Live Mouse Terrorises Young Mum In Chattingham

 A tearful young mum of six children was subjected to a terrible ordeal in Yobbo Street, Chattingham, yesterday morning.

Mandy Gormless: mouse terror

“It was terrible,” said Mandy Gormless, 22. “I was just throwing some nappies and other rubbish out the front door when a mouse ran out and into the street”.

“I was so scared I nearly cleaned the house, But then I thought, nah, why bovver?”

“Now I’m suffering from mouse-related PTSD,” added Mandy. “I want compensation.”

Stock photo of mouse

Midway Council inspected the property earlier today and put down some mouse traps.

“It’s the only humane thing to do,” said a council spokesman. “It would be cruel to expect mice to live in such a dirty place as that. Best to put the poor rodents out of their misery”.

“I want compensation,” said Mandy.



Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Chad Grunter wrote:
Looks like a typical self-entitled scrounging lazy La**ur voter to me. Lose some weight and try some basic domestic hygiene and you might not get bothered by mice.

👍+157

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Given that this is the MORON, perhaps we don’t have all the facts. Maybe the lady has been unwell and unable to “try some basic hygiene” as you suggest. Perhaps people should not be so quick to “blame the victim”.

👎-145

David Simile the Second replied:
A typically stupid reply from a typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍+234

Boring Welsh Tory wrote:
Obesity is caused by a particular conjunction of the planets with the stars of your zodiacal birth sign combined with the phases of the moon. This can be mitigated by following a high-cheese diet and wearing only blue items of clothing:
Weight-gain-and-how-to-stop-it-explained-for-credulous-Welsh-idiots.co.uk

This approach has been validated by numerous scientific studies and has been found to be a highly successful way of losing weight:
Made-up-dieting-data-produced-by-scammers-to-rip-off-dopey-welshsters.co.uk

The House Mouse (Mouseus Domesticus) is surprisingly not the UK’s commonest mouse, which is in fact the Norwegian Long-Nosed Mouse (Mouseus Norvegicus) and can be distinguished from its more common relative by its amazing ability to squeak the theme tune from Neighbours when hit with a stick of celery.
Made-up-mouse-facts-for-gullible-dipsticks.com

Mice infestations can be eliminated by burning candles made from the resin extracted from the bark of the Namibian Gazumba tree whilst repeatedly chanting the ancient Tibetan incantation “Klee Phibb Zib Zub Zibble” at 13.42 every Tuesday afternoon.
Joke-pest-control-strategies-for-useless-loonies.com

👍+1

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever wrote:
My whining tenants are always complaining about mice infestations. I just tell them to stop being so poor and needy. If you are too much of a pauper to be able to afford the services of domestic staff who can ensure that your house is cleaned properly, then why should I subsidise your lifestyle choice? Rich people such as I never have mice in their homes.

👍+63