About The MORON

MORON owner the Rt. Hon. Charles Heave

In 2015, the MORON was acquired by Heave Media PLC, which is owned by the Rt. Hon. Charles St. John Algernon Cholmondeley Heave, the heir apparent to the 3^rd Baron Scrote, Hugo Digby Maximus.

The title of Baron Scrote was created in 1929 for newspaper baron Sir Edward Heave (then part-owner of the Heily Torygraph and various regional newspapers) by the outgoing Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin as a reward for publicity services rendered to the Conservative Party up to and during the 1929 election. 

The Heave family has maintained this loyal support ever since. 

Sir Edward himself served as a Conservative MP for Scrotum Chadwick, Rutlandshire in the West Midlands, from 1923 to 1929.

The Heave family estate comprises over 9,000 acres of farm land surrounding the village of Scrotum Chadwick. As well as agriculture and media, the Heave family’s business interests include property development in the both the U.S. and U.K., luxury marinas, leisure complexes, vineyards and brewing. 

The Rt. Hon. Charles St. John Algernon Cholmondeley Heave is proud to continue his family’s traditional interests in Tory media and Tory politics. He recently stood as the Conservative candidate as councillor for the Scrotum Chadwick ward in Rutlandshire.

“I’m proud to continue my family’s traditional interests in Tory media and Tory politics,” says the Rt. Hon. Charles St. John Algernon Cholmondeley Heave. “We're pleased that our chief editor, Sir Paul Mental, reflects modern, go-ahead Tory values in his stewardship of the Heave Media PLC titles and in particular the MORON, in keeping with the tone of the rest of the UK's news outlets …”

Here's what our MORON Editor has to say:

Sir Paul Mental, MORON editor...

"Hello and welcome to the Midway Online Review Of News. 

As a local news outlet the MORON is, of course, committed to offering a completely balanced and fair coverage of Midway’s latest news. However, our broken business model requires us to pursue an ever-shrinking share of on-line advertising revenue and so “chasing the clicks” is vitally important to us. So stuff any editorial principles, just give us the money. 

Like most other UK media titles, our editorial tone therefore reflects the values of our core readership, which consists of xenophobic, racist pensioners, right-wing conspiracy theorists, shit-thick voters who still reckon that Brexit was a good idea and well-off, smug Tory freemason types who are too stupid or lazy to get their opinions from anywhere else. 

And then there's our infamous "reader's comments", which puts across a rabidly right-wing viewpoint whilst enabling us to claim the moral high ground of hands-off, politically-neutral "freedom of speech". 

Since 2015, we've been feeding a growing and loyal community of anonymous ultra-right-wing trolls, conspiracy theorists, climate-change deniers and other assorted fascist nut-jobs a wide range of click-bait stories designed to get them frothing away at their keyboards. Their deranged, angry intolerance of any views other than their own has made our comments sections a legend amongst the UK's on-line news outlets. Any woke, leftie opinions soon get buried by a tidal wave of insults, misinformation, manufactured outrage, gaslighting and rabid personal abuse that we are only too happy to give a platform to.

Of course, we allow "multiple vote" manipulation of the comments voting so as to let our "red and green thumb"-obsessed pet trolls control the narrative. We also edit, delete or censor comments that don't suit our own corporate agenda. 

Our regular MORON comments contributors hard at work...

In terms of manipulating wider popular opinion, we think that the cumulative effect of relentless right-wing bias, abuse and gaslighting masquerading as "reader engagement" in our comments sections cannot be underestimated.

So don’t expect any support for social justice, public good or taxing-the-rich-to-help-the-poor sort of lefty, woke bollocks here. 

We at the MORON are committed to the highest standards of journalism for the lowest amount of money we can spend. To satisfy these aspirations, enhance shareholder value and bring you the quality of local news coverage we think our readers deserve, we’ve therefore fired all of our experienced journalists and instead rely on cheap YTS staffers who just skim social media all day for anything even remotely of local interest. 

Add that output to our old staples of advertorials for chain stores, big pubcos and national junk food outlets, click-bait that gives publicity to Tory distraction issues like the ULEZ, "Immigrants" and culture wars, along with generic reviews of local fast-food restaurants and pubs owned by our paid subscribers and there you have it… 

…an exciting on-line review of Midway’s latest news, just for YOU....!"