Stroochester Conservative MP Kylie Trollhouse Defects to Lab**r

Kylie Trollhouse - defect

A Midway MP has defected to the Lab**r Party just moments before Prime Minister’s Questions began - leaving local Tories shocked.

Kylie Trollhouse, who represents Stroochester And Bits Of Chattingham That Got Carved Up To Stop Lab**r Winning, crossed the floor in the House of Commons today.

She says “many things have changed” since she was elected in 2014 and believes the “modern Labour Party looks a safe bet for the future and can offer me a safe seat before the Tories get annihilated at the next election.”

Labour already has a parliamentary candidate for the constituency in Skippi Myrtle and have yet to indicate their acceptance of Ms. Trollhouse as a Lab**r member.

Skippi Myrtle, Labo*r candidate for Stroochester

Political forecasting website Electoral Calculus gives the Conservatives just an 8% chance of winning the Midway Stroochester seat.

In a statement, Ms. Trollhouse said: “When I was elected in 2014, the Conservative Party were a bunch of upper-class prats that were all about letting their mates loot our public services and making the most of the opportunities for themselves, but they were popular with the right-wing press and the BBC, so they were always going to win elections.”.

“Since then, many things have changed. My hero Boris Johnson was ousted in a coup led by a bunch of people who realised that the British public had finally woken up to what a bunch of lying, corrupt, cruel and venal idiots the Tory Party really are”.

“Meanwhile, the Lab**r Party has changed out of all recognition. They now look far more likely to win the next election than my own party. I have carefully considered this decision. The change has been dramatic and cannot be ignored. For me, the key deciding factor was that Lab**r can offer me the best chance of keeping my nice, well-paid job in the House of Commons”.

“From small boats to biosecurity, I’m quite happy to brown-nose Lab**r’s leadership and vote for whatever they want me to, just like I did for the Tories.”

“We need to move on from the broken promises of Rishi Sunak’s tired and chaotic government that I have wholeheartedly supported for the past two years. Time for a Labo*r government led by Ke*r St*rmer. Time for a turn-coat MP to be offered the chance to stand in a seat they can win if they swap side to the likely winners. The General Election cannot come soon enough.  Please, please, Mr. St*rmer, pick me, pretty pleeeeease….”

Cllr. Voletrouser

Cllr Herbert Voletrouser, who represents the Tories at district and county level, told the MORON: “I am disappointed, let down and I feel stabbed in the back. Ms. Trollhouse has behaved like a typical Tory, placing her own interests before those of her local and national party members. Who would have expected that?”

“Well, OK, anybody except a Tory, but then we’re not exactly well known for our pattern-recognition abilities, are we?”

A Conservative Party spokesperson said: “Good riddance to Turncoat Trollhouse. Lab**r are welcome to her brand of stinking hypocrisy, honed as it was on the Conservative back-benches”.

“We are genuinely surprised that she has decided to defect to Lab**r. She would be a better fit with Niglet the Gargoyle’s Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs^©™ UK PLC Party”

As yet, the Labo*r Party have yet to respond to Ms. Trollhouse’s defection, with Lab**r leader Ke*r St*rmer looking as surprised as anyone when Ms. Trollhouse crossed the floor and joined Lab**r’s ranks.

Lab**r's only Midway MP, Rosie Waffle

“We know she’s not the sharpest tool on the box,” said a Lab**r spokesman, “so we all thought she’d just got lost looking for the loos or something. We know she’s defective, but nobody expected her to actually defect. We’re going to have to think about this one…”

Midway’s only Labo*r MP, Rosie Waffle, was quick to tweet her support, with the message. “Hi Honey, welcome to the only Party in Town, now there’s two Pink Midway chicks with X-appeal!!!!” appearing on her X(-rated) account soon after Ms. Trollhouse’s defection.

The MORON’s political correspondent, Pauline Popkins, gives this analysis of the situation:

TRAITOR!!! BASTARD!!! HATE! HATE!! HATE!!! Kylie Trollhouse has turned out to be yet another deep state communist allied to shady left-wing investment bankers who undermined the one true Tory Liz wibble wibble evil BBC socialist London metropolitan elite gibber gibber STOP RINGING THOSE BELLS STOP RINGING THOSE BELLS bloody LBGT snowflake Guardian-reading tofu-eating wokerati…

There’s only one answer to this. DEPORT KYLIE TROLLHOUSE TO RWANDA NOW that’s the only language a communist fifth-columnist like her understands meep meep bleep whirrr I JUST GOTTA GET OUTTA THIS PRISON CELL ONE DAY I’M GONNA BE FREEEE LORRRRRRRRRD wibble wabble wobble CAN ENNNIE BODEEE FINE MEEEEEEEEE SOMEBODEEEE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LURRRRRRUWURRRRRRUWRRRRRVVVVOOOOOH MY GOD my brain’s exploded!!!!

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