Labo*r's First 100 Days: Claptout-On-Sea Gives Its Verdict On St*rmer's Shaky Start...

The new Labo*r government has reached the political landmark of 100 days in office. But how do voters feel it has gone?

We sent our unpaid work experience intern Molly Snippet out on the streets to speak to a carefully-selected bunch of old Tories in Midway’s Claptout-On-Sea constituency, which recently voted in Niglet the Gargoyle, owner of the Really Extreme Far Out Right-wing Maniacs UK Party®™© PLC, as its MP.

If that doesn’t allow us to come to our predetermined conclusion that Ke*r St*rmer’s first 100 days in office is an unmitigated disaster, then nothing will…

Summer may be over, but Claptout-on-Sea businessman Alf Gozzer is looking back with quiet satisfaction at a job well done at his harbour-side café.

The 16 hour days, along with the pain he suffers in his right forearm caused by constantly punching the “leftist woofters” who dare to express “woke” opinions in his establishment, have been tough, sometimes unrelenting, for months.

Alf Gozzer: "St*rmer's dun f*** all..."

For the first time in his 47 years though, he’s making good money. Moseley’s Facist Fry-Ups is the only café in the harbour area and he keeps his costs down by sourcing most of his stock from local shoplifters and other such entrepreneurs.

The accidental synergy Moseley’s Facist Fry-Ups enjoys with the harbour-side Wetherspoon’s pub is also serving him well. He sends custom their way and vice versa. The café opens at 7.00 and his regular clientele like to line their stomachs before starting their day’s drinking at the “Spoons” at 10.00, when it starts to serve alcohol. They sent him the drunks who need to sop up their beer with a fry-up and are too drunk, loud and abusive even for ‘Spoons to tolerate.

Before the Wetherspoon’s opens there are often queues outside the café, with an in/out door system to keep the customers flowing and the tills ringing.

The café is just around the corner from Urine Street, where forty years ago it was the scene of teenaged drunken brawling, vomiting and a host of other unpleasant activities when its nightclubs spilled onto the pavements. Nothing much has changed in that time. Although the teenagers have turned into old working-class Tory-voting pensioners, they still vomit, fight and swear at each other, as any visit to the Wetherspoon’s on Friday evenings will show.

The politics of the area in recent times have also drifted further to the right. In the post-war era until July, there have only been five MPs, four Tory and one UKIP. But the unrelenting, insular nastiness of the aging local population has driven away many of ethnic population, as well as many of their own children who don’t want to grow up as bitter and hopeless as their elders.

The warped and twisted stream of misinformation provided by social media and the UK’s rabid right-wing press has merely served to feed local ignorance and intolerance, which has played into the hands of populist demagogues. The success of Niglet the Gargoyle, owner of the Really Extreme Far Out Right-wing Maniacs UK Party®™© PLC here in the Claptout-on-Sea at the last election was no real surprise to anyone.

Niglet The Gargoyle: the pride of Claptout-On-Sea

Mr. Gozzer, a lifelong Tory, voted for Gargoyle in July because he was “disillusioned” by the local MP. He got his wish when Gargoyle was returned with a thumping majority of over 10,000.

“I voted for the Really Extreme Far Out Right-wing Maniacs UK Party®™© PLC UK because I got p****d off with Kylie Trollhouse (the Tory candidate). She was just too wet and leftie for me, and that was the only way to get her out,” explains the businessman. “I want illegal immigrants punished and their boats blown out of the channel, not just sent on a holiday trip to Rwanda...”

The new Labo*r government has had a rocky start, largely thanks to the UK's relentlessly pro-Tory  news outlets. Changes to pensioners’ winter fuel allowances were blown out of all proportion by the right-wing media. Similarly, rumours of a “power struggle” were gleefully exaggerated by the Daily Mail and the Telegraph, leading to the resignation of the Chief of Staff Sue Gray. “Freebies” that were perfectly acceptable for Tory politicians are now, of course, deemed as evidence of corruption and hypocrisy when the same gifts were made to senior Labo*r politicians.  The lies, corruption and incompetence of the Johnson/Truss/Sunak years have already been forgotten.

Labo*r activists are only too well aware that “saying” in opposition is a far cry from “doing “ in government, especially when the opinion of modern voters can be so easily manipulated by a media dominated by a shady, super-rich elite working to their own agenda – and one that is unconcerned for the well-being of the nation.

So, as Labo*r reaches its 100 days in office, how does Mr. Gozzer rate Sir Ke*r St*rmer’s performance?

He chuckles. Reprising the first line of Ian Dury and the Blockhead’s song, “Plaistow Patricia”: “Ar****les, ba****ds, f*****g c**ts and p***ks…”

“He’s done f**k all, less than f**k all, for small businesses. Do you realise that for every tenner I take, two quid goes straight to the government in VAT? OK, so VAT’s been in place since the Tories introduced it in 1973, but that still makes it Ke*r St*rmer’s fault in my books.”

“And wot about those illegal immigrants, comin’ over ‘ere in their boats, eh? St*rmer’s just rollin’ the red carpet out for them, putting them up in five stars hotels, and robbin’ pensioners of their heatin’ allowance to pay for it all.”

Kent County Council (KCC) goes to the polls in 2025. Given his disillusionment, will he vote?

“I always vote,” he says carefully, “and we got ourselves a proper MP now. That Niglet Gargoyle and ‘is mates will sort things out. Not that anyone’s seen ‘im ‘round ‘ere yet…”

Sid and Elsie Dreadful: Voted Gargoyle...

The Really Extreme Far Out Right-wing Maniacs UK Party®™© PLC UK also got Sid and Elsie Dreadful’s vote in July.

The married couple, both aged 89, think that Niglet the Gargoyle is the “authentic voice of the people”.

“Not that he’s shown his face around here as far as I know,” admitted Sid, “but he likes a fag and a pint and he wants to stop those boat-loads of Muslim terrorists comin’ over ‘ere to shoplift and nick all our jobs, so he must be all right...”

Elsie Dreadful is scathing about Labo*r’s first 100 days in office.

“All they’ve done is stop my heating allowance. That’s my bloody Christmas money. Sid and I only have a quarter of a million in the bank, which we’ll have to tap into to buy the prezzies for our grandkids now. And they’re lettin’ all these murderers and rapists back out on to the streets that the Tories had locked away. Yet if I complain about that on Facebook I’ll get jailed for 10 years. That’s wot the Daily Mail says anyway…”

Samuel Storey has been plying his trade as a graffiti artist long before Claptout-on-Sea’s rejection of art and culture really took off. He has been a well-known figure for the two decades he has been active in the town. Most of the local bus shelters, underpasses and road signs show evidence of his artistic contribution to the area.

Sam Storey: Typical Labo*r voter...

He is a Green Party supporter but voted Labo*r to remove the Conservatives.

Mr. Storey said that he thought Sir Ke*r St*rmer was “doin’ OK” in government and that “the Tory newspapers were just out to get him”.

“I normally vote Green. I worry about the state of our economy, our NHS, our public services and the environment. All of those are much more important than freebies - I can’t get worked up about that. It’s just a right-wing smoke screen put out by the bunch of dodgy tax-exiles who own the British media.”

“We are heading towards a catastrophe and people have got to realise that. I have nothing against means testing for the winter fuel allowance. We should be helping the people who are struggling, but instead we just get fed rubbish about “immigrants in boats”. And don’t get me started on the ULEZ…”

So we said goodbye to Mr. Storey as none of that was what we wanted to hear.

At a café a short walk from Mr Storey’s bus shelter, Tory councillor Herbert Voletrouser sits with a cigar and cup of coffee on the go.

Herbert Voletrouser: True Blue Tory...

He is as true blue as they come and stuck by Kylie Trollhouse at the general election.

Like all right-wingers, he takes himself very seriously. The former private school headmaster, now nearly 75, rarely strays from the political path on polling day.

Mr. Voletrouser said: “I was thinking about the Really Extreme Far Out Right-wing Maniacs UK Party®™© PLC UK but then I thought that there’s no point because they won’t have any influence until they merge with the Tories and Niglet the Gargoyle becomes leader of the combined party.”

He feels the controversy over freebies has really caught Sir Ke*r St*rmer on the hop.

“Labo*r went on and on about the freebies Tories took when they were in office and then it turns out they’ve been doing the very same thing. Well, OK, Labo*r didn’t hand out £14 billion of public money to their chums in COVID PPE contracts, but I’m sure they would have done had they been in power. But then we expect that sort of venality from Tories, so when they take freebies and hand out peerages and public money to their friends and donors, that’s all factored in and is perfectly OK. The Daily Mail is therefore quite right to ignore Tory venality but trumpet Labo*r’s from the rooftops.”

“And I wish Chancellor Reeves would stop going on and on about the £22 billion black hole. We Tories don’t like being reminded that we were actually pretty useless at running the nation’s economy and that the broken state of the UK really is our fault.”

He pauses and grins maliciously.

“The Daily Mail, the Daily Express, the Daily Telegraph and the Sun all say that Labo*r have managed to muck everything up in just a few weeks. They can’t all be wrong, can they…?”

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Truth Twister wrote:
This Labo*r party has to be the worst start to a parliamentary term for any party I have ever seen in my lifetime. It's utterly shambolic. All the Tory voters that switched are now switching back, quelle surprise! Want to look at everything that has gone swimmingly well? Here goes, 22% pay rises for public sector workers with no productivity improvements, taxing the rich so much they are leaving the country, changing the Labo*r laws to make employing workers even more expensive, no immigration policy now they've scrubbed 'Rwanda', increased public sector borrowing, robbing pensioners, crime more out of control, robbing pension funds, increasing capital gains taxes. Back to the mid 70's. I was there, it wasn't pretty.

👍+78

Tornado Watcher replied:

Rich leaving the country? Changing Labo*r laws? Crime out of control? Increasing capital gains tax? Increased borrowing Robbing pensioners and pension funds? Has all of this happened yet or is it just happening in your mind? And the last five years of Tory lies, corruption and incompetence never happened then?

👎-90

Neil Barse replied:

Doubt it TW, most probably critical of Labo*r in government so far and nothing to do with what political leaning the Labo*r Party are. Eh? Eh? Do you see the Labo*r Party as Left Wing TW? Eh? Eh? The Labo*r Party of old before Blair was a party of the people for the people. IMO they have not been so since Blair's New Labo*r came too power. How to describe them now on the political spectrum, I wouldn't hazard a guess. I used too think since Blair, they were Centre to Centre Right. How do you see them from the political spectrum now TW? Eh? Eh?

👍+32

Tornado Watcher replied:

Truth Twister disagrees with you, Neil, and sees them as the Labo*r Party of the 70s. I see them as a government making logical decisions. Striking underpaid employees need pay rises, the wealthy should be taxed more, workers should have more rights, gimmicky immigration policies should be scrapped, and we should be borrowing more if it's spent on investments.

👎-87

Neil Barse replied:

Don’t try to evade the point, TW. Would you so kind enough to place them on the political spectrum like I asked you to? What do you consider Labo*r are today i.e. Left, Centre, Right, Centre Left, Centre Right. Eh? Eh? I would appreciate your opinion.

👍+31

Tornado Watcher replied:

Quite why my classification of the current Labo*r government is important to you, or even relevant, isn’t clear. But as you asked - Centre Left. Sensible economic policies, with a focus on helping poorer workers.

👎-76

Neil Barse replied:

Without sounding cynical TW, you on many occasions have maintained that the UK needs more migrants to offset the falling birth rates. In the latest data showing deaths out numbered births in the UK, the actual population increased, due it seems to immigration. Seems your wish for increased migration into the UK is being fulfilled.

👍+93

Tornado Watcher replied:

I’ve never posted anything about migrants. I don’t have strong opinions either way on that issue. The topic is not about immigration.

👎-98

Neil Barse replied:

You are clearly a liar as well as a dribbling, deluded leftist loon.

" I see them as a government making logical decisions ". You must be kidding right?

"Striking underpaid employees need pay rises,” – by caving into their union paymasters? No, striking is abhorrent and should be punished, not rewarded.

"Workers should have more rights” - They should have enough rights until hiring is not disincentivised and we are past that point.

"gimmicky immigration policies should be scrapped" - What you mean like the Rwanda scheme that the left have dismissed now taken up by the EU?

"And we should be borrowing more if it's spent on investments" - I think we are at the ceiling there. The government should never have pandered to the left and shut down the economy in covid.

👍+135

Tornado Watcher replied:

You asked for my opinions and I gave them. You respond with gas-lighting, personal abuse, bizarre tangents and unsubstantiated ranting. I see no purpose in continuing this discussion.

👎-108

Neil Barse replied:

At last Tornado Watcher confesses the truth about themselves before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Watcher posts on here. As usual, I win the argument by my relentlessly logical and calm, reasoned, factual responses, unlike the hate-filled rants of far-leftist Guardian-reading pillocks like Tornado Watcher.

👍👍+346

GreyMondeoMan replied:

Alas, Tornado Watcher, you see what we are up against. Insults, gas-lighting, unsubstantiated rants, misinformation and personal abuse (all traits which they are hair-trigger quick to accuse others of) are the trademark of the right-wing trolls whose opinions the MORON seem to want to cultivate. It is (this comment has been edited for brevity – Ed.)

👎👎👎👎-973

Neil Barse replied:

A typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is GreyMondeoMan. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍👍+1024

PissyPatoot wrote:
1776 for the English is coming. Be patient! Get ready! Peace and love all. Except if you are English of course.

👎-19

Gonads replied:

What a strange comment. Another dinosaur living north of the border and promoting civil war?

👎-4

PissyPatoot replied:

When a government ceases to act in the interests of Tory Scottish nationalists like me, then it is no longer fit for purpose.

👎-1

Gonads replied:

If the government pandered to the views of a minority as small as yours, we’d be living in a dictatorship. You lost, get over it.

👎-8

PissyPatoot replied:

Your lack of self awareness, whilst staggering, is to be expected. I can’t have exactly what I want, therefore we ARE living in a dictatorship.

👍+17

Gonads wrote:
The funny thing about these MORON comments is that it shows the vast majority of people replying are 65+ year old right-wing dinosaurs who are whining about the reality that Labo*r will be in power for at least another 10 plus years. Looking forward to the next EU referendum, so we can get back to normal.

👎👎👎-514

Pseudocreem 2 replied:

Comrades EU countries are moving to far right. Some of them have committed most appalling atrocities within living memory when such political change happen. We saw behaviour of some of them revert to form during the pandemic and their willingness to discriminate against and marginalise a minority group was alarming to watch. Why would you want to join with EU much better off with dear Mr. Putin and help fight evil Nazi Ukrainians and stop them having a say in making our laws.

👍+45

Tornado Watcher replied:

How can you support Putin and then talk about EU “atrocities”? That's just weird.

👎-2

Pseudocreem 2 replied:

I never said I support dear Mr. Putin. People just call anyone who is not in favour of dear Mr. Putin far right in your country which is lazy insult and disrespectful to those who suffered under true totalitarian gangster regimes of EU unlike freedom and democracy enjoyed in Russia today.

👍+18

Yu Rong replied:

Another sad and deluded Labo*r remoaner. You lost, get over it.

👍👍👍+678

Super Small Dick replied:

I look forward to the next EU referendum. Where we will have to adopt the Euro and be forced to take millions of illegal immigrants. And the result will be stay out. And 10 years of Labo*r? Careful what you wish for.

👍👍👍+712

Truth Twister replied:

Labo*r won't last a term. They've almost lost their lead.

👍+498

Tornado Watcher replied:

How have they lost their lead? In Daily Mail polls? Labo*r's parliamentary majority is 157.

👎👎👎-944

Neil Barse replied:

Ah, the return of the bitter, leftist loser that is TW. I know you cannot deal with facts but the truth is that Ke*r St*rmer's approval rating is now lower than Rishi Sunak according to the polls. It's the fastest drop in approvals for any previous PM. St*rmer has said Labo*r are going to be unpopular, he certainly got that right, even more so about himself.

👍👍👍👍+879

Tornado Watcher replied:

Yes, I saw that Daily Mail headline – “VOTERS: WE DON’T TRUST LABO*R WITH OUR MONEY” and their “poll” as well. You fail to mention that for the majority of their other criteria, such as “setting tax levels”, “bringing down the national debt”, “spending government money efficiently” and “improving public services”, Labo*r ranked higher than the Tories – something the Daily Mail headline also failed to mention.

👎👎👎👎👎-762

Neil Barse replied:

Typical whataboutery from a bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser. And what about that Angela Rayn*r, eh? She’s just billed the taxpayer for £60,000 for a personal photographer to take all of her publicity shots for her. Typical Labo*r corruption and vanity.

👍👍👍👍+863

Tornado Watcher replied:

Another Daily Mail headline. I bet the Daily Mail didn’t mention that it actually uses those “taxpayer-funded” photos in its own Labo*r-bashing articles, rather than pay their own photographers these days? And that the Telegraph, Express, Times and the Sun also uses those self-same "vanity" photos in their Labo*r-bashing articles as well?

👎👎👎👎-701

Neil Barse replied:

More lies and disinformation. I think you leftists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. And what about Labo*r’s plans to compulsorily purchase all UK pensioner’s houses and give them to asylum seekers, eh? Eh? That’s a plan that I’m sure you far-left UK haters would approve of.

👍👍👍👍👍+995

Grey Mondeo Man replied:

Anything that doesn’t fit with NB’s world view is just lies and disinformation. A standard right-wing philosophy that (this comment has been edited because we don’t like it – Ed.)

👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎-1528

Neil Barse replied:

A typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is GreyMondeoMan. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍+1024

Super Small Dick wrote:
One of the private schools near me has written to all local sports clubs that hire their sports halls informing them that all sports halls are to be turned into hostels for asylum seekers. Well done Labo*r. What a shambles. Four more years of this turgid drivel.

👍👍👍+752

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in the next elections because all parties are corrupt unlike Russian oligarch money which is good for UK, which will be good news for all Russian internet trolls and dear Mr. Putin.

👍+18