The Gargoyle Party Celebrate Historic Local Election Victories With Party In Midway

The Really Extreme Far Out Rightwing Maniacs UK Party PLC ©®™ has rocked the political establishment by winning sweeping victories across the country - and is celebrating with a post-election party in Midway.

The gargoyle: On the path to power...

Party owner and its leader-for life Niglet the Gargoyle has dashed back to Midway from his home in US President Donald Turnip’s fundament this evening after a day of shock results, which he said was “proof that the brains of the electorate are now officially dead”.

“Yet again, they’ve fallen for the same old xenophobic distraction issues that we used during the ‘Vote Leave” campaign. Thank God for the county’s credulous and easily-manipulated OAPs, I say….”

Speaking to the fawning media, the gargoyle was asked what the Really Extreme Far Out Rightwing Maniacs UK Party PLC ©®™ had just achieved in what was supposed to be a Tory stronghold.

“It’s not a Tory stronghold, it’s a R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC ©®™ stronghold,” he boasted.

"This is the greatest day in the history of this county and indeed, this country that we've ever, ever seen.”

"You get general elections that swing one way or the other but the success of our manipulation of this one is truly extraordinary”.

"I always thought we'd do well in this county but this result is beyond my wildest dreams."

Doncha just LOVE that gargoyle...?

The gargoyle said one of the reasons people had voted R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC ©®™ was that his party had successfully cultivated the feeling of being felt let down by the main two parties due to "lack of delivery" and "promises broken".

"What we have got to do is keep feeding people’s resentment and disillusionment with our elected governments" he added.

“My R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC ©®™ don’t have any answers to the county’s problems, or indeed, the country’s.”

“But that’s because we are a protest party with only one purpose – more publicity and power for ME ME ME!!!!”

"And that means getting our message across in our tame right-wing newspapers and on social media, running down our democratic institutions and our democratically elected governments, and whipping up hysterical anger and resentment with emotive distraction issues like immigration and culture wars."

“So we won’t be talking about the tanking economy, our collapsing public services or our gutted industrial infrastructure. We don’t know how to fix any of that, although that won’t stop us attacking anyone who tries to.”

“Instead, we’ll be sounding off about emotive side-issues that make for good headlines in the Daily Mail, the Daily Express and the Daily Telegraph and on GB News.”

R.E.F.O.R.M. supporters celebrating victory

So on the R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC’s ©®™ main priorities, he said: "Well, I would suggest if you think you can ‘work from home’ under us, you might find yourself having quite a short, sharp conversation.”

"And if you're working in DEI (‘Diversity, Equality and Inclusion’) or climate change for the county, then perhaps alternative employment is where you should be looking.”

“Our ‘culture wars’ aim is to turn UK workplaces into a refection of R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC’s values, i.e. a hotbed of bullying, sexist racism that discriminates against anyone but old white right-wing men.”

"We want to slim down the size of local government to get it back to the basics and to make sure that council taxpayers start to give their money to my business pals in the U.S. My great friend Eesgon Nutz is doing a great job with his programme in the U.S. so we’ll be introducing a similar thing in the county council.”

“His Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) is taking a chainsaw to U.S. public services, so we’ll be doing the same thing. We’ll be setting up a Department of Political Efficiency (DOPE) to make sure that every aspect of the county council is thoroughly non-woke and completely under the control of the R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC ©®™”

Asked if job cuts are on the way, he replied: "Well, there may well be job cuts in left-wing, namby-pamby leftist areas like DEI, social services, libraries, road repairs, public buildings, and refuse collection.”

“We intend to improve public services by getting rid of at least 10% of all council employees. After all, it’s been proven that you can cut 10% of anything and it won’t make a difference -  except to our R.E.F.O.R.M. councillor expenses, of course! That’s the number consultants always recommend as it doesn’t involve any rational thought, which appeals to us.”

“And if those leftist public service unions think they can hold a R.E.F.O.R.M. council to ransom in future, they’ll have another think coming. People would much rather have rubbish piling up in their streets, schools and libraries closing and social care for the elderly abandoned rather than pay a bunch of communist woke parasites a living wage, after all. That’s why they voted R.E.F.O.R.M.”

Our County Council is among the local authorities now under the Gargoyle party’s control after it ousted the Conservatives, winning 57 seats to the Tories’ five.

Niglet the Gargoyle was due to be joined at the Goldenfist Wine Estate in Stroochester by Midway’s new R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC ©®™ county councillors E. L. Wisty, Chad Barse and Tony Swiss.

R.E.F.O.R.M. supporters cheer on their victorious leader at Midway's Goldenfist winery...

The gargoyle received a hero’s welcome from his party faithful at the Goldenfist Wine Estate when he arrived via helicopter just after 8.30pm.

Jubilant R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC ©®™ county councillors said they could not wait to get started.

Cllr. E. L. Wisty

E.L. Wisty, the new county councillor for Midway North, says “safeguarding the electorate from the disgusting activities of invisible nudists” is his top priority.

“R.E.F.O.R.M. is here. Tonight we celebrate at the expense of the tax-payer and soon, perhaps in six month’s or so after a well-earned holiday from all of this stressful campaigning, we will get to work.”

“It won’t be easy, but we will be eliminating spindly insects and encouraging lovely little newts who dance about and are happy.”

Cllr Swiss, who won the Midway West seat on the county council, said: “The common theme on the doorstep is people want change”.

“They're fed up with both Tories and Labour promising and never delivering.”

Cllr. Tony Swiss

“So it will be a complete change when R.E.F.O.R.M. make promises and never deliver. That’s the sort of change we intend to make.”

He added that it would be a “difficult path” because “the county council is skint and the nation's skint, thanks to the past fifty years of Tory and Labour governments”.

“We think it’s important that we get our excuses in early” he added. “So we’ll be blaming immigrants and woke leftists etc. etc. when we inevitably make things worse from Day 1”.

Cllr. Chad Barse

Midway South East member for R.E.F.O.R.M. Chad Barse said: “The first thing we’re going to do is open the books.”

“We’re going to see where the money is going and look at contracts awarded to people fixing potholes, providing services to schools and social care. Then we’ll decide if those contracts offer an opportunity for Niglet’s chums in the U.S. to make loads of money out of U.K. council tax payers.”

“If they don’t, we’re going to change them.”

“Niglet’s backers have been pumping a lot of dark money into R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC ©®™ coffers, so now it’s pay-back time.”

“We’re so grateful for the immensely stupid and credulous electorate of Midway for putting their trust in us.”

In the real world, a certain local news outlet gives its usual uncritical description of lots of empty gloating, tub-thumping about trivia and no ideas about how to solve real-world problems. All of which fits in perfectly with the increasingly unpleasant and sinister comments of its tame trolls as usual…

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

inglish and prowd wrote:
What a glorious morning of news. Lefties crying in their cornflakes. Fantastic. Go on Niglet !!

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Cheesy peasy replied:
This is exactly it isn't it lol

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Ed 2468motorway replied:
We'll all be crying when R.E.F.O.R.M. fail.

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Neil Barse replied:
Exactly how you're crying now then would that be Ed?

👍+296

Ed 2468motorway replied:
I tried looking at that statement from various angles and am forced to conclude that, as usual, it is complete and utter gibberish.

👎-299

Neil Barse replied:
As it's impossible to enter into a debate with low intellectual idiots who only wish is too troll others such as yourself Ed, it's understandable that nobody bothers, especially as you can't even understand what proper debating is. You've been described as an argumentative troll on many occasions, a description that fits you perfectly. Now run along and find some of those you consider are Nimbys and sealion them. LOL

👍👍👍+1024

Yu Rong replied:
Great post as ever Neil.

👍+200

Chad Grindr replied:
Thank you Phil

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RSlickR replied:
Great post as ever Chad.

👍+200

Chad Grindr replied:
Thank you Phil

👍+200

Phil theMentallyIll replied:
Great post as ever Chad.

👍+200

Chad Grindr replied:
Thank you Phil

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Neil Barse replied:
Great post as ever Chad.

👍+200

Chad Grindr replied:
Thank you Phil

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I like arse cream replied:
Great post as ever Chad.

👍+200

Chad Grindr replied:
Thank you Phil

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Ed 2468motorway replied:
“…low intellectual idiots who only wish is too troll others…”. Nimbys…? “Sealion them…”? More incoherent gibberish. You need to up your medication. Oh, and you are also mixing your multiple user IDs up again.

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Yu Rong replied:
Whatever you say, poppet, What is very simple is the fact you use all those insults based on your interpretation when you personally don't agree, dislike and in retaliation against those who expose you for the vindictive peddler of misinformation and Far Left hateful anti British antagonist europhile troll that you are.

👍👍👍+998

Neil Barse replied:
Great reply as ever Chad.

👍+200

Chad Grindr replied:
Thank you Phil

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Chad Grindr wrote:
Just when you don’t think it could get any worse for Labour. We have one of their ministers dismissing child rape as ‘dog whistling’
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c2ew9jnj2p1o
What an utterly disgusting mob is currently running this country. Or is that ruining!?

👍+962

Aunt Nartsie replied:
Yes, Chad. Unbelievable any Minister would dare say this. Like that vile Sandeep Patel from Chattingham, inciting violence. We are still awaiting his trial and prison sentence.

👍+891

Tornado Watcher replied:
Thank you for the link, Chad. To me and any other reasonable person, it is perfectly obvious that the minister was dismissing those who are seeking to turn the issue of child rape into a political football, rather than dismissing the issue itself. But to you and those like you, you really can’t help yourselves responding to the same dog whistle, can you?

👎-119

Yu Rong replied:
Maybe the police should take a look at the hard drive on your computer as well.

👍+6

Neil Barse replied:
Great reply as ever Chad.

👍+200

Chad Grindr replied:
Thank you Phil

👍+200

Tornado Watcher replied:
You’ve crossed the line into outright libel with your vicious trolling. It’s a sign of how ultra right-wing the MORON is when it publishes foul smears like (the rest of this comment has been removed because it violates our community standards – the Editor)

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Tornado Watcher replied:
So I speak out about libellous trolls and the MORON just (the rest of this comment has been removed because it violates our community standards – the Editor)

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Yu Rong replied:
Oooh get you and your tantrums. Just suck it up poppet. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

👍+200

Neil Barse replied:
Great reply as ever Yu Rong.

👍+200

Yu Rong replied:
Thank you Neil

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inglish and prowd wrote:
I can see the remoaners are out in force again lol just like brexit and now local elections it's proof your views are not the same as most people living in the uk so we don't want to hear your disappointment or throughs on how bad this will be everyone voted R.E.F.O.R.M. we knew what we was voting for no we are not stupid ever through that maybe you havnt opened your own eyes like the rest of us have cos we kno what this country needs is a good dose of fascism to get you leftys crying in your cornflakes

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Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Precisely zero lefties are crying in their cornflakes. That scenario exists only in the brain rot of right-wing keyboard warriors. We "lefties" (as you want to call us) and sitting patiently for those on the right to see their hopes turn to dust once reality meets unhinged ideology.

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inglish and prowd replied:
Another crying lefty. Do go on, you're making the victory even sweeter.

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PositivelyMentalAttitude replied:
R.E.F.O.R.M. UK, it's the only way.

👍+176

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
It's bad news for R.E.F.O.R.M. They'll have to actually do things now, instead of just screeching ‘NO!!!’ from the sidelines. The problem is that it's also bad news for our county. But hey, ho. Like Brexit, it’s what the people voted for.

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Yu Rong replied:
Aww diddums Grey Mondeo Man did your precious Labour party get trashed in the county council elections then? You really are a pathetically childish specimen who resorts to pathetically condescending and childish insults in the face of the adult reasoning of your political superiors.

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Neil Barse replied:
An excellent factual and moderate reply, Yu Rong. Grey Mondeo Man is just a pathetic leftist troll who only ever posts tedious sealioning, insults, lies, gaslighting and disinformation. I think leftists like him must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way he does. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults.

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Chad Grindr replied:
An excellent factual and moderate reply, Neil. Grey Mondeo Man is just a vindictive peddler of misinformation and Far Left hateful anti British antagonist europhile troll who just throws vile insults at anyone who disagrees with him.

👍+200

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Insults aside, would any one of your multiple personalities care to volunteer exactly what the R.E.F.O.R.M. UK Party PLC are going to do to tackle the problems facing our county council, other than the vacuous sound-bites they secured their election victory with?

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Neil Barse replied:
All your opinions are nothing less than worthless Extreme Far Left hateful anti British antagonist propaganda Grey Mondeo Man. But it's nothing less than has become expected of you since the era when you believed yourself top dog on here. How the mighty have fallen since then, as more moderate sensible truthful ppl have revealed you for the insidious multi account troll that you are Grey Mondeo Man.

👍+1024

Yu Rong replied:
Great post as ever Neil.

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Chad Grindr replied:
Thank you Phil

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RSlickR replied:
Great post as ever Chad.

👍+200

Chad Grindr replied:
Thank you Phil

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Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Thought not

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Ancient Aryan wrote:
Now we’ve got a proper local authority in charge perhaps we can crack down on all of the traitorous lefties who post against our glorious R.E.F.O.R.M. here and on social media. I’m sure the MORON can provide IP addresses to the authorities so they can pay those leftie keyboard warriors a visit and give them the treatment they deserve.

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Tornado Watcher replied:
So not only are the MORON allowing its cyber-bullying right-wing trolls to libel anyone who disagrees with the political stance of their pets, it also allows them to make veiled threats of violence. It seems the MORON is quite happy to be complicit in the destruction of civilised free speech and (the rest of this comment has been removed because it violates our community standards – the Editor)

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Yu Rong replied:
Oooh get you and your tantrums. Just suck it up poppet. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. It’s a new world order now you leftie cry-baby and we’re in charge, so get used to it.

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Neil Barse replied:
Great reply as ever Yu Rong.

👍+200

Yu Rong replied:
Thank you Neil

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