R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PLC©™® Party Candidates In Kent Targeted By Far-Left Thugs

This time next week, residents will be heading out to vote in the County Council elections.

Polls have predicted that the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC©™® Party are heading for a landslide victory and will capture a council that has been under Tory control since 1997.

The Gargoyle: A clear winner...

Party company owner and its leader-for-life Niglet the Gargoyle has been given time off by his master, US President Donald Turnip, and has ignored his Midway constituents in Claptout-On-Sea to visit Midway and spout off about illegal immigrants, even though the County Council elections can have no impact on migrant policy whatsoever.

But incredibly, it seems not everyone is happy about the prospect of his party transforming the local political landscape on May 1.

In the past few weeks, the property of two Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC©™® Party candidates in Kent has been targeted by vicious far-left vandals.

Nazi memorabilia collector and seller Chad Barse is standing for the R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PLC©™® Party in Midway South and had filled the windows of his shop in Chattingham Road with promotional material.

Shop window totally destroyed by ultra-left-wing extremist thugs...

But over the Easter weekend, a sticker with a swastika on it was put on the bottom-left of the shop window.

“I am angry,” the 60-year-old said. “I am not a Nazi. That is all they can say – that I’m a Nazi, fascist and racist.

Mr. Barse: Not a Nazi...

“Just because I like dressing up in Nazi uniforms and jackboots, complaining loudly about ‘illegal Muslim invaders’ and their far-left, woke traitor sympathisers, giving Nazi salutes and shouting ‘Sieg Heil’ doesn’t make me a Nazi.”

CCTV shows two masked and hooded vandals targeting the shop at 10.30pm on Sunday.

“People are scared I might be elected as I am very well known locally,” Mr. Barse added.

“The local community can decide if they want me in Midway or not, not some Nazi sticker. It is implying I am a Nazi. I find it offensive. The sticker that is, not being a Nazi. Which I’m not.”

The stickers are a take on the “Tidyman” symbol, with the litter replaced by a swastika.

Evil unfunny far-left violent graffiti...

Mr. Barse added: “I 100% believe in free speech, except if you say something we don’t agree with.”

“You don’t start throwing disgusting comments at the opposition, even if they are a bunch of cretinous unwashed bed-wetting woke namby-pamby greenie leftist scumbags who will all be deported to Rwanda when we get to be in charge."

“These ultra-violent far-left terrorists try to scare you not to stand. Some people are even saying that they don’t want to vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party as they don’t want to be branded a Nazi. Can you believe it? Sieg Heil! Whoops, didn’t mean that, just a nervous twitch…”

Supt. Grabber: Aware...

A police spokesman says local officers in Folkestone have been made aware of a sticker placed on a shop window in Chattingham Road.

“Inquiries will be carried out to determine whether any criminal offences have been committed,” said Midway Police Superintendent Mike Grabber, “although quite frankly, we’ve got better things to do rather than waste our time finding out who stuck a little sticker on a shop window.”

Another Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party candidate, Tony Swiss, says his campaign material - displayed by supporters in the Midway East division - has been targeted by balaclava-clad yobs.

“It started more than six weeks ago,” the 50-year-old HR manager said.

Tony Swiss: "Frightening..."

“The first time, a supporter wanted me to put a campaign board and a couple of posters on her fence.

“But then someone started writing ‘Gargoyle Go Home To The USA’, or ‘Putin’s Patsy’ on them.

“I started replacing them but it was absolutely ridiculous. It’s absolutely disgusting and very frightening.”

“About two weeks ago, I put a wildlife camera in the tree so I have footage of people doing it.”

“They were turning up wearing Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party balaclavas and Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party t-shirts, and the wording became more derogatory.”

“In the footage, you can hear them on the phone saying ‘this will give us something to blame the lefties for so that we can play the victim and get the press on our side’, so it is quite an organised gang,” Mr Swiss added.

A Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party spokesman said: "Put plainly, these evil far-left thugs that are terrorising our candidates are a threat to democracy.”

“We applaud Mr. Barse and Mr. Swiss for being true British patriots who are sticking their heads above the parapet and standing up for their country against a tidal wave of far-left violence and intimidation."

In other news, some posters for other political parties were also vandalised.

In addition, the Labo*r offices in Rainingham were fire-bombed, the LibDem office windows in Chattingham were smashed in and staff at the Green Party headquarters in Stroochester were threatened and abused by a balaclava-clad gang of a dozen of so individuals wielding base-ball bats.

But as none of those parties generate the clicks that articles about the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party do, we didn’t bother reporting any of that. 

In the real world, yet another over-reaction to some fairly trivial slights against their favourite sort of would-be politicians scores click-bait gold (see here for an earlier example). It seems that some of the candidates at next month’s KCC elections are finding the rough and tumble of UK politics to be a little bit too much for them. Apparently, a bit of graffiti or a few stickers on their campaign material is a vicious threat to free-speech and democracy. Really? Who’d have thought they’d be such thin-skinned snowflakes…? 

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Chad Grindr wrote:
A terrifying example of two-tier policing under two-tier free gear Starmer and his henchmen in the judiciary. Left-wing violence is endemic in this country and nothing is being done to stop it. The police are refusing to investigate this latest example of destruction of property by ultra-left wing fanatics. Yet last summer, when true patriots tried to speak out and defend the UK’s democracy from the invading tide of immigrants with a little harmless arson, looting and stone-throwing, the full weight of law is brought down upon them. It is time the far-left in this country was held to account, yet Herr Starmer and his Stazi are giving their storm-troopers a free rein it seems, with any opposition being brutally crushed or censored.

👍+712

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
It is difficult to know where to start with your latest batch of lies, exaggerations and (this comment has been cut because it does not meet our community standards – the Editor)

👎👎👎-584

Yu Rong replied:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums

👍+97

Chad Grindr replied:
I fully expect GMM to support all acts of ultra-left wing violence and vandalism, as his never-ending stream of shouty abuse, threats, gas-lighting and disinformation on here demonstrates. A typical SHOUTY LEFTIST LOON WHO SHOULD BE SHOT AND THEN DEPORTED BACK TO MOTHER RUSSIA!!!

👍+212

Tornado Watcher replied:
So anyone who disagrees with you must be silenced, yes? Free speech is a one-way street for you right-wingers, isn’t it? For once (this comment has been cut as it does not agree with our editorial policy – Ed.).

👎👎👎-398

Neil Barse replied:
At last Tornado Watcher confesses the truth about themselves before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Watcher posts on here. As usual, I win the argument by my relentlessly logical and calm, reasoned, factual responses, unlike the hate-filled rants of far-leftist Guardian-reading pillocks like Tornado Watcher.

👍+672

Tornado Watcher replied:
You and your fellow right-wing commentators here seldom offer anything but abuse when the arguments go against you. THAT is the most depressing thing about this forum.

👎👎👎-412

Neil Barse replied:
Typical lies and whataboutery from a bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser. I think you leftists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. And what about Labo*r’s secret plans to imprison all opponents in internment camps eh? Eh? That’s a plan that I’m sure you cretinous, unwashed far-left UK haters would approve of.

👍👍👍+1024

Auntie Nartsie wrote:
A typical example of two-tier justice. It seems that the vandalising of R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PLC ©™® Party property isn’t worth investigating, but if someone writes a few hurty words on social media then the police are all over them.

👍+188

Gonads replied:
Yet if someone puts hurty words on a little sticker, you go screaming for the police to take action? You seem confused.

👎-90

Auntie Nartsie replied:
It’s perfectly clear. If I approve of things, then that’s OK. If I don’t, then the police need to bring the full force of law in to stop people saying or doing things I don’t approve of. That’s what free speech is all about. Or at least it will be if the R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PLC ©™® Party get elected, which is how it should be.

👍+132

Gonads replied:
Ah, right. Far-right, in fact.

👎-90

Notasoviet Resident wrote:
Comrades Labo*r used lies and disinformation to trick their way into power and have been attacking UK population ever since by doing things they had promised not to I cannot think of any other government in world which has passed legislation which they know will kill most vulnerable people in society like pensioners who will die if they withdrew the Winter Fuel Allowance now they are attacking poor millionaire farmers and billionaire rentier landowners like my wealthy friends from beloved Russia. Who will be next? The rest of the world is looking on with horror as political opponents and journalists in UK are thrown in jail for social media posts and journalists are threatened by St*rmer and bully boys of his regime what UK needs is fairness and freedom of true democracy as offered in homeland by dear Mr. Putin and his patriotic rich oligarch friends rather than gangster regime of Ke*r St*rmer. UK is becoming known for totalitarian gangster politics and it is not a good look so comrades vote for Mr. Gargoyle who will bring true freedoms to UK like those we enjoy in Russia

👍+18

Super Small Dick wrote:
My local Tory councillor tells me that anyone in the UK who doesn’t swear an oath of loyalty to Keir Starmer and the Labour government will be sent to secret internment camps that are being built in the Falkland Islands. Meanwhile, millions of illegal immigrants crossing the Channel in small boats every week get to be housed in luxury hotels at the taxpayer’s expense. What a shambles. Four more years of this turgid drivel, that’s assuming Keir Starmer doesn’t cancel all elections. I look forward to voting for the R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PLC ©™® Party

👍+378

"Only R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PARTY PLC©™® Can Stop The Menace Of Invisible Nudists" Says R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PARTY PLC©™® Candidate

As part of our unbiased political coverage in the run-up to the county council elections, we speak to the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party candidate for Midway North, Mr. E. L. Wisty...

“Kent faces unprecedented challenges,” says Mr. Wisty. “Council budgets are massively overspent after 50 years of Tory control.”

“The county council is effectively bankrupt and there are no signs that central government is going to bail them out.”

“KCC is facing the prospect of having to cut all sorts of social services, from libraries to swimming pools and social care.”

“The Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC©™® Party don’t have an answer to any of this, of course.”

“So instead, we are going to concentrate on completely confected issues that appeal to our core audience of credulous pensioners and right-wing conspiracy nut-jobs.”

“That’s why we at the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party are asking:

WHAT IS KEIR STARMER DOING ABOUT THE HOARDES OF INVISIBLE NUDISTS THAT ARE ROAMING OUR STREETS AND INVADING OUR HOMES AND HOUSES?”

“ ‘Invisible nudists?’ I hear you ask.”

“ ‘What fresh hell is this?’ you might say.”

R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PARTY PLC©™®: KCC campaign video...

“Well, most of our supporters are old enough to remember the 1960s and 1970s TV programme, ‘The Invisible Man’. It featured some poor soul who, as a result of some bizarre misfortune, had become invisible. He had to walk around wearing gloves and bandages and such like, but when he took them off along with all of his clothes, he was completely invisible!”

“But what if those circumstances were actually commonplace? There could be thousands of such people out there, wandering around in the nude, spying on us and poking around in our houses. AND WE WOULDN’T KNOW THEY WERE THERE!!!”

 “This is what the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party always do, of course – that is, campaign on the back of a confected distraction issue that allows us to side-step genuine problems and instead rant about an invented scenario that is emotive enough to get the credulous masses angry and convince them that the government is doing nothing to satisfy those emotionally-driven needs.”

“Immigration has been a spectacularly successful example of that for us. Only 5% of the UK immigrants arrive in small boats from France, yet we’ve managed to convince people that ‘boat people” are an invasion force that is over-running the country.”

“And a significant number are falling for it, getting angry and venting their confected anger upon the elected government, just like they did for Brexit”.

“These people tend to be well-off and not-too-bright xenophobic pensioners, which is why the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party are putting a significant effort into campaigning in seaside towns that tend to have a high population of old, well-off and not-too-bright xenophobic pensioners.”

“So remember, only the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party are offering to tackle the menace of invisible nudists. Vote for us if you want to stop these gangs of invisible perverts invading our privacy! You know it makes sense!”

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy. 

Gorden Bellend wrote:
Everyone!
Please vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party so we might only have a mildly disastrous council in Kent, instead of the nightmare we have in government now. Remember NOT voting is as bad as voting Labo*r!!

👍+659

Pissy Patoot wrote:
Never mind the Tory legacy of a tanking UK economy, non-functioning public services and a gutted industrial infrastructure.
Who cares about the deteriorating international geopolitical situation?
Stopping invisible nudists from spying on us is the only thing that matters.
Niglet the Gargoyle says he will stop them and I believe him, because I have no sense of pattern recognition or recollection of past events and behaviours.
So vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party.

👍+413

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
Who on earth could possibly believe this utterly demented load of (this comment has been cut because it does not meet our community guidelines – the Editor).

👎👎👎👎-980

Neil Barse replied:
Yet more tedious insults, lies and sealioning from GreyMondeoMan. I think you leftists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. It is obvious to anyone who isn’t a completely moronic, bed-wetting leftist cretin that this Labour government is in complete denial about the dangers posed by hoards of invisible nudists roaming the streets totally uncontrolled. Labo*r need to removed from power as soon as possible.

👍+254

Chad Grinder replied:
I totally agree Neil. These far-left socialists are complete idiots and should not be allowed to clutter up the comments section with their increasingly boring, repetitive and fact-free assertions and insults.

👍+254

Yu Rong replied:
I totally agree Chad. GreyMondeoMan really is just a far-left troll, whose continuous stream of gibberish, insults and pointless questions is just designed to clutter up this forum and stop any sensible discussion of the issues raised by this story of Labo*r incompetence and corruption.

👍+254

RSlickR replied:
I totally agree Chad. GreyMondeoMan really is just a far-left troll, whose continuous stream of gibberish, insults and pointless questions is just designed to clutter up this forum and stop any sensible discussion of the issues raised by this story of Labo*r incompetence and corruption.

👍+254

Super Small Dick wrote:
Labo*r have been in for nearly nine months now and everything is still shite just like it was under the last government of Blair and Brown. In that time, millions of invisible nudists are wandering around everywhere while millions of pensioners freeze to death and homeless farmers are sleeping on the streets after being kicked off their land because they can’t afford to pay their inheritance tax. My local Tory councillor told me that St*rmer is now planning to abolish the state pensions so he can fund armies of invisible nudists to spy on us. Vote R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PARTY PLC©™®.

👍+132

Notasoviet Resident wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PARTY PLC©™® in next elections because all other political England parties will introduce anti-democratic police state dictatorships unlike truly free Russia as run by champion of democratic freedoms dear Mr. Putin and his Russian oligarch friends whose money is good for UK.

👍+1

May Duppname wrote:
It will only get worse under Labo*r, we must vote them out. They are spending £ millions on asylum seekers and illegals and doing nothing about gangs of invisible nudists roaming the countryside and doing all sorts of unspeakable things right in front of us. That's why council taxes are increasing and services are being reduced. Vote Gargoyle.

👍+90

Hugh Issie wrote:
I personally want to see firm action on invisible nudists. I hate what the government have done to the taxpayer. In housing them. Would they take up arms to defend Great Britain. I very much doubt they would. So why give them the 5 star treatment. Next problem we have is getting Labo*r out of central government.
They done nothing for this country

👍+90

Brian Ratt wrote:
Lab*ur are destroying everything, at a national level and on a local level. Vote for Gargoyle.

👍+89

Gonads wrote:
Anyone voting for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK Party PLC™©® is delusional, a private company run by millionaires, who blame everything on invisible nudists. Don't be fooled by these snake oil salesmen, who are (this comment has been edited as it does meet our community standards – the Editor).

👎👎👎👎-900

SuperSmallDick wrote:
R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PARTY PLC©™® say they will stop invisible nudism and I believe them. After all, they said Brexit would be good for the UK and they got that right, it’s only Labo*r that has turned this country into a shithole. Vote R.E.F.O.R.M. UK PARTY PLC©™®.

👍+125

  

A Step-by-Step Guide To Casting Your Vote At The County Council Elections on May 1

Simon Goebbels

The County Council goes to the polls next month for the last time before the authority is dismantled to make way for a new local government structure.

As ever, turnout will be key and Simon Goebbels provides a guide to make sure you get the chance to vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party…

Gargoyle: Guaranteed click-bait...

The County elections on May 1 come at a time of great change in local government across the country. The current KCC is made up of a load of councillors who don’t belong to the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party, and who don’t generate loads of page views when we report what they get up to.

That’s why we want Niglet the Gargoyle’s Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party to do really well at the KCC elections. 

Then we can put up loads more click-bait when their loopy councillors inevitably start saying outrageously rabid right-wing shit, fighting amongst themselves and wrecking the local county economy even more than the current Tory administration has done for the past fifty years.

Ang*la R*yner: Wicked Labo*r witch...

Earlier this year, KCC applied to be accepted on wicked Deputy Prime Minister Angela Rayner’s devolution fast track, which would have seen an elected mayor for the county and the eventual abolition of all 14 councils in Kent.

This, of course, is all part of an evil communist plot to place all local authorities under the jackboot of socialist dictator K*ir St*rmer and his henchmen.

So here are some important questions:

How can I ensure that the MORON political coverage is all about the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party?

Simple. The only choice is to vote for Niglet the Gargoyle’s Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party, which is why we’ve been banging on about him, slagging off Labo*r at every available opportunity and ignoring every other party.

Can I vote by post?

Yes, but only if you plan to vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party.

Is it possible for someone to cast my vote for me?

Yes. It is called a proxy vote where someone can go to the polling station on your behalf to vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party, perhaps because you may not be around at the time of the election - for instance, if you are receiving psychiatric treatment for thinking about not voting for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party.

When is polling day and where do I go?

If you are going to vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party, then Polling day is Thursday, May 1, 2025. More than 800 polling stations will be open across the county between 7am and 10pm. If you aren’t going to vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party, then Polling day is on March 32^nd between 27pm and 37am.

Do I need to bring photo ID with me?

If you are voting for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party , then Yes. You will need a photo ID, such as a driving licence or passport.
A senior bus pass is also a valid form of ID , as is a EU driving licence
Otherwise no, you’ll be fine, honestly.

Just remember, it’s vital that you go out and vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party, because they are the only party that generate the page-views we crave when we slavishly report whatever Niglet the Gargoyle does and says.

In the real world, a certain local news-site writes an unusually (for them) politically neutral article which got very little interest, judging by the lack of troll response. So it’ll be back to plugging REFORM again…. 

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Gorden Bellend wrote:
Everyone!
Please vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party so we might only have a mildly disastrous council in Kent, instead of the nightmare we have in government now. Remember NOT voting is as bad as voting Labo*r!!

👍+659

Pissy Patoot wrote:
Never mind the Tory legacy of a tanking UK economy, non-functioning public services and a gutted industrial infrastructure.
Who cares about the deteriorating international geopolitical situation?
Stopping a few forreners coming over the Channel to the UK in small boats is the only thing that matters.
Niglet the Gargoyle says he will stop them and I believe him, because I have no sense of pattern recognition or recollection of past events and behaviours.
So vote for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK PLC ©™® Party.

👍+413

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
I am not sure that REFORM UK PARTY PLC©™® are a (this comment has been cut because it does not meet our community guidelines – the Editor).

👎👎👎👎-980

Neil Barse replied:
Yet more tedious insults, lies and sealioning from GreyMondeoMan. I think you leftists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. It is obvious to anyone who isn’t a completely moronic, bed-wetting leftist cretin that this Labour government is a complete disaster for the UK and need to removed from power as soon as possible.

👍+254

Chad Grinder replied:
I totally agree Neil. These far-left socialists are complete idiots and should not be allowed to clutter up the comments section with their increasingly boring, repetitive and fact-free assertions and insults.

👍+254

Yu Rong replied:
I totally agree Chad. GreyMondeoMan really is just a far-left troll, whose continuous stream of gibberish, insults and pointless questions is just designed to clutter up this forum and stop any sensible discussion of the issues raised by this story of Labo*r incompetence and corruption.

👍+254

RSlickR replied:
I totally agree Chad. GreyMondeoMan really is just a far-left troll, whose continuous stream of gibberish, insults and pointless questions is just designed to clutter up this forum and stop any sensible discussion of the issues raised by this story of Labo*r incompetence and corruption.

👍+254

Super Small Dick wrote:
Labo*r have been in for nearly nine months now and everything is still shite just like it was under the last government of Blair and Brown. In that time, millions of illegal immigrants have crossed the channel in small boats and are being kept in luxury hotels while millions of pensioners freeze to death and homeless farmers are sleeping on the streets after being kicked off their land because they can’t afford to pay their inheritance tax. My local Tory councillor told me that St*rmer is now planning to put VAT up to 100% in order to fund free driving lessons for illegal immigrants. Vote REFORM UK PARTY PLC©™®.

👍+132

Notasoviet Resident wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM UK PARTY PLC©™® in next elections because all other political England parties will introduce anti-democratic police state dictatorships unlike truly free Russia as run by champion of democratic freedoms dear Mr. Putin and his Russian oligarch friends whose money is good for UK.

👍+1

May Duppname wrote:
It will only get worse under Labo*r, we must vote them out. They are spending £ millions on asylum seekers and illegals and that's why council taxes are increasing and services are being reduced. Vote Gargoyle.

👍+90

Hugh Issie wrote:
I personally want to see firm action on the illegal immigration. I hate what the government have done to the taxpayer. In housing them. Would they take up arms to defend Great Britain. I very much doubt they would. So why give them the 5 star treatment. Next problem we have is getting Labo*r out of central government.
They done nothing for this country

👍+90

Brian Ratt wrote:
Lab*ur are destroying everything, at a national level and on a local level. Vote for Gargoyle.

👍+89

Boring Welsh Tory wrote:
You will need a photo ID, such as a driving licence or passport.
A senior bus pass is also a valid form of ID and as it's local elections an EU driving licence is valid.
I know it said that in the article above but I just like to regurgitate stuff I google on the internet so that I can look smarter than everyone else on here.

👍+1

Gonads replied:
Didn’t work, did it? As usual, you just look like a knobhead.

👍👍+394

Gonads wrote:
Anyone voting for the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs UK Party PLC™©® is delusional, a private company run by millionaires, who blame everything on immigration. Don't be fooled by these snake oil salesmen, who are (this comment has been edited as it does meet our community standards – the Editor).

👎👎👎-900

SuperSmallDick wrote:
REFORM UK PARTY PLC©™® say they will stop all immigration overnight and I believe them. After all, they said Brexit would be good for the UK and they got that right, it’s only Labo*r that has turned this country into a shithole. Vote REFORM UK PARTY PLC©™®.

👍+125

Annoying MORON Pop-Up Ad Features Man With Extra Finger

A MORON pop-up ad caused some amusement when an eagle-eyed reader pointed out that the man holding the mobile phone appeared to have a thumb and FIVE fingers, rather than the normal four.

Needless to say, the smartarse has been banned from our website as one thing we at the MORON really hate is being laughed at. Fortunately, none of our other readers noticed the error (or maybe they really do all have extra fingers) so we've quietly withdrawn the ad before anyone else has a giggle at our expense. 

"We see our advert as a celebration of diversity", said the MORON's editor Sir Paul Mental.

"It's nothing to do with us getting rid of our graphics designer to save a bit of money, and getting an unpaid intern to knock up the artwork for our ads instead. So there..."

In the real world, the quality of a certain local news site's advertising graphics seems to be on a par with its journalism...

The MORON Regurgitates Daily Mail Anti-Starmer Immigration Headline

A total of 154 migrants have arrived in the country since the start of April, according to government figures that we copied from a typically screechy Daily Mail piece of manufactured outrage.

Immigrants in boats: All Labo*r's fault

It means the total number reaching our shores since Labo*r took power at the general election on July 4 has now reached 30,038.

The Conservatives have been quick to point out that in a similar timeframe during their administration - from July 2023 to April 2024 - there were 23,439 arrivals, enabling them to claim that Labo*r has allowed illegal crossings to increase by 28%.

The Shadow Home Secretary Chris Bluebottle said that Sir Ke*r St*rmer had betrayed the British public by losing control of the country’s borders.

Bluebottle: "He's fallen in the water..."

He told the Daily Mail: “St*rmer needs to develop a backbone and immediately implement an ineffective and expensive policy of performative cruelty that appeals to Daily Mail readers, such as a deportation scheme to Rwanda.”

“It's the only way we can stop these boats, even though our Rwanda scheme was a complete failure.”

“This total loss of border control is catastrophic for our country, er, unlike 14 years of Tory 'party before country' incompetence and corruption …”

The high number of arrivals followed a period of seven days with no activity, when high winds in the Channel deterred the boats.

So far this year, there has been a 25% increase in numbers compared with the same point last year and a 70% increase compared with 2023.

Whilst none of this is anything to do with the Midway area, we thought we’d throw an article in about asylum seekers because it always get the page views and allows us to slag off the democratically-elected government that we at the MORON don’t approve of 

We know that screechy headlines based on cherry-picked numbers is what our old Tory pensioner readership really want to see, because such headlines confirm what they think they already know.

We also appreciate that our readers aren’t interested in context when it comes to the right-wing manufactured issue of immigration, because that would go against the pre-conceived opinions we've already fed to them.

So we won’t be running our usual comments forum on this, in case some demented leftie points out that for the same July to April period across the previous 2022/23 period when the Tories were in government, the overall number of arrivals was 36,778 – 22% higher than the numbers we’re screeching about now.

Or that the channel crossing weather conditions (the most important factor in small boat crossings) were much more favourable this past year, with only four storms during the 2024/25 storm season, as against ten for the previous year.   

And this is all clearly Ke*r St*rmer’s fault, so think carefully about who you vote for in next month’s county council elections.

In the real world, we see a sly headline that invites the hard-of-thinking to confuse correlation with causation…

Chattingham Mum-Of-Six Left Shocked After Discovering ‘Massive’ Cheerio In Cereal From Asda

A young Mum-of-six was given food for thought while eating breakfast and watching the news - when she discovered a “massive” three-inch cheerio in her cereal bowl.

Mandy Gormless - "wants compensation"..

Mandy Gormless (23), from Chattingham, says a report on the TV about the US President was trumped by the sight of the monster cheerio.

The 23-year-old had just got up for breakfast at 11 am.

But she had barely begun tucking into her Cheerios- which she had bought from Asda in Chattingham - when she realised one stood out from the rest.

Mandy said: “The social services had already got my kids off to school for me so I was the only person in the house eating breakfast.”

“I was watching the eleven o’clock news and there was a story on about Donald Trump.”

“Then I saw I had this monster Cheerio in my dish. I was shocked, I could have choked on it.”

Giant Cheerio shock horror ordeal...

“Now I’m suffering from Post-Traumatic Giant Cheerio Stress Disorder Syndrome. I keep seeing giant Cheerios everywhere now, thanks to Asda.”

“I want compensation.”

A spokesperson for Asda said they had already received a complaint from Ms. Gormless.

“When we asked for proof of purchase however, Ms. Gormless became abusive, saying that “if that was our f**king attitude, she’d do her f**king shoplifting from f**king Sainsbury’s in future,” the spokesperson explained.

“So we’re calling that a ‘win-win’ for our Customer Services department”.

More cutting-edge journalism from the real world. Makes the World Weekly News look like the Times. Actually, thinking about it, these days…

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Troy Tempest wrote:
Worth every penny of the subscription charge. Not. Honestly, how is this news and (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor).

👍+105

Midway in my DNA wrote:
What a load of bollocks from the MORON. Find some real news if you are going to have the sheer cheek to ask us to pay for this utter (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor).

👍+124

Stonehengesteve wrote:
I think we all know, this is a coded message from Elvis on Mars. Actually, that would make more sense than this pile of (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor)

👍+113

Honestly wrote:
This looks like a mini-doughnut has been put on top of a bowl of Cheerios by a chancer trying to blag a few freebies and five minutes of fame. And the MORON gives these pathetic idiots a platform and then tries to charge us to view this dross? They must think we’re (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor)

👍+115

Chad Grindr replied:
Looks like a typical lazy self-entitled Labo*r voter to me. Sort of stupid thing a Labo*r voter would do.

👎-98

Gonads replied:
Says a Brexit supporter. How’s that working out by the way?

👍+67

OhWhatever wrote:
MORON have a word with yourself. This “dozy woman puts doughnut on Cheerios so she can try it on with a supermarket” article is behind your really-not-difficult-to-bypass paywall? And you want people to PAY to access this stuff? You must be having a (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor)

👍+116

Checkinout the Weatherchart wrote:
This is absolutely why I think the MORON subscription fee is totally justified. HaHaHa.

👍+97

Random Lookaround wrote:
Wow how can this even be a news story? She is certainly doing a lot to stereotype a certain look.

👍+101

Spicegirl wrote:
And this is news FFS?
Yawn yawn (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor)

👍+103

Backlash As MORON Fails To Stoke Culture Wars At Expense Of Popular Midway Pub.

The landlord of a popular Midway pub has hit back at claims that his decision to ban all outdoor smoking is “woke” and will cost him customers.

Pub landlord Alf Standpipe - "woke"...

Alf Standpipe has put a stop to customers lighting up anywhere on the premises at the Ordinary Fellow in Stroochester, including in its beer garden and on its front patio.

The decision – which he believes could be a UK first – had sparked a backlash from the MORON saying the ban will lose the pub vital trade, in a desperate attempt to stoke up a bit of anti-Labo*r right-wing ‘culture wars’ in advance of May’s county council elections.

But 72-year-old Mr. Standpipe – himself a non-smoker - believes it will have the opposite effect, with customers preferring to enjoy a drink outdoors without a haze of fumes around them.

“None of my regulars smoke and neither do I”, he told the MORON. “So why you silly buggers are trying to ape the Daily bloody Mail and stir up a bit of stupid ‘woke warrior’ culture wars bollocks is beyond me.”

“I’m fed up with yobbos and old hippies smoking weed in my pub garden to be honest. They can bugger off down the ‘Forks if they want to do that sort of thing.”

“Very few of our usual customers smoke because of the demographic we attract. Most of them just like a pint and bit of grub so a smoking ban is no big deal, despite what the right-wing local rag is trying to make out”.

VOTE IN OUR POLL BELOW

Smoking was controversially banned inside pubs and restaurants in 2007, but the rules did not extend to outside spaces, such as beer gardens.

However, last summer, the woke leftie Labo*r government confirmed it was considering adding outdoor areas to the ban, but later scrapped the plans amid a fierce backlash from the populist right-wing UK press looking for yet another stick to beat our elected government with.

Despite the U-turn, Mr Standpipe decided to impose his own rules on Tuesday – despite us trying to depict him as a trendy wokish leftie – with any customers now wanting to smoke having to leave the premises entirely to do so.

Unlike some other pubs in the UK that have banned smoking in beer gardens but kept designated areas for smokers, there is now nowhere at the Ordinary Fellow where would-be smokers can still light up.

Mr Standpipe says those who refuse to comply will be politely asked to bugger off.

“It’s completely their choice,” he said.

“There’s the Weatherforks just down the road, which is where the local piss-artists and potheads can go. And if our smoking ban keeps them out of my pub, that’s just fine by me and my customers.”

In 2016, figures showed that 62% of votes cast in Midway in the Brexit referendum were in favour of the “Leave” position - the highest proportion in Kent and well above the national average of 48%.

So it is perhaps unsurprising that Mr. Standpipe’s plans drew criticism from Midway’s frothing Daily Mail-reading right-wing pensioners when we blew up the news of the ban out of all proportion.

Fag-ash Gargoyle: Not welcome...

One would-be customer, May Dupp-Nayme, responded: “That's a shame Alf! I’ve never been in your pub, but I think that's crazy. Why shouldn't I enjoy a ciggie in the garden with my pint?”

“It's not harming anyone else! I work hard not to be nannied! Ridiculous!” Sue Doenym added: “I've never smoked in my life, but I don't agree with that. Not in the garden - you could lose a lot of customers.”

Fay Kydee commented: “One of my few joys left is a cigarette and a glass of wine in a pub garden. My garden is a cheaper option anyway, but I liked helping our local businesses.”

Hugh Issie simply wrote: “Go woke, go broke.”

The pub has won support, though, with regulars Jim and Angie Smith among those backing the ban. “This is a great decision,” Angie said. “Good for Alf. I’m glad he’s ignoring the culture warriors and doing what’s best for us regulars and our pub”.

This wasn’t what we wanted to hear, so we stopped talking to Mr. and Mrs. Bloody Lefty Smith.

Despite the campaign by the right-wing local press, Mr. Standpipe is undeterred and says the support he has received - both on social media and in person - is reassuring.

“I think people are getting fed up with this ‘culture wars’ bollocks,” he said. “What with Trump getting elected President in the US, people are starting to wake up to what a bunch of obnoxious twerps most right-wingers really are.”

“I think we'll probably gain business over it. We certainly won’t be losing any customers I don’t want to lose.”

“Weatherforks attracts all the local shouty right-wing pensioners, the binge-drinkers and the substance abusers, so we’re offering an alternative that seems to appeal to ordinary decent people, despite the best efforts of the MORON to demonise us.”  

“I think we may be the first to do it, but we won't be the last. 

In the real world, it looks as if a certain local news-site’s attempt at a Daily Mail-style bit of ‘culture wars’ didn’t get the support from its usual trolls that it probably hoped for… 

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Honesty wrote:
Well done Mr Standpipe, it's terrible trying to enjoy the air, when someone is smoking nearby.
Much more likely to visit now. Quite what the MORON is playing at is (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor).

👍+84

CashnCarrie wrote:
Well done Alf happy to know we can visit and enjoy a meal outside without having someone standing about puffing a fag all over us, hope you and the missus both keep well. Glad you have ignored the culture warriors at the MORON who are just a bunch of (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor)

👍+54

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
More evidence that the word "woke" has lost whatever meaning it used to have. The right-wing trolls will have to find another tedious insult. I bet the MORON are bitterly disappointed that no-one is rising to their culture wars troll-bait, or at least not in the way they hoped (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor)

👍+40

Neil Barse replied:
At last, GreyMondeoMan confesses the truth about himself before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Watcher posts on here.

👎-8

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
I know I can always rely on you for tedious insults Neil.

👍+14

Neil Barse replied:
A typically vindictive reply from the vindictive peddler of misinformation and Far Left hateful anti British antagonist europhile troll greymondeoman

👎-10

Nostrildigger wrote:
Great news, smokers are inherently selfish, and don't care who their second hand smoke / vape goes. Well done Alf for taking a stand against the MORON and their ((this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor)

👍+34

RaininghamTed wrote:
Good on him. Why should people have to put up with horrible smelly smoke of any sort being blown over them? Smokers say it's a restriction on their freedom - what about my freedom to sit outside f I want to? Seems the MORON are quick to attack ‘free speech’ when it doesn’t fit their (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor)

👍+38

MidwaysFinest wrote:
Good luck, as we all know that the smoke blows in, & the smell of cigarettes in the pub gardens lingers like a wet fart in a lift. I would visit a non smoking pub for sure, especially if it pisses off the right-wing hacks at the MORON, who seem to have misjudged (this comment has been edited as it does conform to our community guidelines – the Editor)

👍+36

Vaughanagain wrote:
I'd be more likely to visit for food in the garden in the summer. Should ban vaping too though. I don't want to taste strawberry shortcake either while I'm eating my curry. Why do the anti-woke brigade think this (comments are now closed on this article because they aren’t going the way we hoped they would – the Editor)

👍+36