Labo*r Budget Forces Weatherforks Pub Chain to Raise Prices and Cut Staff

Sir Martin Timms, Weatherforks pub chain owner - "fuming"...

Sir Martin Timms, owner of the Weatherforks chain of Brexit-themed pubs, today condemned the recent rises in the minimum wage and employer’s national insurance contributions announced by evil Labo*r Chancellor Rachel Re”ves in October’s budget.

“I didn’t pour millions into the Vote Leave campaign to get us out of the EU and its worker protection legislation, just so that a Labo*r government could then force us to pay a decent wage to our pub workers,” fumed Sir Timms.

“The government will be demanding that we let our bar and restaurant staff keep their tips next. It’s totally outrageous and typical of this crazed leftist Labo*r administration.”

Stroochester's Weatherforks - The Rees Mogg's Head

Weatherforks made a profit of £70m in 2024 to date, up from £62m last year. “So you can see that hospitality mega-chains like mine are really struggling,” said Sir Timms.

“Of course, there’s no way that my Board of Directors and I will be taking a pay cut, or not paying ourselves our usual multi-million-pound bonuses this year. And our shareholders will also be expecting their usual inflated dividends – not to mention the cost of our donations to the REFORM and Tory parties.”

“So to pay for Labo*r’s anti-business tax rises and woke, leftist staff pay increases whilst keeping ourselves and our rich chums in the style to which we have all become accustomed, we’ll be making staff redundant and expecting the remaining ones to work harder. Just like we always do when someone tries to put the squeeze on us.”

“We’ll also be jacking up prices and lowering the quality of our food and drink, as we usually do whenever our margins look threatened.”

“And now we have a Labo*r government, we and our chums in the tame right-wing press can just blame any price rises and redundancies on K*ir St*rmer and his henchmen, rather than our own greed!” gloated Sir Timms.

Sean O' Braincell: Typical Weatherfork's regular...

We spoke to his regular customers at Stroochester’s Weatherfork boozer, the Sir Rees Mogg’s Head, and asked them what they thought of Sir Timm’s comments and the likely effect of the Labo*r budget on pub prices.

“Isss typicall faaaakin’ Labo*r, innit? Faaackin’ waaankers,” said one, a Mr. Sean O’Braincell.

“Faaaackin’ communists hate all faaackin’ bisnis, don’ they?  An’ wot abaht those illegal immigrants, eh?!!! Comin’ over ‘ere in their boats!!! Wos Two Tier Kier ‘an ‘is lefty bum chums doin’ abaht that then, eh?”

“Nuffink, ‘cept forcin’ up the price of my pint to pay for it all. Faaackin’ waaankers….”

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy. 

Chad Grindr wrote:
So no surprise, the communist Labo*r party have now targeted the most vulnerable in our society i.e. multi-millionaire business owners. Those people who voted this shower of leftist loons into power should hang their heads in shame. It's the classic example of take from the hard working and successful and give to the feckless and lazy. Disgusting!

👍+302 

Super Small Dick wrote:
One of the private schools near me has written to all local sports clubs that hire their sports halls informing them that all sports halls are to be turned into hostels for asylum seekers. Well done Labo*r. What a shambles. Four more years of this leftist, gimmigrant-loving drivel.

👍+168 

Tornado Chaser replied:
As usual, multi-millionaire Tory donors gripe about anything a Labour government does. I thought it was a pretty good budget for starters. Hopefully Re*ves will do a bit more in future to recover the trillions that mega-rich parasites have sucked out of this country during the past 15 years of Tory (this comment has been edited because our readers may otherwise be offended by it - Ed).

👎👎👎-489

Neil Barse replied:
Ah, the return of the bitter, leftist loser that is TC. At last Tornado Chaser confesses the truth about themselves before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Chaser posts on here. As usual, I win the argument by my relentlessly logical and calm, reasoned, factual responses, unlike the hate-filled rants of far-leftist Guardian-reading pillocks like TC.

👍👍👍👍+1092 

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever wrote:
Removing subsidies from feckless, work-shy pensioners was a good start, a move worthy of the Conservatives at their very best. Unfortunately, Labo*r has now reverted to its true socialist nature, inflicting massive tax hikes on those people who are the engine of the UK’s economy, i.e. billionaire overseas investment trust owners and absentee UK land barons. I, for one, will be leaving the socialist hell that this country has become as soon as I can, just like I have threatened to do in the past but never have.

👍+63

Gonads replied:
Good. Don’t let the door hit you on the a*se on the way out.

👎-1 

Daily Mail Bob wrote:
two tier kier st*rmer has put this policy in place after telling the tories years ago if they scrapped the WFA that thousands of pensioners would die he opposed it back then now he's got into goverment his own parties research suggests as many as 4000 pensioners will die this winter due to the WFA being taken away he presses on ahead with it then rachel r*eves puts in expenses for her heating for her 2nd home not even her 1st home and claims heating allowance you couldnt make this up but thank god the daily mail can to save 1.3 billion killing our parents, our grandparents whom have paid into the system all their lives and what do we do sent 11 odd billion to Africa for climate change, give already well paid train drivers and junior doctors costing 9 billion well thats 20 billion quid there thats not even mention heating all the illegal migrants in the hotels or the cost of housing all the prisoners, some violent and dangerous, upon their release and they have the gall to say the tories have created a 22 billion black hole and blame killing pensioners on the previous government the tories were useless, yes and ran their race but this is beyond a joke the tories werent and arent fit to run a bath let a know govern but this lot only 10-11 wks in are doing more damage and sticking two fingers up to working class middle class in fact the vast majority of the British public more than the last government did in 14 pathetic years thanks for not voting Tories and basically giving Labour a chance by default f*** you british public regards Kier I will destroy this country up yours says St*rmer

👍+123 

Gonads replied:
What a load of (this comment has been edited for brevity – Ed)

👎-98 

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in the next elections because all parties are corrupt unlike Russian oligarch money which is good for UK, which will be good news for all Russian internet trolls and dear Mr. Putin.

👍+18

 

Midway Braced For Freezing Blizzard Storm Disaster Conditions

Midway set for possible arctic hell...

Midway is bracing itself for freezing Arctic conditions after one weather forecast website we read about in a fellow loony right-wing newspaper hinted at a chance of snow in the next ten days.

Temperatures are set to plummet to a freezing hell of 2° overnight, which might lead to chaos on Midway’s roads if the temperature was to fall another 10 degrees and it actually started snowing.

The heavy snowfall fifteen years ago brought much of Midway to a stand-still, and the situation looks set to worsen if snow starts falling.

At least two inches settled across the area after the snowfall which started at about 4pm on 5^th December 2010 and another heavy snowfall which had already started that morning (Thursday), with about half an inch falling in 15 minutes.

The snow caused chaos for drivers, with people being forced to abandon their vehicles across the whole of Midway.

Killer blizzard terror...maybe...

Back then, buses were still replacing trains, although a spokesman today said “the service depends on the condition of the roads, which are not expected to be hazardous for another few weeks”.

Midway Council has announced that its refuse and recycling collection is currently under review, although that has nothing to do with the weather.

Midway Police are advising motorists to only travel if necessary if it does actually snow, as any snowfall could turn to ice, making driving conditions in many parts hazardous.

Chief Inspector Mike Grabber, head of Midway Police's roads policing unit, said: "Driving in snow and on icy roads is very difficult, even for experienced drivers.”

"Tyres can lose traction when the road surface is wet or icy, which can result in skidding and a loss of control of the vehicle.”

"Drivers need to ask themselves whether their journey is necessary if there is very heavy snowfall. If motorists do have to travel they should take a fully charged mobile phone, food, water and warm clothes with them in case they get stranded, quick recovery cannot be guaranteed in periods of severe weather."

Midway river freezes over in imaginary winter hell...

“However, as there’s virtually no risk of any snow in the next few weeks, we suggest people stop worrying about scare stories in stupid Tory news sites…” 

No schools or nurseries in Midway are closed, despite the vanishingly small risk of bad weather.

A spokesman for Tesco said, “there’s no need whatsoever to panic buy. There’s no imminent threat of bad weather in the next couple of weeks, despite a certain local news-site trying to drum up panic to boost its “clicks”.”

ex-MP Kylie Trollhouse: All Labo*r's fault...

Former Stroochester MP Kylie Trollhouse was quick to point out that the threat of bad weather is undoubtedly the fault of Midway’s Labo*r council and K*ir St*rmer.

“I was a Tory MP for ten years and during that time it hardly ever snowed. Now we already have a weather warning saying that Midway is about to be transformed into a freezing socialist-style hell not seen since the last Ice Age.”

“This can only be the fault of Midway’s Labo*r council and K*ir’s St*rmer’s incompetence.”

“People of Midway need to sign a recall petition to get rid of our totally useless Labo*r MP Skippi Myrtle after her vicious racist rant on Twitter, which is surely a serious criminal offence under Two-Tier K*ir’s war on hate tweets.”

“Then they can vote me back in again. Pleeeeeeeeeaase!”

 Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Chad Grunter wrote:
I’m sure the usual leftist climate-change loons will be claiming that cold weather is down to global warming rather than just “weather”.

👍+124

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Man-made climate change is a genuine phenomenon that threatens our entire way of life. Continuing to deny it means we will continue to fail to address it.

👎-165

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from a typically stupid remoaning socialist La**ur-supporting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you K**r St**mer-loving, La**urite bum-boy.

👍👍👍+534

Boring Welsh Tory wrote:
Climate change is a myth promoted by left-wing political activists intent on bringing down our wonderful fossil fuel industry in order to impose their own communist utopia and enslave all to the alien lizard people fronted by George Soros and Kamala Harris. I know that because I read about it on the Internet.:
The-Elsevier-Book-Of-Right-Wing-Conspiracy-Theories-co.uk

Global temperatures are, in fact, falling and the polar ice caps are growing at an alarming rate
Made-up-climate-data-produced-by-fossil-fuel-companies that-only-dopey-welshsters-believe.co.uk

I live in Wales and when I look out of the window of my Mum’s attic where I’ve lived for the past forty years, it’s still raining. That proves that climate isn’t changing.
My-sad-lived-experience-is-universally-applicable.com

👍+1

Gonads replied:
Climate is changing but you aren’t. You’re still a boring know-it-all tw*t

👍👍+78

Super Small Dick wrote:
Thanks to St*armer taking away my heating allowance I will probably die from hypothermia soon like millions of other UK pensioners. Meanwhile, millions of illegal immigrants will be nice and warm in their luxury hotels that I’ve helped pay for.

👍+214

Tornado Watcher replied:
Come off it. You used to spend your heating allowance money in the nearest “Spoons”, just like all the other well-off Tory pensioners who populate the comments section here.

👎-134

Super Small Dick replied:
So what if I did? It’s the principle that matters. And what about those illegal immigrants, eh?

👍+90

Tornado Watcher replied:
What about them? This article was about bad weather (or lack of), not “illegal immigrants”.

👎-89

Neil Barse replied:
At last Tornado Chaser confesses the truth about themselves before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Chaser posts on here. As usual, I win the argument by my relentlessly logical and calm, reasoned, factual responses, unlike the hate-filled rants of far-leftist Guardian-reading pillocks like Tornado Chaser.

👍👍👍+346

Tornado Watcher replied:
Ah, Neil Barse, the very muse of Shakespeare himself.
“Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale, her infinite variety”…

👎-234

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is Tornado Watcher. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍+1024

Tornado Watcher replied:
Quod erat demonstrandum…

👎-10

Neil Barse replied:
Your inevitable vile abuse is now written in French, the language of pathetic leftist remoaning socialist scum that is so often prevalent on this forum.

👍+98

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever wrote:
I see that K*ir St*rmer is encouraging his MPs to debate the question of assisted dying. I dare say his government is also hoping for a severe winter now he has cut the winter heating allowance. Both are part of the Labo*r master plan for easing the pressure of the NHS, no doubt. Fortunately I am rich enough not to care about the NHS or poor people, although R*chel Re*ves is doing her best to make things otherwise.

👍+63

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in the next elections because all parties are corrupt unlike Russian oligarch money which is good for UK, which will be good news for all Russian internet trolls and dear Mr. Putin.

👍+18

 

Midway's Labour Council Denies Plans To Force All Householders To Take In Asylum Seekers

“Keir Starmer Ate My Hamster” claims Chattingham Mum

Mandy Gormless; "wants compensation..."

More evidence of a Labo*r government spiralling out of control came to light today when Chattingham mother-of-six Mandy Gormless (23) checked her young daughter’s pet hamster cage.

“We’d just bin watchin’ the news on telly an’ that K*ir Starm*r bloke was on,” said Ms. Gormless.

“Next thing we know, the door of my little Katie’s hamster cage was open and her little pet hamster, Kemi, had gone. That ain’t no coincidence.”

Stock photo of hamster

“I reckon it was that K*ir Starm*r wot dunnit,” said tearful Chattingham mother-of-six Mandy Gormless (23). “My Katie is devastated. I want compensation…”

Labo*r chancellor Rachel Re*ves later denied plans to introduce a hamster tax as part of her commitment to further penalise the working-class people of Britain and reduce millions to abject poverty.

“Labo*r’s manifesto made no mention of a hamster tax and we have no plans to introduce one,” said a spokesman from the Chancellor’s office.

 

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
This story is obviously a complete load of made-up (this comment has been edited because we don’t like Grey Mondeo Man - Ed)

👎👎👎-231

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is GreyMondeoMan. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍👍👍+1024

Chad Grindr wrote:
Labo*r’s manifesto didn’t mention their plans to condemn millions of UK pensioners to a freezing death by scrapping the heating allowance either. Doubtless millions of innocent hamster owners will soon be bearing the cost of Ms. Reeve’s communist revolution. I hope the dribbling leftist loons who voted Labo*r at the last election are proud of themselves.

👍👍+202

Tornado Watcher replied:
Could it be that this story is a load of Daily Mail-style made-up rubbish? A hamster goes AWOL and it’s K*ir Starm*r’s fault? A hamster tax? Really?

👎👎👎👎👎👎-1877

Yu Rong replied:
Another apologist from the extreme left. This is a bad news story about Labo*r so it must be true. Bad news stories about the Tories are far-left, hate-filled disinformation, of course.

👍+390

Neil Barse replied:
Typical whataboutery and lies from a bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser. And what about Labo*r’s plans to compulsory purchase all UK pensioner’s houses and give them to asylum seekers, eh? eh? That’s a plan that I’m sure you far-left UK haters would approve of.

👍👍👍👍+995

Super Small Dick wrote:
Donald Trump says illegal immigrants eat pets, so it must be true. Katie’s hamster has probably wound up on the table of a luxury hotel to help feed Starm*r’s boat people friends. Meanwhile, millions of pensioners are freezing to death and all public schools are being shut down by having to pay VAT so that Starm*r can turn them all into hostels for illegal immigrants.

👍👍+513

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Why (this comment has been edited because we don’t like Grey Mondeo Man - Ed)

👎👎👎👎👎👎-231

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is GreyMondeoMan. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍👍👍+1024

Boring Welsh Tory wrote:
Hamsters belong to the family Cricetidae, which includes voles and lemmings as well as rats and mice. The 20 or more species of hamsters are quite varied. Most hamsters are nocturnal and spend their days hiding from predators. In the wild, hamsters dig burrows with deep tunnels and multiple entrances for protection. They are solitary animals, spending most of their time in their burrows alone. They are also fiercely territorial and will attack other hamsters. Given their high reproductive rate and that Hawaii’s climate is similar to the hamsters' native habitat, hamsters are illegal in Hawaii. In past studies, wild hamsters have exhibited great spatial intelligence (including a visual memory) while foraging for food. Many believe they can also learn their names and bond with their human companions. Most pet shop hamsters are in fact robots built by Elon Musk and Bill Gates so that they can spy on their owners and make reports back to the alien lizard people who are looking to enslave humanity.

👍+1

Gonads replied:
You’ve got quite a lot in common with a hamster, haven’t you? Except for the intelligence and being able to “bond with human companions”, of course.

👍+112

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in the next elections because all parties are corrupt unlike Russian oligarch money which is good for UK, which will be good news for all Russian internet trolls and dear Mr. Putin.

👍+18

 

Midway's Claptout-On-Sea's MP Condemns Labo*r Government's Budget In New Video

Niglet the Gargoyle: working hard for his constituents

From his current American residence, Niglet the Gargoyle (owner of the Really Extreme Far Out Right-Wing Maniacs UK Party®™© PLC and MP for the Midway constituency of Claptout-on-Sea) has warned that Labo*r’s “inheritance tax raid will destroy rural communities” as he blasted K*ir St*rmer and R*chel Re*ves for “declaring war on small family farms owned by billionaire tax exiles”.

In a slickly-filmed new video posted on Xcrement (cleverly made to look as though the Claptout-on-Sea MP had actually visited a farm in his constituency, even though he is really in North America campaigning for fellow right-wing maniac, presidential candidate Donald Turnip) Gargoyle met a farmer set to be impacted by the Chancellor’s new Budget.

Evil Labo*r Chancellor R*chel Re*ves

Speaking to an actor (Hank Methane) pretending to be a third-generation UK farmer, the Really Extreme Far Out Right-Wing Maniacs UK Party®™© PLC owner said Labo*r “doesn’t understand” the circumstances of most UK family farms.

The Gargoyle said: “So I've just arrived at a 300-acre family farm. It's in its third generation. It's got 2 or 3 houses, outbuildings and some farm animal thingies”.

“The Budget has been just the most massive shock for the farmer here, Hank Methane.

“In a moment I'm going to chat to him and he's in, I have to say, in a pretty distressed state.”

“The big shock in the budget was inheritance tax on farmland; farmland handed down through the generations and then bought up by my good friend and party donor, billionaire UK tax-exile Mick Darkson.”

He asked Mr. Methane: “Hank, this is a family farm. So you finish up with a situation when Mr. Darkson kicks you off what was once your land in order to sell it to developers and shift his money abroad, what will you have to do?”

Hank Methane: typical UK farmer... 

Mr. Methane responded: “I don't know, buddy, Obviously I gotta get some sorta advice from someone.”

“Not that I can actually afford speak to anyone at the minute, what with all the attorneys and accountants being signed up to work for rich people like Mr. Darkson, but it’s obviously something I gotta look into.”

“I've done a kinda rough estimate for myself. I’ll probably just have to stop, to be honest, just so I can keep a roof over the heads and stuff.”

“So there we have it”, concluded Niglet the Gargoyle. “This evil Labo*r government has declared a class war upon poor innocent billionaire tax exiles such as my very good friend Mick Darkson. As a result, thousands of small farmers will be thrown off their land.”

“The British countryside will be destroyed when these farms get sold by their billionaire tax-exile owners to overseas property developers, who will then build vast concrete estates of shoddily-built buy-to-let housing that will be filled by government-subsidised asylum seekers. And it’s all K*ir St*rmer’s fault.”

“So remember to Vote for the Really Extreme Far Out Right-Wing Maniacs UK Party®™© PLC at the next elections. We don’t have any answers, but at least we’ll blame immigrants and suck up to overseas dictators, megalomaniac billionaires and rich Russian oligarchs…”

Midway Farmers Revolt Against Evil Labo*r Chancellor R*chel Re*ves Budget Rise in IHT

Billionaire landowner and hobby farmer Mick Darkson - feeling the pinch

Labo*r's inheritance tax raid on farmers has been branded "catastrophic" as their evil class war on the agricultural industry continues. Chancellor R*chel Re*ves has doubled down on the decision, claiming it is "not affordable" to continue to give tax relief to rich landowners.

A scheduled Midway farmers' protest appears to have received the go-ahead after a meeting between local landowner Michael Darkson and evil Labo*r Environment Secretary Steve Reed failed to result in a resolution.

Darkson, who is representing growing numbers of disgruntled rich Midway absentee landowners, accused Chancellor R*chel Re*ves of introducing an “unfair” inheritance tax levy after leaving Whitehall earlier today.

Re*ves announced a 20 per cent levy on farms worth more than £1million in last week’s tax-raising Budget. However, the Chancellor had suggested the threshold could be placed at closer to £3million in some cases.

Speaking to the MORON, Midway landowner Michael Darkson expressed his outrage at the decision and how "catastrophic" it will be for the agricultural industry.

Darkson explained: "I was watching the whole budget in on the television on my yacht in Monaco, and it was like watching a horror movie.

Evil Labo*r Chancellor R*achel Re*ves

"Everything that was announced is absolutely catastrophic for billionaires like me, who have bought up thousands of acres of UK farmland as a way of sheltering our hard-earned billions from Inheritance Tax."

Responding to Re*ves's comments on putting the money back into the NHS and public services, Darkson fumed that what Re*ves claims to have done to benefit the economy will actually do the opposite".

Darkson told GB News: "Expecting rich people to actually pay a proportionate share of tax is totally unfair to rich people. We rich people don’t use the NHS or public services, so why should we subsidise them?” 

“Now that we might actually have to pay some sort of tax on our UK land assets, we’ll probably sell our land off to developers for house-building instead. This will be catastrophic for the farmers and their families who actually do the work on the farms we own.”

“It’ll also be catastrophic for the UK food supply chain. But we don’t care about our tenant farmers or UK food security.”

“Thanks to Re*ves, we’ll be cashing in our UK land holdings and shifting our millions to offshore trust funds instead. If a bunch of yokel farmers go bust and the UK runs out of food, we couldn’t care less. We billionaires have to protect our billions, after all.”

Speaking after he emerged from a meeting with wicked communist Labo*r stooges Reed and Treasury Minister James Murray, Darkson said: “Obviously, we fully dispute the figures the Treasury has been using because they don’t suit our agenda and so we’ve played back our own figures.

“The Treasury is saying only 27 per cent of farms will be within scope of these changes, whereas all farms owned by billionaires like me will be in scope”.

“How the Government can think that wealthy landowners should have to pay inheritance tax is quite unbelievable. We’ve got used to the Tory philosophy that taxes only have to be paid by poor people, who can’t afford clever accountants and lawyers like we can.”

“There’s certainly no resolution today, we’ve made very passionately our perception clear: that this tax change is completely unfair to multi-millionaire land barons like us”.

MicroStrad: For the billionaire land owner in YOUR life

“It had been ruled out by the Secretary of State in the run-up to the election. Now there are many family farms right across the United Kingdom that are worried for their future, given that they are just tenants whose land and livelihoods we’ll be selling off...”

One Midway business is delighted with the budget however. 

MicroStrad, a specialist company that makes really small violins, says that business is booming. 

"Our product is the perfect accompaniment to all of the sob stories rich UK land barons have been coming out with since the IHT changes for agricultural land have been announced," said a MicroStrad spokesman. "Our really tiny violins are just flying off the shelves..."

Pauline On Politics - Labo*r's Autumn Budget...

Our political correspondent, Pauline Popkins, gives us her considered and unbiased analysis of Chancellor R*chel Re*ves's first budget as Labo*r chancellor...

ARRRRRRRRGHHH!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! LEFTIST BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!! HATE! HATE!! HATE!!! With one swish of her red box, evil COMMUNIST ANTI-GROWTH COALITION member Chancellor R*chel Re*ves has COMPLETELY DESTROYED THE UK ECONOMY. It’s nothing less than STARMERGEDDON!!!!!

Businesses are REELING under the MASSIVE INCREASE in employers’ national insurance contributions by a LOONY SOCIALIST ANTI-GROWTH 1.2 percentage points to 15% from April 2025. Add that into a DEEP-STATE WOKE increase in the national minimum wage to a MIND-BLOWING £12.21 an hour, and BUSINESSES WILL BE FLEEING THE UK IN DROVES!!!

Except that they can’t because EVIL RE*VES has even made sure that private jets will attract an extra 50% air passenger duty!!! Up to £450 per passenger for a flight!!!! HOW ARE MULTI-MILLIONAIRES SUCH AS RISHI SUNAK AND HIS WIFE EXPECTED TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD TO FLY TO CALIFORNIA NOW???!!!!

Evil Socialist Chancellor R*chel Re*ves...

HOW CAN UK BUSINESSES AND THEIR OWNERS BE EXPECTED TO SURVIVE IF THEY CAN’T PAY THEIR EMPLOYEES PEANUTS????!!! EH????!!! EH????!!!

And not only that, LABO*R’S CLASS WAR ON BRITAIN’S ENTREPRENEURS continues with a MASSIVE HIKE in Capital Gains Tax. The lower rate will be raised from 10% to a MINDBENDING 18%, and the higher rate from 20% to a DEVASTATING 24%. Even worse, business and agricultural assets worth more than £1m will attract a COLLOSAL inheritance tax hit of 20%.

WHAT’S THE POINT OF BILLIONAIRES BUYING UP THE UK’S FARMLAND IN ORDER TO AVOID IHT IF EVIL SOCIALIST LOONY R*EVES IS GOING TO TAX THEM ON IT???!!! UTTER MADNESS!!!!

And in a move that TOTALLY DESTROYS THE BRITISH EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM, VAT will be brought in on private school fees from January 2025. This SHAMELESS DISPLAY OF ENVY POLITICS will see the playing fields of Eton turned into centres for MILLIONS OF MUSLIM TERRORIST ASYLUM SEEKERS, as doubtless intended.

Where are the £40 billion’s worth of unfunded tax cuts that kick-started the UK economy under Liz Truss? Where are the unfunded economy-boosting national insurance cuts that Tory Chancellor Jeremy Hunt used to try and bribe middle-class people to vote Tory before the last election? EH???? EH?????

INSTEAD, EVIL SOCIALIST RE*VES IS MAKING RICH PEOPLE PAY MORE TAX??!! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT ONLY POOR PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO PAY TAXES?!!!!…….

The LOONY SOCIALIST ANTI-GROWTH COALITION led by TOFU-EATING WOKERATI LEFT-WING HEDGE FUND MANAGERS, COMMUNIST BANKERS, LEFTIE LAWYERS and DEEP-STATE WOKE CIVIL SERVANTS have COMPLETELY DESTROYED THE UK’S ECONOMY in order to bring about a SOCIALIST UTOPIA!!!.......earthquakes ……. plagues of locusts ……rains of blood ……….. the Four Horseman …….. the Kraken rises............ the seas boil.........ANGELA RAYNER…………ARRRRRRRRRGHHH!!!! ……. HATE! HATE!! HATE!!!

There’s only one answer to all this. SEND THE LABOUR GOVERNMENT TO RWANDA!!!!! It’s the only language they understand!!!!!!!! EXCEPT THAT WE CAN’T!!!!……… BECAUSE THAT STOP RINGING THOSE BELLS STOP RINGING THOSE BELLS NAMBY-PAMBY WOKE SNOWFLAKE ST*RMER HAS ALREADY SCRAPPED THE RWANDA DEPORTATION SCHEME!!!!!!!

Gibber gibber meep meep bleep whirr OH RUNNING BEAR…LURVED LITTLE WHITE DOVE….WITH A LURRRRVE AS BIG AS THE SKY bibble wibble wobble OH RUNNING BEAR…LURVED LITTLE WHITE DOVE…WITH A LURRRVE THAT COULDN'T DIEEEEeeeeeyyOOOOH MY GOD my brain’s exploded!!!!

 

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
The shrieking right-wing press have, of course, gone completely rabid about what in reality is a sensible, pragmatic and fair (this comment has been edited because our readers may otherwise be offended by it - Ed)

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Yu Rong replied:
Another hate-filled apologist from the extreme left. This is a Labo*r budget so it must be bad. Tory budgets (such as Liz Truss’s historic £40 billion unfunded tax-cutting extravaganza, for example) are always good, of course.

👍👍👍👍+390

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid comment from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is GreyMondeoMan. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍+1024

Chad Grindr wrote:
So no surprise, the communist Labo*r party have now targeted the most vulnerable in our society i.e. multi-millionaire land-owners. Those people who voted this shower of leftist loons into power should hang their heads in shame. It's the classic example of take from the hard working and successful and give to the feckless and lazy. Disgusting!

👍+378

Super Small Dick wrote:
One of the private schools near me has written to all local sports clubs that hire their sports halls informing them that all sports halls are to be turned into hostels for asylum seekers. Well done Labo*r. What a shambles. Four more years of this leftist, gimmigrant-loving drivel.

👍+752

Tornado Chaser replied:
As usual, Pauline goes nuts about anything a Labour government does. I thought it was a pretty good budget for starters. Hopefully she’ll do a bit more in future to recover the trillions that mega-rich parasites have sucked out of this country during the past 15 years of Tory (this comment has been edited because our readers may otherwise be offended by it - Ed).

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Neil Barse replied:
Ah, the return of the bitter, leftist loser that is TC. At last Tornado Chaser confesses the truth about themselves before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Chaser posts on here. As usual, I win the argument by my relentlessly logical and calm, reasoned, factual responses, unlike the hate-filled rants of far-leftist Guardian-reading pillocks like TC.

👍👍👍👍👍👍+346

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever wrote:
Removing subsidies from feckless, work-shy pensioners was a good start, a move worthy of the Conservatives at their very best. Unfortunately, Labo*r has now reverted to its true socialist nature, inflicting massive tax hikes on those people who are the engine of the UK’s economy, i.e. billionaire overseas investment trust owners and absentee UK land barons. I, for one, will be leaving the socialist hell that this country has become as soon as I can, just like I have threatened to do in the past but never have.

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Gonads replied:
Good. Don’t let the door hit you on the a*se on the way out.

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Daily Mail Bob wrote:
two tier kier st*rmer has put this budget in place after telling the tories years ago if they scrapped the WFA that thousands of pensioners would die he opposed it back then now he's got into goverment his own parties research suggests as many as 4000 pensioners will die this winter due to the WFA being taken away he presses on ahead with it then rachel r*eves puts in expenses for her heating for her 2nd home not even her 1st home and claims heating allowance you couldnt make this up but thank god the daily mail can to save 1.3 billion killing our parents our grandparents whom have paid into the system all their lives and what do we do sent 11 odd billion to Africa for climate change give already well paid train drivers and junior doctors costing 9 billion well thats 20 billion quid there thats not even mention heating all the illegal migrants in the hotels or the cost of housing all the prisoners some violent and dangerous upon their release and they have the gall to say the tories have created a 22 billion black hole and blame killing pensioners on the previous government the tories were ok but had ran their race but this is beyond a joke the tories werent too bad but this lot only 10-11 wks in are doing more damage and sticking two fingers up to working class middle class in fact the vast majority of the British public more than the last government did in 14 years thanks for not voting Tories and basically giving Labour a chance by default f*** you british public regards Kier I will destroy this country up yours says St*rmer

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Gonads replied:
What a load of (this comment has been edited for brevity – Ed)

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Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in the next elections because all parties are corrupt unlike Russian oligarch money which is good for UK, which will be good news for all Russian internet trolls and dear Mr. Putin.

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