Midway Council To Employ Graffiti Artist to "Lighten The Mood"

Stock picture of rude pothole graffiti

Vic Marbles, Leader of Midway’s Lab**r council, today defended a decision to employ a famous graffiti artist to create “artistic works highlighting the problems facing people today”.

Vic Marbles: creative

“Basically, the council is broke,” said Mr. Marbles. “According to the NAO, total spending power for local authorities fell by 26% between 2010/11 and 2020/21. Spending power funded by the government fell in real terms by more than 50% on a like-for-like basis between 2010/11 and 2020/21.” 

“The previous Conservative council have also tied us into long-term service contracts that prevent us from seeking better value elsewhere, whilst sweeping the poor or absent quality of the work that does get done under the carpet.” 

“Ten years of Tory neglect and 15 year’s of central government “austerity” is the reason Midway’s roads are full of potholes, and why we are struggling to fix them. So in the absence of enough money to fix our roads, we’ve decided to take a creative view of the problem.”

“That’s we we’ve employed Manchester graffiti artist Wanksy, who will be working to turn Midway’s potholes into things that can be viewed as entertaining works of art rather than damaging and dangerous nuisances. It’s certainly more than the Tories have ever done in the past 10 years…” 

Cllr Fred Flymo: "raking it in"

Speaking from his “holiday home” in the Cayman Isles, Conservative Councillor Fred Flymo, said: “The deals we negotiated with service providers offered exceptional value for tax-payer’s money. By that I mean ‘value for the directors and shareholders of the contract companies’, of course.” 

“We’re – sorry, they’re raking it in. 20 year tie-ins with no penalty or performance clauses, along with above inflation annual adjustments means we – sorry, they are gouging the tax-payers like never before.”

The CEO of BilkerRoadways, Cayman Isles tax-exile Mrs. Freda Flymo, agreed. “We have a wonderful relationship with Midway Council. They currently give us £10 million a year to maintain Midway’s roads. Of course, that really doesn’t go too far when you have to fund the lifestyles of our executives and our shareholders, so we’ve had to make some staff cuts in order to keep us in the manner to which we have become accustomed.” 

“Nevertheless, Midway’s council tax payers can rest assured that our team of expert highways repair engineers (Mr. Paddy O’Murphy and Mr. Seamus O’Brien) are working as hard as they can to maintain the 1200 miles of roads within the borough.” 

Kylie Trollhouse MP: Lab**r's Fault

“The appalling state of Midway’s roads is entirely the Lab**r council’s fault”, said Kylie Trollhouse, MP for Stroochester and Odd Bits Of Chattingham That Got Carved Up So That Lab**r Couldn’t Win.” 

“Yes, I may have consistently voted for Tory austerity measures over the past 10 years. Yes, my party has consistently cut funding for councils. And yes, Midway’s Tory council had neglected the roads for the past 10 years before Lab**r were elected.” 

“But under the Conservatives, the pot holes in Midway’s roads were far nicer potholes, not like the ugly Lab**r potholes we have now. Vote Conservative for prettier potholes.” 

 

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy. 

Grey Mondeo Man wrote: 

I think Kylie Trollhouse is a complete hypocrite. Typical Tory lobby fodder, she’s voted through every single austerity measure without a qualm, and is now trying to blame Midway’s new Lab**r council for the inevitable outcome. We can expect to see this happening at a national level very soon.

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David Simile the Second replied:

A typically stupid reply from a typically stupid remoaning socialist Lab**r-supporting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

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Grey Mondeo Man replied: 

As Shakespeare said, “age cannot wither, nor custom stale, your infinite variety”…

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David Simile the Second replied:

A typically stupid reply from a typically stupid remoaning socialist Lab**r-supporting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

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Kylie Trollhouse replied: 

I am not “Lobby Fodder”!!! I automatically vote for every single measure put in front of me by the Whips because I passionately and unthinkingly believe that Tories have a divine right to rule and therefore anything our leaders do is right, even if millions of poor people have to suffer as a result!!! Serves them right for being poor, that’s a lifestyle choice!!! Fortunately, we are bringing in new anti-terrorist laws that mean we will soon be able to have people like you arrested!!! Freedom of speech is too valuable a right to have it wasted on non-Tories like you!!! So there!!!

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Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever replied: 

What this country needs is the smack of firm government. I am pleased they are taking steps to suppress the views of the poor. Why on earth should we allow people without money to decide things, or even be heard? That just leads to things like taxing rich people and we simply can’t have that.

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Gonads wrote: 

Brexit makes things worse.

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