The landlord of a popular Midway pub has hit back at claims that his decision to ban all outdoor smoking is “woke” and will cost him customers.
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| Pub landlord Alf Standpipe - "woke"... |
The decision – which he believes could be a UK-first – had sparked a backlash from the MORON saying the ban will lose the pub vital trade, in a desperate attempt to stoke up a bit of anti-Labo*r right-wing ‘culture wars’ in advance of May’s county council elections.
But 72-year-old Mr. Standpipe – himself a non-smoker - believes it will have the opposite effect, with customers preferring to enjoy a drink outdoors without a haze of fumes around them.
“None of my regulars smoke and
neither do I”, he told the
“I’m fed up with yobbos and old hippies smoking weed in my pub garden to be honest. They can bugger off down the ‘Forks if they want to do that sort of thing.”
“Very few of our usual customers smoke because of the demographic we attract. Most of them just like a pint and bit of grub so a smoking ban is no big deal, despite what the right-wing local rag is trying to make out”.
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Smoking was controversially banned inside pubs and restaurants in 2007, but the rules did not extend to outside spaces, such as beer gardens.
However, last summer, the woke leftie Labo*r government confirmed it was considering adding outdoor areas to the ban, but later scrapped the plans amid a fierce backlash from the populist right-wing UK press looking for yet another stick to beat our elected government with.
Despite the U-turn, Mr Standpipe decided to impose his own rules on Tuesday – despite us trying to depict him as a trendy wokish leftie – with any customers now wanting to smoke having to leave the premises entirely to do so.
Unlike some other pubs in the UK that have banned smoking in beer gardens but kept designated areas for smokers, there is now nowhere at the Ordinary Fellow where would-be smokers can still light up.
Mr Standpipe says those who refuse to comply will be politely asked to bugger off.
“It’s completely their choice,” he said.
“There’s the Weatherforks just down the road, which is where the local piss-artists and potheads can go. And if our smoking ban keeps them out of my pub, that’s just fine by me and my customers.”
In 2016, figures showed that 62%
of votes cast in Midway in the Brexit referendum were in favour of the “Leave”
position - the highest proportion in
So it is perhaps unsurprising that Mr. Standpipe’s plans drew criticism from Midway’s frothing Daily Mail-reading right-wing pensioners when we blew up the news of the ban out of all proportion.
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| Fag-ash Gargoyle: Not welcome... |
“It's not harming anyone else! I work hard not to be nannied! Ridiculous!” Sue Doenym added: “I've never smoked in my life, but I don't agree with that. Not in the garden - you could lose a lot of customers.”
Fay Kydee commented: “One of my few joys left is a cigarette and a glass of wine in a pub garden. My garden is a cheaper option anyway, but I liked helping our local businesses.”
Hugh Issie simply wrote: “Go woke, go broke.”
The pub has won support, though, with regulars Jim and Angie Smith among those backing the ban. “This is a great decision,” Angie said. “Good for Alf. I’m glad he’s ignoring the culture warriors and doing what’s best for us regulars and our pub”.
This wasn’t what we wanted to hear, so we stopped talking to Mr. and Mrs. Bloody Lefty Smith.
Despite the campaign by the right-wing local press, Mr. Standpipe is undeterred and says the support he has received - both on social media and in person - is reassuring.
“I think people are getting fed up with this ‘culture wars’ bollocks,” he said. “What with Trump getting elected President in the
“I think we'll probably gain business over it. We certainly won’t be losing any customers I don’t want to lose.”
“Weatherforks attracts all the local
shouty right-wing pensioners, the binge-drinkers and the substance abusers, so
we’re offering an alternative that seems to appeal to ordinary decent people,
despite the best efforts of the
“I think we may be the first to do it, but we won't be the last.
In the real world, it looks as if a certain local news-site’s attempt at a Daily Mail-style bit of ‘culture wars’ didn’t get the response from its usual trolls that it probably hoped for…
Comments:
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moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the
voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.
Honesty wrote:
Well done Mr Standpipe, it's terrible trying to enjoy the air,
when someone is smoking nearby.
Much more likely to visit now. Quite what the
CashnCarrie wrote:
Well done Alf happy to know we can visit and enjoy a meal
outside without having someone standing about puffing a fag all over us, hope you
and the missus both keep well. Glad you have ignored the culture warriors at
the
Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
More evidence that the word "woke" has lost
whatever meaning it used to have. The right-wing trolls will have to find
another tedious insult. I bet the
Neil Barse replied:
At last, GreyMondeoMan confesses the truth about himself before slinking away
to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious
individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the
fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory
posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Watcher posts on here.
Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
I know I can always rely on you
for tedious insults Neil.
Neil Barse replied:
A typically vindictive reply from the vindictive peddler of misinformation and
Far Left hateful anti British antagonist europhile troll greymondeoman
Great news, smokers are inherently selfish, and don't care who their second hand smoke / vape goes. Well done Alf for taking a stand against the
RaininghamTed wrote:
Good on him. Why should people have to put up with horrible
smelly smoke of any sort being blown over them? Smokers say it's a
restriction on their freedom - what about my freedom to sit outside f I want
to? Seems the
MidwaysFinest wrote:
Good luck, as we all know that the smoke blows in, & the
smell of cigarettes in the pub gardens lingers like a wet fart in a lift. I
would visit a non smoking pub for sure, especially if it pisses off the
right-wing hacks at the
Vaughanagain wrote:
I'd be more likely to visit for food in the garden in the
summer. Should ban vaping too though. I don't want to taste strawberry
shortcake either while I'm eating my curry. Why do the anti-woke brigade think
this (comments are now closed on this
article because they aren’t going the way we hoped they would – the Editor)
