Violent Scumbag Hammer Attack Yobs Make Good Troll Click-Bait...

Masked and armed teens chased a 16-year-old down Chattingham High Street, blocked his escape and then hit him with a hammer as he cowered in a shop doorway.

CCTV cameras caught the horrific moment Ed Bystander tripped and fell as he was trying to escape the gang in Grott Street, Chattingham.

Violent Chattingham yobs caught on CCTV

Jurors heard that as he lay unconscious in a shop doorway, one of them then struck him twice with a hammer.

Two of the mob who chased him on 13th March, 2020 were just 15 years old. One was brandishing the hammer, the other had a metal pole.

Five years after the attack, Beezelbub Smith and James Barklay have finally been brought before Midway Crown Court accused of grievous bodily harm.

Smith, of Attila Avenue, Chattingham, was 16 at the time, and Barklay, of Putin Place, Stroochester, was 17.

Opening the case, prosecutor Sir St. John Grebe-Streebling told the jury that Mr. Bystander and his girlfriend were walking along Grott Street, Chattingham when they were confronted by a group of youths that had previously been seen loitering outside a nearby supermarket.

Beezlebub Smith: GBH

"There was no motive or plan. Mr. Bystander was randomly attacked by a cowardly mob, purely as entertainment," said Sir St. John Grebe-Streebling.

The boy fled but was chased by Smith and Barklay who were wielding the hammer and pole respectively.

One of the other gang members was even filming the unfolding incident, "doubtless for gratification", added Sir St. John Grebe-Streebling, and aggressively gesturing "come on" as he did so.

Mr. Bystander was finally cornered in a shop doorway by the six young thugs, who punched him to the ground in front of his terrified girlfriend.

"CCTV footage shows it was then that Ed was struck by Smith twice with a hammer," said Sir St. John Grebe-Streebling

"Mr. Bystander was by now unconscious and the gang then panicked and ran away. Not one of them attempted to assist Ed as he lay there. They left him for dead."

The teenager suffered severe bruising and multiple fractures to his limbs, a broken jaw and fractured skull, along with fractures to his right arm.  After several operations the jury was told the now 19-year-old still has nerve damage and may never fully recover. Further surgery may also be required.

“It is only by the grace of God that we are not participating in a murder trial,” said Sir St. John Grebe-Streebling.

The jury were told that the victim had undergone several operations and that the now 19-year-old still has poor nerve function and may never fully recover. Further surgery may also be required.

James Barklay: "it wasn't me mate..."

Following their arrests, Smith said the attack was “just for a larf”, while Barklay said that “it wasn’ me mate it woz wun of the uvvers”.

He added, however, that on seeing the teen unconscious on the ground, he thought “blimey we’ve killed ‘im, let’s scarper.”

Sir St. John Grebe-Streebling said that the prosecution case was that “the defendants set out to cause really serious harm to a randomly selected victim and perhaps even kill, all just for fun”.

Sarah Golightly, barrister for the defence, stated that both defendants were truly sorry for their actions, despite having previous convictions for random, violent assaults.

“ADHD……abusive childhood…..deprived upbringing….drug problems…..behavioural issues……mitigating circumstances blah blah”, said Ms. Golightly, reading from a list of standard excuses.

Asked by his barrister how he felt about the incident, Smith said, “I don’t care ‘cos he ain’t me.”

“He ‘ad a pretty girlfriend an’ a nice phone an’ we were jealous, like, so I fort me an’ the lads would giv’ ‘im a kickin’, like, for bein’ a smug barsted,” before adding (at the prompt of his barrister) "er, yeah, I feel bad."

Smith and Barklay each denied causing GBH with intent as well as the alternative offence of causing GBH.

Barklay also denied violent disorder, an offence Smith had admitted.

Giving evidence, both maintained they had never intended any harm to be caused to Mr. Bystander that day, despite having weapons and beating him unconscious.

Asked why they had not helped their stricken victim as he lay unconscious in the shop doorway or sought assistance for him, Smith told the court “we fort we’d killed ‘im, so all we wanted to do was run away quick, like”

"We woz only havin’ a larf, like, y’know?” Barklay added.

Judge Maud Brobat-Bollard sentenced both Smith and Barklay to a 20-month youth rehabilitation order, a four-month tagged curfew and also ordered them to carry out 270 hours of unpaid work.

“In an ideal world I would sentence you both to ten years in prison without remission,” said the Judge.

“Unfortunately, Home Office sentencing guidelines currently prevent me from sending any violent offenders to prison because the jails are all full of Just Stop Oil protesters.”

“I fully expect to see both of you in this court again before long…”

In the real world, the trolls have decided to politicise a nasty story of psychopathic behaviour, thus illustrating their own psychoses. In amongst the usual nut-job “hang ‘em high/deport” comments is the provocative and often personal abuse used by the right-wing trolls – and all tolerated by the host in breach of its own comments guidelines. 
A mild form of stochastic terrorism…?

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Super Small Dick wrote:
Bring the Rwanda plan back but send convicts with them. It's the only feasible solution!!!!

👍+28

Auntie Nartsie wrote:
No point wasting money locking shit like them up, charge the family for bullets and a gun and shoot them ASAP

👍+123

Chad Grindr wrote:
I hope the victim can move forward in life despite his injuries and wish him all the best.
Better not say anything about the perpetrators in this latest awful crime carried out on our streets in case it upsets some deranged lefties.

👍+174

Neil Barse replied:
You are absolutely right as ever, Neil. Those deranged lefties are quite happy to let violent criminals roam the streets to support their woke agenda of positive discrimination.

👍+109

Gonads replied:
“Deranged lefties?” I presume by that you mean ‘anyone who does not share your political views’. And what you most likely want to say is the usual twisted right-wing supremacist rubbish that takes incidents like this and politicises them. You usually have no such qualms.

👎-50

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
They have to believe (or pretend to believe) certain things about moderate voices of any sort in order to justify their right wing extremism.

👎-51

Neil Barse replied:
You are correct about moderate voices Grey Mondeo Man. However you, as everyone knows, are a Far Left hateful anti British antagonistic europhile who's always jumping on the “It's all the fault of the Far Right” bandwagon, as is anyone who disagrees with us.

👍+22

Chad Grindr replied:
You are absolutely right as ever, Neil. Lol, there is nothing wrong with genuine moderate left wing opinions, because they are too civilised and can easily be shouted down and cowed into silence.
It's those who argue against us, and are therefore far-left extremists, that are the problem.

👍+15

Chad Grindr wrote:
Typical Labo*r soft sentencing guidelines. You know, the ones the Justice Secretary has condemned herself!

👍+58

Neil Barse replied:
You are absolutely right as ever, Chad. These deranged lefties are quite happy to let violent criminals roam the streets to support their woke agenda of positive discrimination.

👍+109

Tornado Watcher replied:
The Sentencing Guidelines are created independently from government - you know, how a free society is supposed to operate. The new Labo*r government has expressed displeasure at them, but they do not directly control them.
To suggest otherwise is disingenuous.

👎-8

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
The guidelines considered under the Tories and agreed by the previous Conservative government?

👎-26

Chad Grindr replied:
They are currently being implemented by Labo*r. The Tories are not in government and so it is obvious that everything must now be the fault of Labo*r, but nice desperate attempt at whataboutery.
Please stick to facts and telling the truth rather than clinging onto whataboutery about other political parties not even in government all the time.
Thank you.

👍+19

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
You seem to be dismissing 14 years of the disastrous former Tory administration as “all Labo*r’s fault”, and then accuse me of “whataboutery” when I suggest that there are such things as legacy issues. A curious way to express yourself.

👎-12

Chad Grindr replied:
You mean expressing myself by daring to say the truth.
Yes, that certainly seems to upset deranged lefties.

👍+26

Neil Barse replied:
"A curious way to express yourself.”
That’s funny, coming from you, Grey Mondeo Man. lol

👍+23

Chad Grindr replied:
Very true Neil, but please don't disturb Grey Mondeo Man at the moment. He is very busy down voting any comments that upset him ;-)

👍+22

Gonads replied:
Either Chad and Neil are indulging in a sweet bromance or (more likely) it’s just one right-wing troll with at least two fake IDs…

👎-78

Chad Barse replied:
At last, Gonads confesses the truth about himself before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Gonads posts on here.

👍+102

Auntie Nartsie wrote:
We shouldn’t bother with the expense of trials. The vile cretins in this armed gang should just be put in the stocks or better still - used for euthanasia trials! These sick gang members mentality is ruining our society, their fragrant disregard for the law is clear & they should be locked away for life - never to see the light of day again if I had my way!

👍+206

Neil Barse replied:
Oh no, we can't possibly do that. Far better to keep the deranged lefties happy and treat them with kid gloves, a gentle slap on the wrist will suffice and then spend thousands upon thousands on rehab and psychological support to turn their life of criminality around. Bless their cotton socks, their parents must be oh so proud of their little darlings.

👍+40

Victor Laudanum replied:
Personally, I think their disregard for the law stinks.

👍+57

Gonads replied:
That reply is wasted on most of the trolls on here. “Fragrant disregard” – lol. And as for due process and the Rule of Law – that’s just deranged leftie thinking!

👍+2

Priceless87 wrote:
We don’t need woke lefty courts and criminal justice!!! Those thugs were all guilty and shouldn't see day light again! They are the worst of the worst and should have all be found guilty of attempted murder. They have been dragged up with no morals, their family's should be ashamed and their parents have birthed such demons but looking at their actions! They're probably just as bad and should be jailed as well!

👍+254

Auntie Nartsie wrote:
Why are they being locked up here at OUR expense... send them back... OR somewhere as far away as possible.

👍+179

Tornado Watcher replied:
 “Send them back”? Back where? Why?

👎-54

Auntie Nartsie replied:
Who in ENGLAND cares where these forren illegal immigrant criminals end up... as long as it is as far away as possible... and not reaping the benefits of the high life at our expense...
I really couldn't give a flying 'fudge'
This country needs to grow a pair... and any doo-gooders that want to support them can be sent with them... good riddance.

👍+75

Tornado Watcher replied:
Where in the report does it say that the defendants were “forren illegal immigrant criminals”?  With surnames like “Smith” and “Barklay” they don’t sound like “forren illegal immigrant criminals” to me. Or are you suggesting that all crimes are committed by “forren illegal immigrants”?

👎-98

Chad Grindr replied:
Yet another deranged leftie. Probably a fake ID used by the same person behind Grey Mondeo Man or Gonads or Victor Laudanum?

👍+67

Neil Barse replied:
You are absolutely right as ever, Neil. These deranged lefties are so desperate they need to have multiple IDs to try and get their views across and monopolise the agenda.

👎+80

Tornado Watcher replied:
Chad/Neil: you seem to have got your multiple IDs mixed up in your last reply…

👍-197

Neil Grindr replied:
At last, Tornado Watcher confesses the truth about himself before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Watcher posts on here.

👎+102

Notasoviet Resident wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in next elections because all other political England parties will introduce anti-democratic police state dictatorships unlike truly free Russia as run by champion of democratic freedoms dear Mr. Putin and his Russian oligarch friends whose money is good for UK.

👍+18

Wonderful Weatherforks Boozers Bring Springtime Cheer…

It’s been a few days since we last ran an advertorial for our favourite pub mega-chain, the utterly brilliant Weatherforks boozers.

And sure enough the Weatherforks boss, Brexit hero Sir Martin Timm, rang our editor up to demand that we run a plug for his 12-day beer festival, featuring right-wing-themed brews from all over the world.

Weatherforks boss Sir Martin Timm.

Weatherforks’ boss, Brexit hero Sir Martin Timm said: “The festival is a great celebration of right-wing real ale.”

“It will allow us to showcase a selection of superb short-dated value-for-money beers, including those from brewers as far afield as America and Australia, as well as those closer to home. The festival features several brewers who support far-right political parties, with many of the beers having been brewed, or the brewing assisted, by right-wing populists,” said Sir Timm.

“The event will pander to our usual clientele of shouty fascist pensioners, benefit scroungers and other assorted yobbos, giving them the opportunity to binge-drink strong cheap beers which have not previously been available in our boozers, as well as those brewed especially for the festival.”

And a new beer now on sale across the UK as part of wonderful Weatherforks Spring Beer Festival has been specially created in Kent, just for the occasion!

The refreshing golden pale ale has been brewed by property developer and part-time brewer Nepo Scheame, from its brewery based at its Chattingham headquarters.

“It’s called Symond’s Throat-Warmer, a beer which offers a fruity, nutty experience and a good head,” says Sir Timm. “That’s what my good friend Boris says anyway. So I hope everyone enjoys it!...”

The Spring Beer Festival will see all eight of the chain’s brilliant Midway boozers welcome pints from Australia, Germany, Italy, France and the USA.

The international beers will all be served for the first time at the festival, which runs from Wednesday, March 5 to Sunday, March 16.

These beers include Don’t Know Vote No from Dutton’s Creek in Australia, Parti Populaire from Bernier in Canada, El Duce from Meroni in Italy, Blut Und Boden from Lebensraum in Germany and Roman Salute from Musk in the USA.

“The selection of 30 real ales doesn’t include ‘vegan’ or ‘non-alcoholic’ options as this is a proper right-wing beer festival,” said Sir Timms. “So don’t ask for any woke rubbish like that as a punch in the face often offends you leftie types.”

Weatherforks boozer The Rees-Moggs Head

The price of a festival pint in the wonderful Weatherspoons in Midway will start at £1.99.

The full festival line-up features British beers from the Brexit Fantasy Brewery in Henley, Badenoch's Trouble Brewing in Grantham, Wee  Krankie Sturgeon’s Brewery in Scotland, Mad Nad’s Brewery in Bedfordshire, Jenrick’s Backhander Brewery Company in Newark and Chattingham’s Nepo Scheame Brewery.

Customers can pick up tasting notes on all of the beers from inside any brilliant Weatherforks boozer, with pictorial instructions showing how to use a beer glass for the benefit of the usual customers.

The notes will be available as part of the festival magazine and can be downloaded online or via the Weatherforks app. 

More gushing “swoon over ‘spoons” advertorials masquerading as ‘news’ in the real world… 

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Chad Grindr wrote:
It is always amusing how the self-entitled dribbling left-wing loons start frothing at the mouth and looking down their snooty noses when ever somebody mentions Weatherforks. They are what they are, with no frills. They are not pretentious or do they pretend to be anything else than a cheap watering hole for all, including mainly old working-class fascists and those that are not inserted up their own behinds :-)

👍+78

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
The real reason that people with your political views pretend to like Weatherforks pubs is that the owner is a right-wing millionaire who was a huge supporter of your precious Brexit. I very much doubt if you or any of your other right-wing chums on here actually use them regularly, purely on the basis that you appear to know how to read and write.

👎-28

Chad Grindr replied:
Will you just STOP SHOUTING YOU DRIVELLING LEFTIST LOON!!!

👍+109

Victor Laudanum wrote:
Weatherforks bulk-buys short-dated beer from breweries at bargain basement prices. It’s stuff they would otherwise be pouring down the drains in a week or two. You’re welcome to pay £1.99 a pint for it. I’d rather pay five quid and get a decent pint that won’t give me the squits later on.

👎-45

Chad Grindr replied:
Oh, the old “short-dated beer” chestnut, doubtless put out by some UK-business-hating lefty to try and drag down the Weatherforks chain and its far-sighted entrepreneurial owner whom the green-eyed remoaners hate so much. I know you woke socialist bed-wetters don’t like facts, but here’s the proof that shows up your leftist lies for what they are:
https://www.proactiveinvestors.co.uk/companies/news/1049385/does-spoons-buy-nearly-out-of-date-beer-1049385.html

👍+142

Victor Laudanum replied:
Thanks for the link, Chad. I was expecting to maybe see some details of invoices and quality certs, but instead your “proof” just consists of the pub chain owner simply asserting that he doesn’t buy short-dated beer.
So that’s all right then.
I mean, we all know Brexiters always tell the truth, don’t we?

👎-31

Neil Barse replied:
Typical lies and whataboutery from a bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser. I think you far-left socialists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. And what about Labo*r’s plans to tax all Weatherforks pubs out of existence to punish the owner for not being a woke, bed-wetting leftie, eh? Eh? That’s a plan that I’m sure you woke, hate-filled far-left St*rmer worshippers would approve of.

👎👎👎👎+1024

Victor Laudanum replied:
So I ask for a better standard of proof than “because I said so” and I get a tirade of demented abuse? Par for the course on here, I suppose. And as for the “Labo*r plans” you refer to, I presume you are able to provide some evidence of these. I’m sure they’d be headline news, after all. Or do they only exist in your head?

👎-78

Neil Barse replied:
Your constant sealioning is a typical tactic of a hard-left, bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser. You are provided with facts and you choose to ignore them because they demonstrate to the world that your opinions are those of a hate-filled, ultra-far-left socialist bed-wetter. In making ever more strident demands for information, you merely show your mental illness by constantly coming out with lies and whataboutery.

👍👍+425

Victor Laudanum replied:
Once again, you confuse unsubstantiated assertions for facts, then accuse me of “sealioning” when I question their authenticity. But I’ll leave it at that. I can see you are getting angry. Again.

👎-45

Chad Grindr replied:
Talking of unsubstantiated assertions, Victor, what is the source of your assertion that “Weatherforks bulk-buys short-dated beer”?

👍+89

Victor Laudanum replied:
Oh, some bloke I heard talking down the pub.
That should be good enough for a right-winger like you, shouldn’t it?
Of course, the real reason ‘Forks can sell cheap beer is their buying power and sales volumes. But I’d thought I’d pull you and your rightie chums’ chains.
And it worked!

👍+23

Neil Barse replied:
Chad – this is why you should not waste your effort trying to engage leftist idiots like VL in rational debate. They deserve only insults, random distraction issues, whataboutery and gaslighting. This involves no rational thought whatsoever, which should not be wasted on demented leftists who disagree with us. This will ensure that wishy-washy, woke snowflakes will be driven away, meaning that WE WIN all of the time.

👍+2

SuperSmallDick wrote:
My local Tory councillor told me that Labo*r is going to increase duty on all alcoholic drinks by 3000% to fund benefits for illegal immigrants in boats. Meanwhile, millions of English pensioners are freezing to death thanks to the removal of the WFP and thousands of farmers are living on the streets because they have been made homeless by Labour’s IHT changes. Four more years of Starmer’s communist dictatorship, then I can vote REFORM.

👍+25

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
I’m currently sitting in a sunny pub garden wearing a t-shirt. It’s a balmy 18°C.
So who and where are all these “millions of English pensioners” who “are freezing to death”?
Have ANY UK pensioners actually frozen to death this winter?  I can’t recall the Daily Mail/Express/Telegraph naming any. You’d think it would be the sort of thing they would be screeching to high heaven about, after all.
Or could it all be a load of hyperbolic right-wing invective about a Labo*r budget as usual?

👍+9

Neil Barse replied:
Yet more tedious insults, lies, sealioning and disinformation from Grey Mondeo Man. I think you leftists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍+591

Notasoviet Resident wrote:
Comrades Labo*r used lies and disinformation to trick their way into power and have been attacking UK population ever since by doing things they had promised not to I cannot think of any other government in world which has passed legislation which they know will kill most vulnerable people in society like pensioners who will die if they withdrew the Winter Fuel Allowance now they are attacking poor millionaire farmers and billionaire rentier landowners like my wealthy friends from beloved Russia. Who will be next? The rest of the world is looking on with horror as political opponents and journalists in UK are thrown in jail for social media posts and journalists are threatened by St*rmer and bully boys of his regime what UK needs is fairness and freedom of true democracy as offered in homeland by dear Mr. Putin and his patriotic rich oligarch friends rather than gangster regime of Ke*r St*rmer. UK is becoming known for totalitarian gangster politics and it is not a good look so vote REFORM at next elections for true democratic freedom.

👍+18

  

Nude Women In Chattingham Animal Rights Protest

Sunday shopping on Chattingham High Street was enlivened today when a group of a dozen or so animal rights protesters stood outside the Aldi supermarket, encouraging people to boycott diary products.

Leftie woke animal rights protestors - rather rude...

“Cruelty is an inherent part of diary farming,” said Rosie Stropp (23). “We’d like people to consider buying vegan alternatives to milk, rather than support immoral and ecologically damaging farming practices.”

The protest, although peaceful, seemed to attract little interest from Aldi customers.

“I don’t mind people protesting or handing out leaflets,” said one bystander. “I just wish they weren’t so bloody rude.”

“I just popped out to get some milk for my Sunday morning cornflakes. I don’t really need some demented, angry woman calling me an animal torturer.”

“There are a lot more important issues for people to get rude and angry about, rather than how our milk is produced.”

The protesters even borrowed a farmer’s tractor to use as a platform for their protest.

“That’s just to make the police think we’re farmers,” said one of them.

“Farmers can do what they like when it comes to protesting. They never get prosecuted for anything, no matter how much mayhem and inconvenience they cause, because they are rich and well-connected.”

Supt. Grabber: "Rude"

“Any other group is looking at five-year prison sentences for even thinking about a public protest.”

Police did eventually break up the protest at around mid-day, following complaints from members of the public about the rudeness of some of the protesters.

“One or two of the ladies got a bit carried away,” said Midway police superintendent Mike Grabber. “That was after we tazered them. There was no need for the language they were using.”

“It was just rude and we can’t be having with that.”

Correction:

The headline for the article should have read “Rude Women In Chattingham Animal Rights Protest”, not “Nude Women”.

However, we were delighted with the number of page views it got, so we didn’t correct it.

We apologise for any disappointment amongst our pervy readership.

Given our adverts showing women in their skimpies always generate clicks, we might try and have a few more suggestive mis-prints that can con our saddo readers into looking at.

 

In the real world, there’s a similarly pathetic attempt to sex up an otherwise boring story just to get the page views. And it worked – an anodyne space-filler gets to be one of the ‘most commented on’ this week. In case you haven’t seen it – SPOILER ALERT - the protesters were NOT “topless”. That was also a mis-print. They were “hopeless”….

 

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Chad Grindr wrote:
A terrifying example of two-tier justice under two-tier free gear St*rmer and his henchmen in the judiciary. Left-wing violence is endemic in this country and nothing is being done to stop it. These woke lefty women have a history of ultra far-left violence i.e. their vicious handing out of leaflets, their intimating placard-waving and their savage and brutal slogan-chanting. And yet when true patriots look to speak out and defend the UK’s democracy with a little harmless arson, looting and stone-throwing, the full weight of law is brought down upon them. It is time the far-left in this country was held to account, yet Herr St*rmer and his Stazi are giving their storm-troopers a free rein it seems, with any opposition being brutally crushed or censored.

👍+712

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
It is difficult to know where to start with your latest batch of lies, exaggerations and (this comment has been cut because it does not meet our community standards – the Editor)

👎👎👎👎-584

Yu Rong replied:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums

👍+97

Chad Grindr replied:
I fully expect GMM to support all acts of ultra-right wing violence, as his never-ending stream of shouty abuse, threats, gas-lighting and disinformation on here demonstrates. A typical SHOUTY LEFTIST LOON WHO SHOULD BE SHOT AND THEN DEPORTED BACK TO MOTHER RUSSIA!!!

👍+212

Tornado Watcher replied:
So anyone who disagrees with you must be silenced, yes? Free speech is a one-way street for you right-wingers, isn’t it? For once (this comment has been cut as it does not agree with our editorial policy – Ed.).

👎👎👎-398

Neil Barse replied:
At last Tornado Watcher confesses the truth about themselves before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Watcher posts on here. As usual, I win the argument by my relentlessly logical and calm, reasoned, factual responses, unlike the hate-filled rants of far-leftist Guardian-reading pillocks like Tornado Watcher.

👍👍👍+672

Tornado Watcher replied:
You and your fellow right-wing commentators here seldom offer anything but abuse when the arguments go against you. THAT is the most depressing thing about this forum.

👎👎👎👎-412

Neil Barse replied:
Typical lies and whataboutery from a bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser. I think you leftists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. And what about Labo*r’s secret plans to imprison all opponents in internment camps eh? Eh? That’s a plan that I’m sure you cretinous, unwashed far-left UK haters would approve of.

👍👍👍👍👍👍+1024

Boring Welsh Tory wrote:
The thing about dairy farming is that it was the first type of farming practiced in the British Isles from about 6000BC and this has recently been confirmed with remains of bovine lactose (beta-lactoglobulin) having been identified in earthenware pots, probably a type of yogurt. Elsewhere in the world the practice of keeping goats for milk dates back tens of thousands of years.
The thing about cows is that they have four teats yet only give birth to one calf, one per year. They have evolved this way as a herd animal. If the mother looses the calf she can adopt and feed other calves in the herd, and the lactation cycle is elongated. The more milk taken the more milk produced. A natural process.
The thing is, I know all this because I looked it up on Google to make myself seem more interesting and intelligent than anyone else who posts here.
Of course, I avoid supermarket milk because it contains nano-transmitters put there by Bill Gates so that our thoughts can be controlled by his masters, the alien lizard people. The thing is, I only drink distilled tap water from the still I have set up in my Mum’s attic in Wales where I can hide from the iguanas from outer space who have quietly taken over the planet.

👍+1

Gonads wrote:
The thing is, you really are a boring know-it-all taffy bastard. Cows might have four tits but none of them will be bigger than you. Get a life.

👍👍👍👍👍👍+1561

SuperSmallDick wrote:
My local Tory councillor told me that Labo*r are planning to force everyone to become vegan by banning all meat and dairy products. Meanwhile, another 800,000 Albanian shoplifters crossed the channel in small boats last week and are being housed in luxury hotels while all of our pensioners freeze to death and our farmers are reduced to living in tents as a result of being evicted from their land because they cannot afford to pay their IHT bills. Four more years of St*rmer’s communist dictatorship, then I can vote REFORM.

👍+21

Notasoviet Resident wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in next elections because all other political England parties will introduce anti-democratic police state dictatorships unlike truly free Russia as run by champion of democratic freedoms dear Mr. Putin and his Russian oligarch friends whose money is good for UK.

👍+18

  

Right-Wing Nut-Job Posts Made-Up Rubbish On Internet But We Report It Anyway

Simon Goebbels

By Our Local Demagoguery Reporter
Simon Goebbels

A budget hotel chain has been forced to issue a denial that two of its Midway premises are being used to house asylum seekers, after the MORON drew attention to an obscure far-right web-site that claimed otherwise.

 “Patriotic Activist” – real name Shaun O’Braincell – styles himself as an “independent patriotic journalist”. His obscure website publishes a steady stream of completely made-up far-right drivel, including maps showing sites supposedly being used to accommodate immigrants.

Among those he claims are being used for this purpose are the Championship Inns in Grott Street, Chattingham, and Gove Way, Stroochester.

However, a spokesperson for Championship Inns said there is “no truth to this one whatsoever”, adding: “Championship Inns do not accept this type of contract business.”

“Our hotels are entirely unsuitable for these types of contracts because they are timber-framed buildings. They tend to catch light when far-right arsonists, fuelled by misinformation spread by irresponsible news sites, decide to attack them.”

Mr. O’Braincell has convictions for being a generally obnoxious twerp, including a 2024 caution for participating in an anti-migrant protest in Chattingham in which he filmed himself hurling abuse at police outside a local restaurant.

Bunty Hopper: Tedious woke leftie...

Bunty Hopper, a tedious woke leftie at anti-right wing organisation Stop The Bigots, said: “Stop The Bigots has been tracking the activity of so-called ‘news sites’ like The MORON for years.”

“Their modus operandi is to take an obvious bunch of right-wing lies, then give them wide publicity and credibility by means of a completely unnecessary non-story, all in the name of  'free speech'.”

“We have repeatedly raised concerns that this kind of click-bait journalism can increase the likelihood of serious anti-migrant incidents.”

“Outlets like the MORON know that any story about asylum seekers will always generate the ‘clicks’ they need for their advertising revenue, even if it is a made-up load of old bollocks”.

“If the gullible and the hard-of-thinking are told regularly by local and national media that UK citizens and their towns are ‘under threat’ from those in asylum accommodation, then it is inevitable that some will take matters into their own hands.”

Since about 2020, there has been a significant increase in the use of hotels by the government to house asylum seekers who enter the UK illegally.

In March 2024, under the previous Conservative government, it was revealed the cost of housing asylum seekers in hotels was £8 million per day.

Shaun O'Braincell; "Patriotic Activist"...

These are the sort of facts the MORON likes to repeat whenever we get the excuse, just to stir up the right-wing trolls who populate our comments section and help to get the page views up.

“Fanks for der publicity”, said “Patriotic Activist” a.k.a. Mr. O’Braincell, when contacted for comment by the MORON.

“No-one woz lookin’ at my website until the MORON told everyone abaht it. Now I’m gettin’ loads of views. I even had that Elon Musk givvin' me a ‘thumbs up’ the uvver day!”

“I fink the MORON is brilliant!”

One really does wonder quite what purpose a complete non-story like this actually serves. Is it stopping the spread of misinformation or just promoting it?

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Phil TheMentallyIll wrote:
Of course the hotel chain would deny housing illegal immigrants! It's a nice little earner - all paid for by UK tax-payers of course!!! I bet the hotel chain is giving St*rmer and his chums loads of freebies in exchange for this business. The imposition of VAT on private school fees, the removal of the universal Winter Fuel Payment, the imposition of inheritance tax on farmland and K*ir St*rmer’s freebie spectacles are all directly responsible for the tidal wave of illegal immigrants now entering the UK. All those who voted Labo*r at the last election should hang their heads in shame.

👍+132

Chad Grindr wrote:
The only ones celebrating life under this disastrous government are the slum hotel chain managers milking millions of pounds of UK taxpayers money to house the millions of so-called asylum seekers let in since Labo*r came to power and who are currently sitting in warm hotels while all of our pensioners freeze to death and our farmers are reduced to living in tents as a result of being evicted from their land because they cannot afford to pay their IHT bills.

👍+218

Yu Rong replied:
You are completely correct Chad. The housing shortage and the massive rise in crime such as shoplifting is entirely due to K*ir St*rmer’s disastrous decision to scrap the Rwanda deportation scheme, which saw tens of thousands of illegal immigrants sent back to where the come from and good riddance too!

👍+546

Tornado Watcher replied:
You are just making numbers up as usual, Yu Rong. The Rwanda plan cost £700 million. Under it, a total of four asylum seekers went to Rwanda. All voluntarily. The “plan” was just an expensive exercise in performative cruelty for the benefit of the UK’s right-wing press and its brain-dead Tory/REFORM readership. It was never going to work.

👎👎👎-1309

Neil Barse replied:
Typical lies and whataboutery from a bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser. I think you far-left socialists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. And what about Lab*ur’s plan to evict pensioners from their homes in order to house families of illegal immigrants eh? Eh? That’s a plan that I’m sure you woke, hate-filled far-left St*rmer worshippers would approve of.

👍👍👍👍+1024

Tornado Watcher replied:
Those plans sound incredible Neil. I am amazed the Daily Mail/Telegraph/Express haven’t splashed them across their front pages. I’m sure you can enlighten us by showing us where you read about them. Unless, of course, they just exist in your head.

👎👎👎👎-901

Neil Barse replied:
Once again you resort to sealioning. Yet I asked you twice to answer a question put to you about issues completely unrelated to the topic under discussion and on both occasions at the time you refused to answer, but accused myself of Sealioning you in an attempt to squirm out of answering. No different to any questions asked of you by any on here, you refuse to answer any in the fear of exposing yourself as the fraudulent individual you are.
What's even more comical is telling others that you no longer converse with those who also expose you for spreading misinformation, manipulation of facts and blatant lies. You act like a petulant schoolgirl in that respect. As a matter of interest, why do you never contradict Grey Mondeo Man or point out their content Sealioning, or is it a fact you are one and the same.

👍👍+801

Tornado Watcher replied:
Like most people, I have no idea what you are on about. You reduce any attempt at rational discussion down to insult-laden distraction issues and whataboutery. No wonder the MORON comments section is regarded as a joke.

👎👎👎👎 -904

Yu Rong replied:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums.

👍+83

Neil Barse replied:
Once again Tornado Watcher, you fail to understand that this forum is not about rational debate, it is about WINNING. And our combination of insults, random distraction issues, whataboutery and gaslighting drive any rational observers away, meaning that WE WIN all of the time. You can never win because you are a sad lazy parasitic far-leftist idiot and are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍👍+1024

SuperSmallDick wrote:
My local Tory councillor told me that R*chel Re*ves is planning to abolish old age pensions so they can afford to pay benefits to the millions of boat people who arrive in our shores every week. Meanwhile, millions of English pensioners are freezing to death thanks to the removal of the WFP and thousands of farmers are living on the streets because they have been made homeless by Lab*ur’s IHT changes. Four more years of St*rmer’s communist dictatorship, then I can vote REFORM.

👍+198

Chad Grindr wrote:
Ecological vandalism on a massive scale as a result of unsustainable levels of mass immigration that this Labo*r government is solely to blame for. Labo*r may not have told the electorate about withdrawing winter fuel allowance for many pensioners, changes to the IHT rules, increasing student tuition fees and taxes for working people plus letting criminals out of the prisons early etc but they did say that they would ignore local concerns and build on the precious green belt.
Wake up quick people, because once this land where we grow some of our food and all the wildlife it supports is gone, it is almost certainly gone forever!

👍+198

Auntie Nartsie wrote:
All illegal immigrants should have corks glued up their bums so they can’t poo in our rivers. That would solve our water pollution problems overnight. Vote for Gargoyle and his Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs Party UK PLC™©® for corks up all immigrants bums!!!

👍👍👍👍👍+1324

Ed 2468motorway replied:
Don’t you think that exploding asylum seekers may be more of an issue than “poo”?

                                                                                                                     👎👎👎👎-901

Neil Barse replied:
Yet more tedious insults, lies and sealioning from Ed 2468. I think you leftists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. And what about Labo*r’s plans to force all people in care homes to work in chain gangs to repair potholes in roads as a condition of getting the help they need, eh? Eh? That’s a plan that I’m sure you vicious far-left haters would approve of.

👍+254

Chad Grinder replied:
I totally agree Neil. These far-left socialists are complete idiots and should not be allowed to clutter up the comments section with their increasingly boring, repetitive and fact-free assertions and insults.

👍+345

Yu Rong replied:
I totally agree Chad. Ed 2468 really is just a far-left troll, whose continuous stream of gibberish, insults and pointless questions is just designed to clutter up this forum and stop any sensible discussion of the issues raised by this story of Labo*r incompetence and corruption.

👍+298

Super Small Dick wrote:
Labo*r have been in for nearly six months now and everything is still shite just like it was under the last government of Blair and Brown. In that time, millions of illegal immigrants have crossed the channel in small boats and are being kept in luxury hotels while millions of pensioners freeze to death and homeless farmers are sleeping on the streets after being kicked off their land because they can’t afford to pay their inheritance tax. Vote REFORM UK PARTY PLC.

👍+134

SuperSmallDick wrote:
My local Tory councillor told me that Labo*r are planning to make assisted dying compulsory for anyone over 80 so they can free up the NHS budget to give more benefits to illegal immigrants. Meanwhile, another 800,000 Albanian shoplifters crossed the channel in small boats last week and are being housed in luxury hotels while all of our pensioners freeze to death and our farmers are reduced to living in tents as a result of being evicted from their land because they cannot afford to pay their IHT bills. Four more years of Starmer’s communist dictatorship, then I can vote REFORM.

👍+213

Notasoviet Resident wrote:
Comrades this is political decision by Labo*r they are removing taxpayer money from social care budgets and spending it on illegal immigrants, giving it to evil Nazi regime in Ukraine so that they can continue to fight war against democracy of dear Mr. Putin and to overseas climate scams. This all deliberate and designed to punish people of your country who Labo*r have declared war on after tricking them into electing them on a platform of lies and disinformation and vast majority of UK people now realise they have no political party representing them as proved by latest petition any more except for REFORM which dear Mr. Putin and his rich friends says everyone in UK must vote for in next UK election to bring back true democratic freedoms like we have in Russia.

👍+18

All Mixed Up: Our Correspondent Visits Dipsy's Mixey Rabbit Cocktail Bar In Chattingham

My editor has been nagging me to actually write something about Midway’s cocktail bars (Huh! Typical man!) ever since the MORON had gone to the trouble of hyping up my “All Mixed Up” column a few weeks ago.  

So I got together with my bestest mates Chantelle and Chardonnay and twisted my boyfriend’s reluctant arm (typical man!) to drop us off at Dipsy’s Mixey Rabbit, a little-known and rather bizarre Teletubbies-themed venue in the heart of the buzzing Friday night scene of Chattingham’s Grott Street.

Stock photo of cocktail bar...

My mission was to review not only the cocktails on offer, but also to examine the entire “Dipsy’s Mixey Rabbit experience” from a female perspective. All too often, cocktail bars seem designed solely for a male gaze, the drinks boasting boozy gravitas over nuanced flavour, the atmosphere prioritising loud machismo over comfortable conversation. I was here to see if Dipsy’s Mixey Rabbit broke the mold, offering a space where a woman, whether on a solo adventure or a night out with friends, could feel both seen and appreciated, not just another pretty face ordering a sugary concoction.

That’s just a load of AI-generated bollocks, of course.

Photo of some cocktails...

I was actually just out on a company-sponsored lash with a couple of girly mates, but hey, whatever…

The drinks menu offered a weird and wonderful selection of extremely expensive drinks. We started with a round of Badenoch’s Blusterers, a concoction consisting of rye, maple syrup, Peychaud’s bitters (any ideas?) and ambergris (me neither). They tasted of fish and were rather unpleasant, but as the drinks were very large and very free (a chum of the editor’s owns the joint and was happy to subsidise our alcoholic adventures given the guarantee of a good review) we weren’t complaining.

Next up was a round of Jenrick’s Palmgreasers, an extremely rich, extremely strange and very alcoholic mix of tequila, dark rum, chorizo, vegetable juice, port, pepper and cider vinegar, all liquidised together and topped off with a strip of jerk chicken. It certainly saved us ordering anything from the range of available bar food, but once we’d finished the drinks we weren’t really in the mood to eat anything anyway.

By now, the dance floor was packed with people. We got caught up in the energy, swaying to the music and even attempted a few questionable dance moves. My mate Chantelle even made a new friend, a hunky-looking guy named Ben who was surprisingly good at air guitar.

After a while my heels were starting to hurt, but my laughter was only getting louder. Chantelle was having a good time with her new friend Ben, so me and Chardonnay ordered a couple of Truss’s Tapeworms, an utterly psychedelic blend of vodka, gin, tabasco, pepper and absinthe, with a squirt of mayonnaise that looked like (you’ve guessed it) a tapeworm floating in an alcoholic miasma - and garnished with a lettuce, complete with googly eyes...

I think the mayonnaise must have had a maudlin effect on poor Chardonnay, who began getting tearful about her beau of three years, Steve, forgetting her birthday last week. 

Huh! Typical man!

Another photo of some cocktails...

By now, Chantelle had disappeared with her new friend, so I was left to console the increasingly lachrymose Chardonnay with a round of Mexican-sounding Los Cojones Del Tipo Duro De Boris’s. What the name means I don’t know but they were the most expensive drinks on the list, consisting of (so the menu said) white rum, tequila, mint leaves, soda, lime juice, chocolate and liquidised bull’s testicles.

Things became a little indistinct after that. I vaguely remember Chantelle’s boyfriend turning up to collect her and getting quite emotional when we told him she’d gone off with someone else. 

Huh! Typical man!

The next thing I knew, I was back in my own flat and it was ten in the morning. My rather grumpy partner said that Chardonnay had not been too well on the journey home, with the chocolate from her last drink making a spectacular reappearance in his car.

"...show me the way to go 'ome..."

Thank God for the leather seats.

I also couldn’t work out why I was wearing my boyfriend’s pyjamas. Later, when the room had stopped spinning around, he explained that I also had suffered a biological disorder on the journey home, with last night’s outfit being consigned to a bin-bag after he had hosed me down in the shower, dried me off and put me to bed.

Huh! Typical man!

Now, back at our flat, I'm still feeling a little bit tipsy, but mostly just content. That was a perfect night to let loose, laugh, and just be with my friends. I think I might even need a 'recovery weekend', but it was worth it.

So here’s how I rate Dipsy’s Mixey Rabbit:

Décor: Can’t remember much about it. Probably OK. ****

Drinks: Difficult to say, to be honest. They must have been pretty good as I can’t remember a thing about them. They certainly opened the sluices at both ends, according to my boyfriend (Huh! Typical man!). Good job their menu is on the Internet so I was able to look up the drinks I had. *****

Price: Ludicrously expensive, like all swanky cocktails. Thank God we were on freebies all night courtesy of the MORON!*****

Staff: Friendly, attentive and happy to banter, even when we got totally pissed *****

Best for: Picking up fellas (so says my mate Chantelle!) and getting paralytic***** 

Interestingly, the real-world new column seems to have generated virtually no interest comment-wise, and its title had been dropped from the “What’s On” menu. I foresee this rather bland (and largely AI-composed?) feature being somewhat short-lived.

What was a lot more interesting was seeing an ad for an event fronted by the ultra-right-wing thicko’s favourite smart person, Dr. Jordon Peterson, popping up in this self-proclaimed “female perspective” piece. I see it got taken down pretty quickly.

Flogging Dr. Peterson’s weirdo brand of misogyny and right-wing rich-person’s free speech principles (i.e. ‘criticise me and I’ll sue…’) seems a rather extreme choice of advert, but then I guess the algorithm that chooses these things has simply identified its host as appealing to well-off REFORM-voting pensioners and advertises accordingly.

Which seems pretty accurate to me...

 

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.