Midway Braced For Freezing Blizzard Storm Disaster Conditions. Again.

Met Office warning; freezing killer ice-age hell this weekend....

Midway is bracing itself for freezing Arctic conditions after the Med Office hinted that "it might be a bit chilly" over the coming weekend.

Gargoyle: "Killer winter..."

Temperatures are set to plummet to a freezing hell of -3° overnight, as Midway MP for Claptout-On-Sea Niglet the gargoyle warned that tens of thousands of Midway pensioners could be at risk of freezing to death.

"Thanks to the withdrawal of the Winter Fuel Allowance by this wicked Labo*r government and its evil Labo*r chancellor R*chel Re*ves, millions of UK pensioners are likely to die of hypothermia," it frothed.

"Now that the country is faced with the unprecedented threat of cold weather in winter, I call upon Keir Starmer to accept the will of the people and resign immediately."

"Then we can hold a general election, so that the people can choose a thoughtful, caring government, i.e. one dominated by my Really Extreme Far-Out Right-wing Maniacs Party UK PLC^©™®."

Snow: will be abolished by the gargoyle...

"As Prime Minister, I promise to abolish winter, along with lots of other things that I know are impossible to deliver. But then people voted for the promises of "Sunlit Uplands" for Brexit, so I know I can get away with spouting any old nonsense, just so long as it keeps me and my Really Extreme Far-Out Right-wing Maniacs Party UK PLC^©™® in the public eye..." 

Midway Council has announced that its refuse and recycling collection is currently under review, although that has nothing to do with the weather.

Midway Police are advising motorists to only travel if necessary if it does actually snow, as any snowfall could turn to ice, making driving conditions in many parts hazardous.

Chief Inspector Mike Grabber, head of Midway Police's roads policing unit, said: "Driving in snow and on icy roads is very difficult, even for experienced drivers.”

"Tyres can lose traction when the road surface is wet or icy, which can result in skidding and a loss of control of the vehicle.”

Killer blizzard terror...maybe...

"Drivers need to ask themselves whether their journey is necessary if there is very heavy snowfall. If motorists do have to travel they should take a fully charged mobile phone, food, water and warm clothes with them in case they get stranded, quick recovery cannot be guaranteed in periods of severe weather."

“However, as there’s virtually no risk of any snow in the next few days, we suggest people stop worrying about scare stories in stupid Tory news sites…” 

No schools or nurseries in Midway are closed, despite the vanishingly small risk of bad weather.

A spokesman for Tesco said, “there’s no need whatsoever to panic buy. There’s no imminent threat of bad weather in the next couple of weeks, despite a certain local news-site trying to drum up panic to boost its “clicks”.”

ex-MP Kylie Trollhouse: Blame Labo*r

Former Stroochester MP Kylie Trollhouse was quick to point out that the threat of bad weather is undoubtedly the fault of Midway’s Labo*r council and K*ir St*rmer.

“I was a Tory MP for ten years and during that time it hardly ever snowed. Now we already have a weather warning saying that Midway is about to be transformed into a freezing socialist-style hell not seen since the last Ice Age.”

“This can only be the fault of Midway’s Labo*r council and K*ir’s St*rmer’s incompetence.”

“People of Midway need to sign a recall petition to get rid of our totally useless Labo*r MP Skippi Myrtle after her vicious racist rant on Twitter, which is surely a serious criminal offence under Two-Tier K*ir’s war on hate tweets.”

“Then they can vote me back in again. Pleeeeeeeeeaase!”

Saw the seasonal scare-story headline and just KNEW what the usual trolls were going to be saying in the comments section. 

And sure enough, WFP blah blah blah...
Seems even the weather is a dog-whistle for them, now.

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Chad Grindr wrote:
Let's hope that all the pensioners are not too afraid to put their heating on now and manage to keep warm, despite the efforts of this evil Labo*r government

👍+112

Aunt Nartsie replied:
And I would suspect that the pensioners that voted for St*rmer and his foul mob would never do so again. Vote Gargoyle!

👍+98

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
"All the pensioners..." I think most pensioners who used to receive the Winter Fuel Allowance won't be scared they can't afford to run their heating. I don't suppose you will be.

👎-165

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from a typically stupid remoaning socialist La**ur-supporting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you K**r St**mer-loving, La**urite bum-boy.

👍👍👍+534

Boring Welsh Tory wrote:
Climate change is a myth promoted by left-wing political activists intent on bringing down our wonderful fossil fuel industry in order to impose their own communist utopia and enslave all to the alien lizard people fronted by George Soros and Kamala Harris. I know that because I read about it on the Internet.:
The-Elsevier-Book-Of-Right-Wing-Conspiracy-Theories-co.uk

Global temperatures are, in fact, falling and the polar ice caps are growing at an alarming rate
Made-up-climate-data-produced-by-fossil-fuel-companies that-only-dopey-welshsters-believe.co.uk

I live in Wales and when I look out of the window of my Mum’s attic where I’ve lived for the past forty years, it’s still raining. That proves that climate isn’t changing.
My-sad-lived-experience-is-universally-applicable.com

👍+1

Gonads replied:
Climate is changing but you aren’t. You’re still a boring know-it-all tw*t

👍👍+78

Super Small Dick wrote:
Thanks to St*armer taking away my heating allowance I will probably die from hypothermia soon like millions of other UK pensioners. Meanwhile, millions of illegal immigrants will be nice and warm in their luxury hotels that I’ve helped pay for.

👍+214

Tornado Watcher replied:
Come off it. You used to spend your heating allowance money in the nearest “Spoons”, just like all the other well-off Tory pensioners who populate the comments section here.

👎-134

Super Small Dick replied:
So what if I did? It’s the principle that matters. And what about those illegal immigrants, eh?

👍+90

Tornado Watcher replied:
What about them? This article was about bad weather (or lack of), not “illegal immigrants”.

👎-89

Neil Barse replied:
At last Tornado Chaser confesses the truth about themselves before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Chaser posts on here. As usual, I win the argument by my relentlessly logical and calm, reasoned, factual responses, unlike the hate-filled rants of far-leftist Guardian-reading pillocks like Tornado Chaser.

👍👍👍+346

Tornado Watcher replied:
Ah, Neil Barse, the very muse of Shakespeare himself.
“Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale, her infinite variety”…

👎-234

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is Tornado Watcher. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍+1024

Tornado Watcher replied:
Quod erat demonstrandum…

👎-10

Neil Barse replied:
Your inevitable vile abuse is now written in French, the language of pathetic leftist remoaning socialist scum that is so often prevalent on this forum.

👍+98

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever wrote:
I see that K*ir St*rmer is encouraging his MPs to debate the question of assisted dying. I dare say his government is also hoping for a severe winter now he has cut the winter heating allowance. Both are part of the Labo*r master plan for easing the pressure of the NHS, no doubt. Fortunately I am rich enough not to care about the NHS or poor people, although R*chel Re*ves is doing her best to make things otherwise.

👍+63

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in the next elections because all parties are corrupt unlike Russian oligarch money which is good for UK, which will be good news for all Russian internet trolls and dear Mr. Putin.

👍+18