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| It's that gargoyle again... |
"You wouldn't see Rishi Sunak or K*ir St*rmer buying fags, would you?" said the gargoyle.
"I think it's vitally important that the proud and patriotic people of Britain sacrifice their health to boost the profits of billion-dollar multi-national companies. All of this woke nonsense about smoking giving you cancer has to stop," he continued. "Smoking forty a day made me the man I am".
"If elected, I plan to campaign to remove any age limits on smoking, allow unlimited advertising for cigarettes and make them freely available in primary schools, just like milk used to be."
"That gargoyle is a real straight talker," said the owner of the Halliton mini-market, Sandeep Patel. "He walked straight up to the counter and said 'Twenty Bensons, please, little brown person'. No prevarication or messing about. He is clearly a man who knows what he wants."
"He's got my vote, even if he wants to deport me and my family to Rwanda..."
Apology:
Mr. Patel has asked us to point out that he did not endorse Niglet the gargoyle, given that Mr, Patel is a serving Lab*or councillor and that he regards any suggestion that he would support such a candidate to be highly offensive. We are happy to print this apology in very small print, safe in the knowledge that no-one will ever read it.