Gargoyle Drinks Pint Of Beer in Halliton Pub

It’s been a couple of days since we last wrote about Niglet the Gargoyle, Britain’s leading failed parliamentary candidate and serial loser of general elections – which of course makes him the hottest news in British politics!!!

You can't keep a good Gargoyle down...

Niglet the Gargoyle, owner and sole director of the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs PLC™©® party, today took a break from his permanent presence on BBC television to do some election campaigning in support of his bid to win the Midway constituency of Claptout-On-Sea on the Midway estuary.

“I can’t stand beer,” said the gargoyle, pictured clinging to the guttering outside of the Homeward Belle in Halliton. “I only drink beer and smoke fags for photo-ops, to cultivate my fake ‘Gargoyle Of The People’ persona.”

“I’d much rather have a glass of Chateaux de Beaucastel Chateauneuf-du-Pape,” he said, lighting up a cigarette with a Є50 note. “Of course, thanks to bloody Brexit, it’s getting hard to get decent French wines in the UK, but I’d rather drink beer than bloody awful UK wines to be honest. Not that any of that is anything to do with me, of course!”

“Brexit is a disaster only because of the leftist, woke remainers in the UK government and civil service”, said the gargoyle. “If I am elected, I will pressurise any new UK government to declare war on the rest of Europe as soon as possible.”

“That way, we can just shoot any invaders who try and come into the UK by boat. Immigration sorted! That also means that once France has surrendered to us, we will have unfettered access to the continent. No more queuing at bloody customs or 48 hour hold-ups for import or export lorry checks. Trade and free movement sorted!”

“We’ll be Taking Back Control, Gargoyle-style…”

We Love Niglet the Gargoyle...

“The people of Claptout-On-Sea can rest assured that once they have elected me as their MP, they will never be seeing me again. They are a miserable bunch of thick, selfish, ignorant, Daily Mail-reading pensioners, which is why I chose to stand here, of course. But the thought of actually listening to them, grumbling about public services and the state of the roads all day long, well, no thanks. I’ve got better things to do.”

“The people of Claptout-On-Sea want an MP that won’t be forever posting partisan bollocks on their Facebook page, blaming Midway Labo*r Council for everything, like Kylie Trollhouse (the Conservative candidate for nearby Stroochester) does. I can guarantee that as your MP, you’ll never hear from me at all.”

“Britain is Broken. My work here is done. Once I’m taking an MP’s salary and expenses, I’ll be straight off to the USA to help my orange friend break America, just the same way Britain is.”

“Vote Gargoyle to Make America Great Again…”

“Now excuse me, I’ve got a two-hour interview slot with Laura Toriesburg on the BBC to go to. Bye-eeee…”