Niglet The Gargoyle Given Permission To Replace ‘Tired’ Home In Rainingham With Swanky New-Build

It’s been nearly two weeks since we last ran a story about our favourite right-wing gargoyle, so to celebrate the New Year and get 2025 off to a proper far-right start…

Rainingham Valley as it is now: Bought by a gargoyle...

Niglet the gargoyle has been given the green light to knock down a “tired” farmhouse in Rainginham and replace it with a swanky multi-storey new-build.

The owner of the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs Party UK PLC^™©® and MP for the Midway constituency of Claptout-On-Sea revealed plans for a swanky mansion, complete with a swanky private airfield and swanky helipad at Brimstone Farm in Rainingham Valley, earlier this year.

And his swanky scheme has now been green-lit by planning officers at Midway Borough Council (MBC) after no objections were raised by terrified neighbours.

The gargoyle told the MORON how it chose the countryside location as it is a “super place, that’s miles away from my moronic, whiny constituents in Claptout-On-Sea.”

The 700-year-old piece of ugly church architecture said this week how it is “pleased” that the swanky scheme has been approved.

Niglet the gargoyle: Grand designs...

“It will be nice to have a UK base from which to spout propaganda for the six weeks of the year I’m not in North America, sucking up to the new President”, it added.

The current farmhouse boasts views across the Rainingham Valley, which is classified as an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty and is one of Midway’s last remaining section of Green-Belt land, and was bought in March last year for an undisclosed sum.

Documents submitted to MBC by the gargoyle’s company, Pain in the Arse UK Domination Ltd, show the farmhouse will be demolished and replaced with the swanky new build.

Its replacement property will still include three bedrooms but will become a swanky sixteen-storey black tower including a swanky master global satellite communications hub and en-suite in the roof space, complete with a smoking volcano annex and all surrounded by impregnable walls.

The swanky ground floor will include a pit for the breeding of a race of killer orcs from the germ-plasm of the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs Party UK PLC^™©® MP Lee Anderthal, and space for twelve winged flying dragons to transport Black Riders from the Really Extreme Far-Out Rightwing Maniacs Party UK PLC^™©® around the UK, spreading the word about how shit Ke*r St*rmer’s Labo*r government is, why the Tories are a joke and why everyone should Vote Gargoyle.

Rainingham Valley. What it will look like with the gargoyle's new home...

The farmland itself will be concreted over to create a swanky international-standard airstrip, which will allow the gargoyle’s chums from America and Russia to fly in and give the gargoyle their orders.

It will also feature a swanky sunken dungeon for the imprisonment of anyone the gargoyle doesn’t like once it gets elected as UK prime minister in 2029, and a swanky balcony on the swanky first floor overlooking a swanky new 10 acre courtyard lit by flaming torches, where the gargoyle hopes to hold Nuremburg-style rallies as part of its 2029 election campaign.

The property is to be called "The Jerkhoff".

Intrusive soft-porn ads, just for you...!

The gargoyle stood for the constituency of South Chattingham in the general elections of 2005 and 2015 when it was the leader of the now-defunct UKBURP (United Kingdom Brexity Ultra-Rightwing Party).

In 2005 it famously came last, just behind a loony dressed as a dolphin, but in 2015, educational standards of the local electorate had dropped to the extent that it came second to Tory Kylie Trollhouse.

The famous far-right gargoyle was carved in 1356 as part of the building of the lost medieval church of St. Boris The Absurd, near Orpington, long before the area was officially made part of the London Borough of Bromley.

Local legend has it that the church was struck by lightning soon after its completion as a result of being cursed by the Mad Nun of Uttlesford, Kemikhazi The Demented, which imbued the gargoyle with the demonic yet risible life-force that it still possesses today. 

In the real world, yet another click-bait non-story about their favourite right-wing politician.
Happy New Year, folks… 

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
Is it just me or does the MORON over-use the rather horrid adjective “swanky”?

👎👎👎👎👎👎-1000

Yu Rong replied:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums.

👍+213

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is GreyMondeoMan. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍+287

Chad Grindr wrote:
Lol, you can't beat a story about Our Gargoyle to get the hate-filled lefties frothing at the mouth and venting their spleens. Perhaps he should let Ke*r St*rmer stay in the house for free occasionally? We all know how free gear K*ir likes a freebie.

👍+167

Gonads replied:
I can’t say I’m all that bothered by the private life of the gargoyle. However, when you talk about Ke*r St*rmer’s propensity for ‘freebies”, why not also mention the gargoyle’s free US plane tickets and shady political funding? And have you bought any gold off of him yet? No wonder he doesn’t have time to do any constituency work…

👎-132

Yu Rong replied:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums.

👍+213

Chad Grindr replied:
Lol, for an easily-triggered frothy hate-filled lefty please see spleen-venting rant above ;-)

👍+178

Neil Barse replied:
Typical lies and whataboutery from the bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser that is Gonads. I think you far-left socialists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. And what about Labo*r’s plans to double VAT and increase income tax to 50% eh? Eh? That’s a plan that I’m sure you woke, hate-filled far-left St*rmer worshippers would approve of.

👍👍👍+1024

Chad Grindr wrote:
Even though it is for a good cause, the approval of this scheme is ecological vandalism on a massive scale as a result of unsustainable levels of mass immigration that this Labo*r government is solely to blame for. Labo*r may not have told the electorate about withdrawing winter fuel allowance for many pensioners, changes to the IHT rules, increasing student tuition fees and taxes for working people plus letting criminals out of the prisons early etc but they did say that they would ignore local concerns and build on the precious green belt.
Wake up quick people, because once this land where we grow some of our food and all the wildlife it supports is gone, it is almost certainly gone forever!

👍+98

Phil Thementallyill replied:
I agree that these plans to destroy Midway’s last piece of Green Belt are simply awful Chad. Yet it is all for the greater good if it allows us to crow about how Re*ves and Sta*mer are oblivious to what they've caused and how everyone will suffer under this shambles. Now we will all be forced to become hunter gathers thanks to Labo*r’s economic mismanagement. You couldn’t make it up. This is only the beginning and our newspapers and GBNews are telling us much much worse will follow. All those who voted Labo*r at the last election should hang their heads in shame.

👍+322

Tornado Watcher replied:
“…Now we will all be forced to become hunter-gatherers thanks to Labo*r’s economic mismanagement. You couldn’t make it up…”
But you did.
Well done.

👎-67

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is Tornado Watcher. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍+287

Chad Grindr wrote:
This Labo*r government is solely to blame for the record number of deaths in the channel as well. Labo*r too busy smashing the economy and tax payers rather than any criminal gangs!

👍+167

Yu Rong replied:
Not surprised given the figure is up over 200% on the same period last year, when the Rwanda idea was on the agenda. None of the other newspapers reported this, thank God for GBNews!

👍+98

SuperSmallDick wrote:
My local Tory councillor told me that Labo*r are planning to increase IHT to 50% on any properties worth over £50 so that they can fund luxury housing developments for asylum seekers. Meanwhile, another 800,000 Albanian shoplifters crossed the channel in small boats last week and are being housed in luxury hotels while all of our pensioners freeze to death and our farmers are reduced to living in tents as a result of being evicted from their land because they cannot afford to pay their IHT bills. Four more years of Starmer’s communist dictatorship, then I can vote REFORM.

👍+213

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in next elections because all other political England parties will introduce anti-democratic police state dictatorships unlike truly free Russia as run by champion of democratic freedoms dear Mr. Putin and his Russian oligarch friends whose money is good for UK.

👍+18 

 

Midway Water still working to reconnect homes in Stroochester without water since before Christmas Day

Midway Water digging up the road. Again...

More than 1,000 people living in Stroochester were without water earlier this week after a leak, which is underground with no signs on the surface, affected the supply to homes.

The water company said that on Christmas Day it had continued to work overnight and had restored water to all but 300 addresses in the town.

A spokesman added: “We have restored supply to all bar around 300 properties.”

“We have supplied a double delivery of bottled water overnight to all the properties originally impacted, and our bottled water station will also be open from 8am today to support the community.”

“So we don’t get why our whiny customers are still moaning. So what if you can’t flush your toilets, run your washing machines or have a shower? Consider yourselves lucky you sometimes get running water at all."

"Anybody would think the UK wasn’t a third-world country, listening to these snowflakes complaining…”

A few hours later, at 1.30pm, Midway Water said they had managed to restore water to most properties so would be closing the bottled water station at 2.30pm and putting it on standby. All of those still affected had had bottled water delivered.

Water had been redirected from other areas to help restore supplies. Pressure was likely to be low but the firm said it was working on that issue too.

Angry residents in Stroochester said they had been without water for more than 24 hours after the incident was reported, with some vulnerable customers not receiving bottled supplies for some time.

Mandy Gormless: "Wants compensation..."

Chattingham mother-of-six Mandy Gormless (23) lives in nearby Chattingham and was completely unaffected by the disruption to Stroochester’s domestic water supplies.

“I’ve got six kids,” she said, “so it’s a real worry that we might lose our water supply like wot they did in Stroochester. It’s wrong that Midway water can cause me stress like that.”

“I want compensation…”

In a further update at 3pm on Christmas Day, a spokesperson for the firm said: “We’re very sorry to our customers in Stroochester for the ongoing disruption.”

“While we have managed to restore supplies to the majority of properties, at present we have 290 domestic and 17 commercial properties without water.”

“We have arranged bottle water deliveries for our domestic customers, still without water. We will continue to redirect water and work 24/7 to locate and fix the underground leak.”

Problems began earlier this week when more than 1,000 families faced the possibility of spending Christmas Day without water as the leak continued to affect the area.

The water company confirmed the outage was due to a burst Victorian-era water main and teams are working “around the clock” to repair the leak.

A spokesman for Midway Water said, “We’d like to reassure our customers that our priorities are to look after the most vulnerable in society, that is, our executives and shareholders. We’ve diverted the flow of money from maintenance programmes and borrowed vast amounts of cash, just to make sure our shareholders and executives can continue to swim in money.”

“Fortunately, the recent incident in Stroochester has not affected the flow of money from our customers and into the bank account of our Chief Executive. He’s very pleased with his £336,000 (80%) pay rise and his £183,000 bonus, despite the company filling Midway’s rivers with untreated sewage and losing three billion litres of water a day due to leaks.”

"Why bother to work hard to succeed when you get paid so well for failure? Ker-ching! Ker-ching!"

Midway Water’s majority shareholder is the Australian venture capital firm Daiquiri.

“Look mate, we know bugger all about water. We live in a bloody great desert full of poisonous snakes and spiders, for chrissakes,” said a Daiquiri spokesman.

“If you stupid whinging poms were daft enough to sell us your national water supply network, the more fool you. So long as you keep giving us your money, we don’t give a monkeys’ whether your taps run dry or not…”

In the real world, the usual trolls have been very quiet about the latest local success of Tory privatisation. Except to down-vote a comment pointing that out…

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever wrote:
The privatisation of the UK’s national water companies was one of the Tory’s greatest achievements. They took a critical part of national infrastructure and sold it off to foreign investment companies who have spent nothing on maintenance in 35 years. During that time, they have loaded the water authorities with debt to pay inflated dividends and bonuses to themselves and their shareholders, while draining billions of their UK customer’s money into their overseas bank accounts.
This is free market capitalism at its finest and has made many of my friends and acquaintances extremely rich.
Any other approach would be just socialism. Down that path lies madness.

👍+63

Chad Grindr replied:
I completely agree. I have no sympathy with the whiny leftist loons who complain about the high price of their water bills, the filling of our rivers with raw sewage, the constant disruption to our road transport system and the destruction of our roads by the never-ending bodged repairs to leaks from a 100 year old water distribution system. This is a small price to pay for the ideological utopia of a free-market economy. Fortunately, the new Labo*r government appears to acknowledge the righteousness of this philosophy and the obvious benefits it has brought the UK in the past 40 years.

👍+98

Phil TheMentallyIll wrote:
This disgraceful failure of critical public infrastructure is entirely the fault of K*ir St*rmer and Chancellor R*chel Re*ves. The removal of the universal Winter Fuel Payment, the imposition of inheritance tax on farmland and K*ir St*rmer’s freebie spectacles are all directly responsible for the collapse of the UK’s water distribution and sewage disposal systems. All those who voted Labo*r at the last election should hang their heads in shame.

👍+132

Tornado Watcher replied:
Please explain the reasoning behind your assertion that six months of a Labo*r government is entirely responsible for 30 year’s-worth of neglect and asset-stripping of the UK’s water system by its overseas venture capitalist owners.

👎-283

Yu Rong replied:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums. Labo*r is in government, so anything that is wrong with the UK must be their fault. Why do you stupid leftists continue to deny this obvious truth?

👍+213

Phil TheMentallyIll replied:
I don’t need to explain anything. My emotions and gut feelings tell me that I am right, and these are verified every day by the Daily Telegraph and GBNews. You are obviously too lazy or stupid to check these sources for yourself

👍+83

Tornado Watcher replied:
Does it ever occur to you that the statement “It must be true because I saw it on GBNews” is a bit of a non sequitur?

👎-67

Neil Barse replied:
By his use of French in which to couch his latest tirade of vile abuse, Tornado Watcher confesses the truth about himself before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Watcher posts on here.

👍+102

SuperSmallDick wrote:
My local Tory councillor told me that Midway Water is deliberately creating water leaks to flood our roads so that the millions of illegal immigrants who cross the English Channel in their small boats every week can sail them straight to the front doors of the luxury hotels us UK taxpayers are paying for. Meanwhile, millions of English pensioners are freezing to death thanks to the removal of the WFP and thousands of farmers are living on the streets because they have been made homeless by Lab*ur’s IHT changes. Four more years of St*rmer’s communist dictatorship, then I can vote REFORM.

👍+25

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in next elections because all political England parties are anti-democratic police state dictatorships unlike truly free Russia as run by champion of democratic freedoms dear Mr. Putin and his Russian oligarch friends whose money is good for UK.

👍+18

TfL Fines Rainingham Mum In Monster Truck ULEZ mistake

Simon Goebbels

By Our Local Demagoguery Reporter

Simon Goebbels

Given that it’s Christmas and the news is a bit slow, we thought we’d blow the old ULEZ dog-whistle just to try and stir up the usual trolls for a few easy clicks. We know the ULEZ hardly affects anyone in the Midway area, just like the IHT changes, but it’s been a while since we ran a Sadiq Khan/Labo*r-bashing anti-Tfl article, so here we go….

Rainingham mum Chelsey Tract-Torr and her school-run car: ULEZ problems...

A furious Rainingham mum took on Transport for London (TfL) after she was slapped with a £90 ULEZ fine.

Chelsey Tract-Torr was stunned to receive the charge because she’d checked her new £152,000 9-litre Monster Truck was compliant before entering the controversial zone.

Chelsey explained how she checked the ULEZ website on November 23 before driving to Orpington.

The zone, which was expanded by evil socialist London Labo*r Mayor Sadiq Khan last year, targets polluting vehicles with a £12.50 daily fee as they enter the capital.

The site said Ms. Tract-Torr could travel without paying as her vehicle was compliant with the set environmental standards.

However, the motoring misunderstanding came about because Chelsey had swapped the personalised registration plate from her old Nissan Micra to her new truck.

Labo*r's London Mayor Sadiq Khan

“I know it’s a bit on the big side but my truck runs on methanol, not petrol or diesel, and so is very environmentally-friendly,” said Chelsey. “I bought it for the school run as it’s so easy to park. I just park on top of all of the Range Rover and huge SUVs the other mum’s use…”

On November 28, the young mum was “shocked” to receive a £90 bill and was threatened this would rise to £270 if not resolved before Christmas Eve.

She rechecked the website, which confirmed the truck was compliant, and sent a screenshot of the page as part of their appeal.

It was not until 9am on December 18, that a TfL reply reached them asking for more in-depth information.

Ms. Tract-Torr said: “I checked on their own website putting in my car details and it clearly states ‘This vehicle meets the ULEZ emissions standards, you do not need to pay a daily ULEZ charge’.

“But they demanded a letter from the vehicle’s makers, a copy of my four-page logbook and a copy of the vehicle’s compliance certificate.

“It is utter madness. It’s not about the money it’s the principle.”

“I could have understood if they admitted their own website was not fit for purpose but they just dug their heels in and asked me to jump through all these hoops.”

Frustrated by the arduous task set by them, Ms. Tract-Torr decided to call up TfL headquarters.

She said: “I explained the website said we were compliant but was told I needed to send all of this information to them within 14 days of the date of the letter.”

“The TfL official then told me that just putting the number plate from my Nissan Micra onto a 9-litre 1500 bhp monster truck didn’t make the truck ULEZ compliant and that the fine needed to be paid.”

“I explained that the fuel was environmentally friendly but the official still insisted my monster truck was not ULEZ compliant.”

Annoyed by the car confusion, Chelsey says her case could be one of hundreds and TfL needs to “look it into its system”.

She added: “How many other people out there get fined just because they drive methanol-powered six-ton 9-litre 1500 bhp supercharged trucks into London?”

“I’m expecting some form of compensation...”

In the real world, another non-story about a rescinded TfL fine fails to get the trolls going as anticipated. Maybe trolls take it easy over Xmas as well. Or maybe they are just as bored with the ULEZ as the rest of us are…

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Gonads wrote:
I think everyone’s getting bored with the non-story of the ULEZ these days. Even the usual trolls can’t be bothered to spend ages up-voting their own comments and down-voting everyone else’s like they usually do. As for someone expecting a monster truck to be ULEZ compliant, it makes you wonder if the MORON is making this story up just to (this comment has been edited as it does not meet our community standards - The Editor).

👍+11

Aunt Nartsie wrote:
Who does Sadiq Khan think he is, trying to discourage the people of Midway from driving their 20-year old soot-blowing diesels through London, just so that inner-city children don’t develop preventable respiratory diseases? Who cares about them, can’t they just hold their breath or wear masks or something? Selfish leftie snowflakes the lot of ‘em. Why should I have to pay for such wokery, even though I don’t drive. It’s not the money, it’s the principle. Sadiq Khan is a Labo*r politician, so anything he does must be wrong.

👍+7

Chad Grindr wrote:
Sadiq Khan is attempting to set up a woke, socialist Islamic republic in London and is using the ULEZ tax to fund it. His ULEZ cameras are an attempt to enforce Sharia law on the UK and should be torn down and smashed, as should Khan’s Lab**r Party.

👍+7

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
The ULEZ is just another right-wing distraction issue that is being blown-up out of all proportion in order to smear London’s Labo*r council and by association, the Labo*r government. Most vehicles are ULEZ compliant and the ULEZ hardly affects anyone in Midway.

👎-8

Chad Grindr replied:
If you stopped your shouty leftist bellowing for a while, you would realise that at least half the population of Midway drive 20 year old diesels into London every day, so your statement is the sort of typically out-of-touch, elitist nonsense we have come to expect from you.

👍+4

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
“…half the population of Midway drive 20 year old diesels into London every day…”
Really? I think you might just be making that one up, Chad. Or is that something you saw on GBNews or read in the Daily Mail?

👎-9

Chad Grindr replied:
If you are too lazy and shouty to check the facts then I don’t see why I should do it for you.

👍+3

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
You are the one quoting the numbers, not I. If you want people to believe you, show your sources.

👎-2

Yu Rong replied:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums. The ULEZ is a Labo*r invention and is therefore an evil socialist excuse to tax ordinary working people and raise funds for wokish causes like climate change.

👍+1

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
I think you’ll find that it was Boris Johnson who instigated the ULEZ scheme in 2015 when he was Mayor of London. But don’t let me spoil your prejudiced and factually-devoid rants.

👎-9

Yu Rong replied:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums. You lefties are so arrogant, insisting on facts all the time rather than the feelings and made-up assertions of the high-calibre journalists on GBNews, the Daily Telegraph or the Daily Mail.
Who on earth do you think you are?

👍+3

Neil Barse replied:
Chad/Yu Rong - do not waste your effort trying to engage leftist idiots like GMM in rational debate. They deserve only insults, random distraction issues, whataboutery and gaslighting. This involves no rational thought whatsoever, which should not be wasted on demented leftists who disagree with us. This will ensure that wishy-washy, woke snowflakes will be driven away, meaning that WE WIN all of the time.

👍+2

Boring Welsh Tory wrote:
Particulate emissions from so-called polluting diesels are rich in vitamins and beneficial omega-3 compounds that are known to boost cardiovascular and respiratory health.
Fossil-fuel-misinformation-for-the-credulous.com
Sadiq Khan is promoting his ULEZ as a front for his plans to turn London into an Islamic caliphate, which is itself a front for world domination by Bill Gates, George Soros and the Illuminati lizard people.
Completely-mental-conspiracy-theories-for-loonies.com
To avoid being subsumed by the alien lizards, it is best to hide in your Mum’s attic with your head wrapped in tin-foil and until the lizards are driven away by a triumvirate of Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Xi JinPing, who will liberate the world from tyranny by killing everyone who believes in climate change.
Trump-Is-A-Brilliant-Visionary.com.

👍+1

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in next elections because all political England parties are anti-democratic police state dictatorships unlike truly free Russia as run by champion of democratic freedoms dear Mr. Putin and his Russian oligarch friends whose money is good for UK.

👍-18

"Chew On This" Reviews The Steaming Turban In Chattingham.

We rang the Steaming Turban Curry House in Chattingham and said we’d write something nice about them if they gave us a free takeaway. But they told us to bugger off. 

So we wrote a disingenuous article about a bad hygiene inspection they had 3 years ago.

Then we sent out our top restaurant review team for a totally unbiased and in-depth review. Here’s what they found at the Steaming Turban Curry House in Chattingham:

Review by:

Art. E. Fishall

and

Clint Elligence

The Steaming Turban Indian restaurant: "No freebies = not very good..."

The restaurant was not very clean.

The restaurant was not very well decorated.

The staff were not very helpful or friendly.

The menu did not offer a wide variety of dishes.

The starter did not come promptly and was not very tasty.

The main meal did not come promptly and was not very tasty.

The pudding did not come promptly and was not very tasty.

The toilets were not very clean.

The bill did not come promptly and was not very reasonable.

This is not a nice restaurant.

The food is not very good and is not reasonably priced.

We would not recommend it to anyone.

There. That’ll teach you to mess with the local media, folks…:

Comments:
Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Bystander wrote:
This review is complete garbage in my opinion. I regularly use this restaurant. It is extremely good and the staff could not be more (this comment has been cut because it does not meet our community standards- The Editor)

👎👎👎👎👎-987

HerbieRidesAgain wrote:
I don’t normally comment here but I feel I must defend this restaurant. Mr. Patel and his family are absolutely wonderful, his restaurant is so friendly and the food is excellent. It is obvious that he had refused to pander to your bullying and as a result has (this comment has been cut because it does not meet our community standards- The Editor)

👎👎👎👎👎-912

Dayshift replied:
I completely agree. The Steaming Turban is a Chattingham legend and this so-called “review” seems to be motivated by (this comment has been cut because it does not meet our community standards- The Editor)

👎👎👎👎👎-898

Tornado Watcher wrote:
Oh dear. Even the editorial down-votes aren’t putting off commentators. Seems like even the MORON’s readers have sussed out this particular piece of nasty (this comment has been cut because it does not meet our community standards- The Editor)

👎👎👎👎👎-872

Neil Barse replied:
At last Tornado Watcher confesses the truth about themselves before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Watcher posts on here. (Well done this is more like it – The Editor).

👍👍👍👍👍+521

KentieGirl wrote:
I often eat at the Steaming Turban with my family and I have never once had a bad experience. I think the MORON’s AI review bots need reprogramming with a large baseball bat so that (comments on this article are now closed because we don’t like the way this is going – The Editor)

👎👎👎👎👎-790

Popular Chattingham Curry House Receives Two-Star Hygiene Rating

We rang the Steaming Turban Curry House in Chattingham and said we’d write something nice about them if they gave us a free takeaway.

But they told us to bugger off.

The Steaming Turban: two-star rating...

So we went through the archives and found that a few years ago, the restaurant had been given a two star hygiene rating after food hygiene inspectors found “dirty” facilities and a build-up of dead insects.

The Steaming Turban has a five-out-of-five score on Tripadvisor but three years ago council officers gave it a two-star rating for hygiene standards outlining “some improvement is necessary”.

The inspection on October 25 2021 by officials from Midway Borough Council (MBC) also discovered leaky kitchen sinks and a pile of cardboard waste that inspectors warned would attract rodents and poor hand-washing practices in place.

“The fly killer unit has a build-up of dead insects and requires cleaning".

Inspection records also detail a greasy fly chain full of dust and debris and a bathroom “dirty and scaled”.

As officers walked through the main kitchen, water was collecting on the flood due to a leak in the plumbing and drainage system for the main washing-up sink.

Inspectors cautioned: “Sinks must be adequately plumbed to ensure that water does not collect on the floor of a food business, floors must be free of water and kept clean at all times."

Stock photo of rubbish...

“At the time of my inspection, there was a large amount of waste packaging outside the kitchen near the outside store - waste that could attract pests in particular rodents to this area and encourages them to enter the food preparation area.”

Officials ordered the restaurant managers to clean the facilities, make the necessary repairs and arrange for staff members to have refresher training in food safety.

When they returned to the Chattingham restaurant in December 2021, inspectors found all issues had been resolved and awarded the business top marks for hygiene and cleanliness.

The Grott Street eatery has since been re-inspected and was awarded a five-out-of-five rating, according to an update published on December 12 on the Food Standards Agency (FSA) register.

So we haven’t really got a story.

But we’re not going to be laughed at by a bloody Indian restaurant that refuses to give us freebies when we ask for them.

So watch this space for a totally honest and unbiased restaurant review. 

In the real world, what turns out to be a complete non-story about a small family restaurant doesn’t first mention the successful re-inspection until about half-way through, a single sentence buried in a load of out-of-date condemnations. But then this sort of stuff about “forren” restaurants being dirty always gets the clicks, by hook or crook…

 Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Aunt Nartsie wrote:
Here we go again... the same type of food outlet, doubtless staffed by illegal immigrants who don’t even speak English, let alone work to English hygiene standards. Close them down permanently when inspected if they don’t comply with hygiene standards. Why give them extra chances to give customers food poisoning?!

👍-9

TheSteamingTurban replied:
Mrs Nartsie our restaurant was started by my father 50 years ago. It is now run by my son and his wife. My family are as “English” as you are and judging by your comment, I think we have far more pride in our English values of tolerance and respect than you do. Yes, we got careless with our hygiene practices a few years ago due to family problems. However, we admitted our mistakes, worked hard to address them and have since had five-star ratings. We are a small family business and we are proud to serve our local community. Why not come and visit us instead of writing nasty (this comment has been cut because it does not meet our community standards – The Editor).

👍+262

Aunt Nartsie replied:
A likely story. If I had my way you lot would be on a plane to Rwanda!

👎-22

Gonads replied:
Wow, for once, some down-votes for Aunt Nartsie’s bigoted fascist drivel. Obviously her fellow right-wing trolls couldn’t up-vote it fast enough. Or maybe the bots have shut down for Xmas. Expect the MORON team to wade in with a block vote to get things back to normal…

👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎-15000

Gonads replied:
Thanks lads, business as usual!

👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎-20000

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from Gonads, a typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍👍👍👍+970

PhilTheMentallyIll wrote
The original poor restaurant hygiene inspection result was undoubtedly the fault of Ke*r St*rmer and the anti-business policies of his Labo*r lackies R*chel Re*ves and Ang*la R*yner, who are using a combination of the food hygiene regulations, the ULEZ and inheritance tax changes to drive all small restaurants out of business so that they can be replaced by woke vegan nut cutlet outlets for socialist snowflakes.

👍+34

Super Small Dick wrote:
If I die of cold this winter, who do my children sue? We can afford to give money to the immigrants but can't keep me warm! Disgusted.

👍+104

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in next elections because all political England parties are anti-democratic police state dictatorships unlike truly free Russia as run by champion of democratic freedoms dear Mr. Putin and his Russian oligarch friends whose money is good for UK.

👍+18

Farmers Stage Annual Christmas Parade Through Midway

Midway farmers charity event: Tractors on parade...

A popular festive tractor parade was held for a third year running, when the “Oi’ve Gotta Bran’ New Comboine ‘Arrvester” charity event made its way through several towns in the Midway region yesterday afternoon.

Dozens of farmers took to the streets in an event that entertained crowds of onlookers and their families.

Each tractor was decorated with bright lights, tinsel and Christmas-themed inflatables.

It was organised by the Midway Young Farmers Club (MYFC) and raised money for the air ambulance.

Angus Stoatweed: "Pleased"

Angus Stoatweed, local arable farmer and club leader of the Midway YFC, said: “We were delighted to bring our Oi’ve Gotta Bran’ New Comboine ‘Arrvester tractor parade to our three main Midway towns once again and were pleased that people turned out to support us.”

“We’ve managed to raise over £7000 for the Kent Air Ambulance Kent our Young Farmers Club thanks to the generous donations of the spectators.”

“It was a pleasure to see so many people clapping and waving as we went past. This has become a true community event.”

“Not only do pubs and cafes join in the fun but this year we also had churches getting out their tea urns, some lovely support from community groups with the bucket collections and live tractor tracking from Midway Lions.

“The club received national recognition for community spirit in the National Young Farmers Awards.

“We were very proud to organise an event that everyone seemed to enjoy, no matter their circumstances. Even the parking was free.”

“With Christmas around the corner, we gave the punters a chance to back British farming by filling their baskets with some good home-grown British food and drink over the festive season!”

“We’d like to thank all of the local businesses who supported our event and helped to make it such a success.”

“And no, we’re not going to get into a debate about the IHT changes. This is about our Christmas charity event, not your bloody point-scoring anti-government agenda, so stop stirring it up…” 

The mere mention of the word “farmer” is just a dog-whistle for trolls these days. And sure enough in the real world, they just couldn’t resist the temptation to politicise even a Christmas charity event and turn it into right-wing click-bait. Needless to say, Pavlov’s trolls responded with their usual insults and angry sniping. Anyway, happy Xmas everyone...

Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
Well done the farmers. My family thoroughly enjoyed the drive-past and we pleased to support the local produce stands and donate to the worthwhile charities. Happy Christmas everybody!

👎-98

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid hypocritical reply from a remoaning socialist Labo*r-voting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you support the bankrupting of all Britain’s hardworking farmers by evil communist Chancellor R*chel Re*ves with her imposition of crippling inheritance tax changes, and yet you are hypocritical enough to take advantage of a charity event held by the very farmers you are condemning to poverty. You are a stinking hypocrite, as are all ultra far-left idiots. Crawl away and die, you hypocritical tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍+127

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Is it even worth replying to such hate-filled vitriol?

👎-90

Neil Barse replied:
Typical lies and whataboutery from a bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser. I think you leftists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. And what about Labo*r’s plans to force all farmers to give their land to illegal immigrants so that can convert it all to vast Sharia law ghettos? That’s a plan that I’m sure you cretinous, unwashed far-left UK haters would approve of.

👍+108

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Thought not. Happy Christmas anyway, Neil.

👎-49

Yu Rong wrote:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums GMM.

👍+87

Chad Grindr
Will you STOP SHOUTING GMM YOU LEFTIST LOON

👍+67

Phil Thementallyill wrote:
It is at this time of year that we remember the biblical tale of Mary and Joseph, how they could not find room at the inn and were forced to give birth to the baby Jesus in a manger after they were driven from their farm by crippling IHT rises. This, of course, was all the fault of K*ir Starmer and Ang*la R*yner, who after six months have completely failed to deliver on their manifesto promises to build sufficient affordable housing for young families like Joseph and Mary, and the removal of the Holy child benefit cap. Anyone who voted Labo*r should hang their heads in shame.

👍+376

Chad Grindr wrote:
Support Britain’s farmers, not Communist St*rmer!

👍+110

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Happy Christmas and a peaceful new year, Chad…

👎-90

Yu Rong replied:
Ooooh get you and your tantrums.

👍+45

Grey Mondeo Man replied:
And Happy Christmas to you, too, Yu Rong. Hope everything goes well with the baby and all that. I’m sure daddy Neil Barse will be as supportive of you as he is of me.

👎-2

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist la**or-supporting woke snowflake that is GreyMondeoMan. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, guardian-reading pillock.

👍+276

Chad Grindr replied:
A typical woke, bed-wetting response from GMM, the MORON’s premier shouty leftist loon. Drop dead you shouty Starmer-loving communist.

👍+78

Tornado Watcher wrote:
Happy Christmas everyone!

👎-106

Neil Barse replied:
Once again Tornado Watcher confesses the truth about themselves before slinking away to stew in his own UK-hating demented leftist bile. A bitter lonely insidious individual who's mental instability is getting worse by the day, due to the fact they fail to annoy anyone with their constant sea-lioning and self-contradictory posting. Completely expected every time Tornado Watcher posts on here. As usual, I win the argument by my relentlessly logical and calm, reasoned, factual responses, unlike the hate-filled rants of far-leftist Guardian-reading pillocks like Tornado Watcher.

👍+113

Tornado Watcher replied:
You right-wings trolls don’t back off, do you? Even at Christmas.

👎-67

Neil Barse replied:
Once again TW, you fail to understand that this forum is not about rational debate, it is about WINNING. And our combination of insults, random distraction issues, whataboutery and gaslighting drive any rational observers away, meaning that WE WIN all of the time. You can never win because you are a sad lazy parasitic far-leftist idiot and are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍+124

Tornado Watcher wrote:
Peace on earth and Good Will to all men. Even you, Neil!

👎-43

Neil Barse replied:
Typical lies and whataboutery from a bitter and twisted leftist Labo*r loser. I think you leftists must be mentally ill to constantly come out with the lies and whataboutery the way you do. And what about Labo*r’s plans to force abolish all English traditions of Christmas so that don’t offend the millions of illegal immigrants that have arrived in the UK since Labo*r came to power. That’s a plan that I’m sure you cretinous, unwashed far-left UK haters would approve of.

👍+198

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades farmers are working people and as such were promised that their taxes would not rise by your chancellor Re*ves Labo*r used lies and disinformation to trick their way into power and have been attacking UK population ever since by doing things they had promised not to I cannot think of any other government in world which has passed legislation which they know will kill most vulnerable people in society like pensioners who will die if they withdrew the Winter Fuel Allowance now they are attacking poor millionaire farmers and billionaire rentier landowners like my wealthy friends from beloved Russia. Who will be next? The rest of the world is looking on with horror as political opponents and journalists in UK are thrown in jail for social media posts and journalists are threatened by St*rmer and bully boys of his regime what UK needs is fairness and freedom of true democracy as offered in homeland by dear Mr. Putin and his patriotic rich oligarch friends rather than gangster regime of Ke*r St*rmer. UK is becoming known for totalitarian gangster politics and it is not a good look.

👍+18

Super Small Dick wrote:
Labo*r have been in for six months now and everything is still shite just like it was under the last government of Blair and Brown. In that time, millions of illegal immigrants have crossed the channel in small boats and are being kept in luxury hotels while millions of pensioners freeze to death and homeless farmers are sleeping on the streets after being kicked off their land because they can’t afford to pay their inheritance tax. My local Tory councillor told me that Starmer is now planning to give all illegal immigrants British passports and free new houses if they sign an agreement to vote Labo*r at the next general election.
Vote REFORM UK PARTY PLC.
Oh, and Happy Christmas. Except if you are an illegal immigrant of course and chances you are as they outnumber us now according to GBNews.

👍+134

  

The Undercover Intellectual Asks: Has Modern Technology Redefined Road Safety...?

Today, our Undercover Intellectual asks if the technological marvels of today's modern cars have made the current laws regarding road safety obsolete...

A proper rich person's car...

Today’s modern cars are technological marvels. I drive an Audi, a model that is the epitome of comfort, safety, speed and technology.

It is capable of over 200 mph and is equipped with every conceivable driving aid and safety device known to man. It cost me an absolute packet but if you want quality these days, you have to pay for it. And that goes for the tax as well, what with it being a little heavy on the old juice, as it were.

In terms of its safety and quality, it is far superior to the more plebeian vehicles driven by the working classes who have the temerity to clutter up the King's Highway with their older, cheaper cars.

So I really do fail to understand why things like speed limits and driver sobriety criteria should apply to people like me, the well-off people who have invested a lot of money in buying (and taxing!) a car that by design is inherently far safer than most other cars on the road.

Typical working-class person's car

I mean, we’ve all seen that Audi advert, haven’t we?  Compared to us superior Audi-driving types, everyone else on the road really are just clowns, aren’t they?

Personally, I think it is a sad indictment of how far our ridiculous “health and safety” brigade have been allowed to erode our freedom to the point where "the powers that be" can consider me unfit to drive my ultra-safe Audi, just because I have spent the afternoon drinking my way through eight pints of Starmer's Fresh Start (at 5.8%, a beer that blows away the cobwebs, I can tell you!) for Sunday lunch.

It all just smacks of a leftist, woke nanny state that is in thrall to the hi-viz mafia and our venal, grasping compensation culture. We need to take back control of our roads from the ULEZ-loving, politically-correct, brain-dead wombles who police our roads these days.

Why don’t they just leave the luxury car drivers alone and go hassle the rust-bucket jockeys instead? What do we pay our gas-guzzler road taxes for, after all?


Comments:

Please note that we do not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.

Gonads wrote:
There is an inherent flaw in the safety features of all Audis. It’s the nut behind the wheel! And is this article anything to do with this, I wonder?

👎-8

Chad Grindr replied:
Another leftie driven by the politics of envy. Stick to your woke electric skateboard and stay out of the way of us sensible people.

👍+189

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
This seems to be an essay suggesting that the law shouldn’t apply to rich sociopaths. Doesn’t sound like a democratic proposition to me.

👎-265

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever replied:
You silly little boy. Of course the law shouldn’t apply to rich people, any more than the idea of paying taxes should. That’s what “privilege” means after all – private law! Fortunately, the new Labour government has had the common sense not to change the status quo in this regard.

👍+63

Mrs U.I. wrote:
Har har tha’ fire rescue bloke didn’ ‘alf bleed wen i bit ‘im yor my bes’ mate you are i luv you hic

👍+34