Pub Disturbance Ends In High-Speed Car Chase

Messenger's Arms: trashed by pensioner toffs...

Police and ambulance services were called to the Messenger’s Arms this afternoon, following a report of a disturbance in the pub at around 3pm during the busy lunchtime period.

Landlady Annabelle Upwoodly-Mowbyle, former owner of Buxley gastropub The Hedgefunders Arms, summoned police to the pub after two elderly customers became aggressive when they were refused Sunday lunch because they hadn’t booked in advance.

“We’ve never once had any trouble in our pub until today,” said Ms. Upwoodly-Mowbyle. “We are really busy at weekends, and especially so on the run-up to Christmas.”

“This elderly, well-spoken, respectable-looking couple came in and demanded free drinks because they were newspaper reporters or some such nonsense. We said no, and at first they were quite friendly. Then they started to harass our staff and demanded Sunday lunch, even though they hadn’t booked. We told them that we were very sorry but we couldn’t accommodate them, but they wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“Then the man started throwing furniture around, even knocking one of our customers out.”

Annabelle and Hugo Upwoodly-Mowbyle

“Kitchen staff and my husband Hugo were able to bundle the pair out of them outside while I called the police and the ambulance service. By then, they were both fighting mad and shouting and swearing. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. The lady bit Hugo quite hard and wouldn’t let go. He’s had to have stitches. Two customers had to be taken to hospital but thankfully they are both OK.”

“I’m afraid we’ve lost quite a few regular customers because of them. No-one wants to have their Sunday lunch spoiled by behaviour like that.”

The two then fled the pub in a high-powered Audi, just as the police arrived. A high-speed car-chase through the narrow lanes on the outskirts of Rainingham ended when the Audi went out of control on a bend and crashed into a ditch.

The fire brigade had to be summoned to free the couple from the car. The woman then attacked one of the fire crew, biting his hand, which required stitches. Police had to restrain the couple, who were both subsequently breath-tested and found to be 140mg in 100ml of breath - four times the legal drink-drive limit.

A Midway police spokesman later said: “As a result of a series of related incidents, two people were taken to hospital after being bitten, and a further two with concussion. All have since been discharged.”

Audi in ditch: Rescue worker bitten

“Following a police pursuit, officers subsequently detained two people on suspicion of criminal damage, assault by beating, dangerous driving, driving with excess alcohol, resisting arrest, actual bodily harm and assaulting an emergency worker.

“However, following a good telling-off by our Chief Constable, they were released without charge and told to stop embarrassing his and their Masonic Lodge or there’d be trouble.”

“Midway Police remain firmly committed to preventing drink-driving and public disorder unless rich and well-connected people are responsible for it, in which case it’s “Get Out Of Jail Free…”

 

Comments:

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Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever wrote:
I often get drunk at our Lodge, get into my high-powered luxury Range Rover and then head for home. Of course, I am rich enough to be able to afford a chauffeur. I have little sympathy for anyone who drives their own vehicle themselves, except for my wealthy friends of course. Life would be so much better for everyone if paupers were to be kept off of the roads and out of the way of rich people such as myself and my fellow freemasons.

👍+63

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
So two drunken toffs smash up a pub restaurant, hospitalise some of the pub’s customers, drive dangerously whilst totally pissed and attack emergency workers, all without being charged? It just goes to show that rich and well-connected people can still do exactly what they like, without fear of any consequences.

👎-90

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever replied:
Of course it does, you silly boy. The sooner you grow up and learn that “privilege” means exactly that, the happier your betters will be.

👍+63

Yu Rong replied:
Oooh GMM get you and your tantrums

👍+43

Neil Barse replied:
A typically stupid comment from Gay Morono Man, a typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, he is a blight on society and as such is unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you K**r S**rmer-worshipping bum-boy.

👍+902

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever wrote:
It is reassuring to see that the police are still capable of making common-sense judgements in the face of increasingly woke, snowflake leftism. If rich and well-connected people were to be held to the same laws as the common peasantry, then society as we know it would cease to function. What is the point of privilege if the law of the land is applied to rich people? Fortunately, it seems our new government has no inclination to change the status quo.

👍+63

Chad Grindr wrote:
Support Britain's farmers, not Communist St*rmer!

👍+78

Super Small Dick wrote:
My local Tory councillor tells me that everyone in the UK is going to have to pay the ULEZ, even if they don’t have a car. Meanwhile, millions of illegal immigrants crossing the Channel in small boats every week get to be housed in luxury hotels at the taxpayer’s expense. What a shambles. Four more years of this turgid drivel. I look forward to voting REFORM.

👍+378

Pseudocreem 2 wrote:
Comrades, dear Mr. Putin says for you to vote REFORM in the next UK elections because all other UK parties are corrupt Nazi gangster dictatorships who imprison anyone who criticises them on social media and condemns millions of old people to death while rest of world watches with horror unlike true democracy of Russia as led by global champion of freedom dear Mr. Putin and his rich friends.

👍+18