Chattingham Demolished By Eight-Goal Trumpton FC

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Chattingham  1  :  Trumpton FC  8

                                                                          Haadluk (1)  :     Acrobat (o.g. 15), Pugh. M (17), Pugh R (23), Barney (28), 
                                                                                          McGrew (48), Cathburt (59), Dibble (68), Grubb (83)

The footballing pride of Midway, Chattingham, remain rooted to the bottom of the North Kent Relegation League after an eight-goal defeat against rivals Trumpton FC.

Manager Doug Outt, 59, remained tight-lipped in the face of this latest set-back, which leaves him still winless since he came to the club ten months ago. 

Chattingham's Doug Outte: tight-lipped

“We started well, fought hard and were very competitive throughout the match,” said an ashen-faced Chattingham manager Doug Outt, “but letting in eight goals undermined what was otherwise a very encouraging performance.”

Chattingham were boosted by the return of on-loan robotic Norwegian striker, Erik Haadluk, who had been out for two weeks following software problems. In the first minute of the game, the giant six-foot nine blond killer cyborg raced the length of the pitch to score Chattingham’s first goal of the season, to the delight of the home crowd (Sid and Elsie Dreadful).

Unfortunately, Haadluk’s targeting software crashed again and he promptly began running around in tiny circles, burbling “base error 606” before grinding to a halt and being fork-lifted from the pitch.

Chattingham’s in-form Congolonian striker Adobe Acrobat promptly cancelled out his team’s advantage in the fifteenth minute with a superb volley that left his own keeper stranded, thereby adding another to his impressive tally of 18 own goals this season.

Three further first-half goals for Trumpton from Pugh, Pugh and Barney then set the tone of the game, with second-half goals from McGrew, Cathbert, Dibble and Grubb completing the rout and condemning Chattingham to their forty-first straight defeat.

“Still, at least we got something from the game,” said grim-faced Chattingham manager Doug Outte (59). “Our Slovomanian defender Slobodon Miovakoat managed to hot-wire the opposition’s antique fire engine and sell it to an eastern European collector, so that’ll pay the wages this week…”


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Judge Dreadful wrote:

Gutted. Sick as a parrot. We were all over them, except for the eight goals we conceded. Never mind, next week will be different. Post-match kebab was the highlight of the day. C’mon lads, up the Chats! COYC!!

+1

Dullman wrote:

Outte Out!

-1