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| Typical Weatherfork's pub - The Rees-Mogg's Head in Stroochester... |
An acquaintance had offered to buy me a pint and for reasons too boring to explain here, he said we should sojourn in Stroochester rather than at our usual watering hole at our Freemason’s lodge.
His suggestion for the venue was “The Forks”, of all places. It seemed rather downmarket for my own tastes but fortunately Sir Paul, the owner of
the
On hearing of my dilemma Sir Paul made a telephone call and (joy of joys!)
arranged that most wonderful of things, a free lunch for myself, my
acquaintance and Mrs. U.I, in exchange for (of course) a suitably honest and
forthright review of Sir Timm’s Stroochester establishment.
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| Stock picture of pub bar |
The Tory tabloid-reading pensioners of Stroochester clearly feel this is the best place for a night out in town and there were a few of these usual ‘Forks’ denizens dotted about, easily identifiable by their standard appearance of stripy t-shirts, dirty jeans, bad teeth, worse haircuts and loud, monotonous swearing. Otherwise, the place was empty, musty, dusty and almost hilariously old-fashioned, which was entirely appropriate given the name of the venue.
There is, however, absolutely no doubt that this was the busiest place in Stroochester on a Monday evening. Compared to its peers, The Rees-Mogg’s Head seems adequate, but this is only because its fellows are is about as dire as it gets.
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| Stock picture of pub toilet |
By the time I got back to the bar area, my acquaintance had arrived and had already replenished Mrs. U.I.’s glass. Despite the offer of a pint, I found myself in the seat after all. He went for a Badenoch’s Gaslighter and I chose a Sunlit Uplands from the Johnson’s Brexit Fantasy Brewing Company. I did consider a Braverman’s Wokerati and even tried a taster of the Jenrick’s Backhander which had a good rich flavour too, but the smell put me off.
Despite Weatherforks’ well-known business model of bulk-buying “on the turn” beer and shifting it at low prices to ensure high turnover, there is nevertheless a “Monday Club” which makes the drinks even cheaper. However, the bar staff had been tipped off about our “VIP” visit and so our drinks were “on the house”.
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| Stock image of pints of beer |
Food was indeed being served and so we decided to sample some delights from the “Brexit-themed” menu. Unfortunately, an apologetic waitress said that due to various food shortages, they could only offer us the English Brexit salad, consisting of seasonal turnips, swede and carrots. We therefore decided to pass on this culinary extravaganza and ordered another round of drinks.
By now, some of the angry Tory pensioners surrounding us were choosing to stand up, making it easier for them to shout spittle into each other’s faces (as is their way). When a barmaid passed to collect glasses and asked them politely if they would take a seat, they seemed to take this as a personal affront. They began to shout and swear at the unfortunate serving wench, which led to the summoning of the ubiquitous tight-suited, miked-up security staff. A good scuffle then started and Mrs. U.I. (now half-way through her sixth large glass of Pinot Noir) felt obliged to join in the fun.
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| Testing Weatherforks carpet |
Mrs. U.I., her fangs securely locked on to the ear of an aggressor (her chosen method of attack) soon found herself immobilised, along with a seething, struggling mass of the combatant Tory unwashed. The bored security staff merely had to summon the police and the fire-fighting crew, the latter possessing the necessary specialist equipment that allows them to deliver any Weatherforks miscreants into the custody of the local constabulary without becoming stuck to the carpet themselves.
“We’re used to it”, said one member of the fire crew. “It’s always the same old faces. It’s kind of ironic that they end up having to Leave, even though they want to Remain…”
As my acquaintance observed, pattern recognition never was an angry working-class Tory pensioner’s long suite.
And so, stopping off outside the local police station only to collect Mrs U.I. (who had been released with a caution) we wended our weary way home after a highly entertaining evening.
In summary, my thoughts on the delightful “Rees-Moggs Head” are as follows:
Decor: ***** Delightfully greasy, seedy, tweedy, condescending and traditionally dressed up in a Victorian style, just like its namesake. The stickiness of the carpets lived up their legendary reputation and provided a huge amount of entertainment.
Food: ***** As someone who believes that quantity and low price is far more important than quality, the fact that I didn’t have to pay says it all.
Drink: ***** See “Food”.
Price: ***** See “Food” and “Drink
Staff: ***** Robotic, miked-up, completely indifferent to their customers but adequately efficient – just what you expect in a Weatherforks pub!
Toilets: ***** Living up to traditional Victorian values and probably riddled with good old-fashioned Victorian cholera and dysentery as well, just to give that true Tory, Brexity experience!
Comments:
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not moderate comments. However, we may edit or delete them, or manipulate the
voting on them in order to reflect our editorial policy.
Grey Mondeo Man wrote:
Yet another utterly pointless "review", whose outcome was decided purely by the amount of free drinks the author could snaffle, rather than the actual quality of the venue. There is (this comment has been edited for reasons of brevity - Ed.).
Undercover Imbiber replied:
My legion of adoring fans obviously don't share your cynical view of my little bon-mots as you can see below, so you are welcome to stew in the morass of your own obviously far-left, bitter and twisted bile.
👍👍👍👍+3000
Art. E. Fishall wrote:
I think these reviews are excellent and
very funny.
Clint Elligence
wrote:
I think these reviews are excellent and
very funny.
A Staffer wrote:
I think these reviews are excellent and very funny.
A Notherstaffer wrote:
I think these reviews are excellent and very funny.
I got stuck onna carpet tee hee hee yor my bes mate you are I luv you bruv hic
Chad Grunter wrote:
Decent review. It is always amusing how some (usually self-entitled dribbling
left-wing loons) start frothing at the mouth and looking down their snooty
noses when ever somebody mentions Weatherforks. They are what they are, with no
frills. They are not pretentious or do they pretend to be anything else than a
cheap watering hole for all, including mainly the working classes, students and
those that are not inserted up their own behinds :-)
Grey Mondeo Man replied:
I suppose disagreeing with you and your kind makes me a left wing loon, but I prefer a traditional local not owned by a corporate chain, and where I can get to know the staff and landlord. Weatherforks, IMO, is just bland and the staff are robotic. I guess that's what some people like though, so fair enough.
Chad Grunter replied:
Then don't visit then. Nobody is forcing you go.
Grey Mondeo Man replied:
I don’t “visit then”. So your point is?
Neil SecondID
wrote:
Interesting, Grey
Grey Mondeo Man replied:
Er, what? I didn’t say any of that.
David Simile the Second replied:
A typically stupid reply from a typically stupid remoaning socialist
La**or-supporting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are
a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion
without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you
tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.
Gonads wrote:
Martin Timms and Weatherforks are notorious for messing suppliers around,
driving smaller independents off the high street and for his ruthless treatment
of staff during COVID. But he was pro-Brexit so he's idolised by the
Chad Grunter replied:
Yet another Far Left, anti-British antagonist who seems to be on here almost
every day. I am surprised that the
Gonads wrote:
Hilarious that you lot are the champions of free speech and always up in arms
about being cancelled yet you all want greymondeoman and me removed form this
site so you don't have to hear a single dissenting voice. The entire world
doesn't think like GBNews tells you to, Gammonflakes. Like all "free
speech warriors" from the right, they don't like moderate and factual
voices challenging their inherent prejudices.
Notchadgrunterhonestly:
wrote:
Looks like you've now got another misguided and deluded idolising fan Greymondeoman.
Unless you've created another account, posting self support. If “Gonads” is real, then given time, they
will realise your not as they believe. If it's you, then not unexpected. ps.
Stop the lies about being "moderate and factual" (note you omitted
truthful) knowing full well you are nothing less than a Far Left anti-British
antagonist.
Kent’s Greatest Prick
Ever wrote:
The establishment which was the subject of this review is a perfectly adequate substitute
for our preferred venue of my Masonic lodge, given that I think it wise not to visit it due to “ongoing investigations”. It has the advantage that private
conversations (about, say, how surprisingly combustible Michelin-starred pub-restaurants are) cannot be overheard (or even understood) by the loud,
plebeian, drunken ignoramuses that typically populate such places.
Pseudocreem 2
wrote:
Comrades, do not vote in the next elections because all political parties are
the same. If no-one vote your Tories will boss, which good news for all big Russian
money in