Coynte's revised plan for more flats and less parking on Stroochester flood plain given the green light

Coynte Housing Solutions PLC latest plans for Stroochester ANOB/green belt site

Midway Council have been instructed to approve revised plans for a controversial housing development on a protected green belt area of outstanding natural beauty (AONB) on marshland close to the River Mudway in Stroochester.

Vic Marbles, Midway's Lab**r council leader

“This is just outrageous,” said Vic Marbles, Lab**r leader of Midway Council. “We rejected the original plans and were overruled by the Ministry of Housing. Now we’re being told that the development is going to be far larger than originally planned, but that it’s going to go ahead anyway.” 

“What’s the point of having a local planning department if central government are just going to over-rule it?” asked a frustrated Marbles.

The Ministry for Housing disagreed, however.

“Our decision to allow this development to be upsized is based purely on local housing needs,” said a Housing Ministry spokesman earlier today. “There is a severe shortage of second homes for rich London bankers, businessmen and lawyers in the south-east and we believe this development of riverside luxury flats will help to alleviate that problem”.

Planned Stroochester development site 

“These people are far more likely to vote Conservative,” the spokesman added, “and so this will help to ensure that in future, Midway will go back to being a Tory stronghold once more…”.

Mike Coynte, director of Coynte Housing Solutions PLC and the development firm responsible for the project, was delighted. 

“The original plan for 300 sustainable houses with adequate parking proved to be economically unattractive,” said Mr. Coynte, “at least, it looked that way once we realised that we could actually cram five thousand flats on to the same site.”

Mike Coynte: "Ker-ching"

"Needless to say, the usual £12,000 donation to the Tory party ensured that our revised plans would get the nod. So forget any woke nonsense about “sustainability”, adequate parking, infrastructure, blah blah blah.” 

“We can just cram ‘em in and let the council worry about the roads, schools, healthcare and all that unprofitable stuff. The sooner we can get the concrete pouring, the sooner we can start making shed-loads of money,” said Mr. Coynte. “Ker-ching, Ker-ching!!!”

Kylie Trollhouse, MP for Stroochester and Odd Bits Of Chattingham That Got Carved Up So That Lab**r Couldn’t Win, was also supportive of the development.

Kylie Trollhouse MP: "Blame Lab**r"

“Whilst I do like to boast about my ‘green credentials’, the developer’s donation to Tory funds really was quite big, so that clinches it” she said. “And anyway, as a Tory, I am all in favour of big, rich companies doing just what they want.”

“The thought of a potential five thousand new Tory voters moving into the area is also very pleasing,” said Ms. Trollhouse. “The sooner Mr. Coynte can get this development completed, the sooner our new residents can vote out the evil Marxist Midway Council, who are responsible for everything bad that has ever happened at any time, anywhere.”


Comments on this article have been disabled as Mr. Coynte really is quite a big and well-connected Tory donor and we don’t want anyone (we’re talking about YOU, Grey Mondeo Man!) to upset him.