Chattingham Slump To Defeat Against Cobblesdown

Stock photo of blokes playing football

Cobblesdown United  8        Chattingham  0 

Midway’s flagship football club Chattingham remain rooted to the bottom of the North Kent Relegation League after an eight-goal defeat against rivals Cobblesdown United.

Ashen-faced Chattingham manager Doug Outte (59) remained tight-lipped in the face of this latest set-back, which leaves him still winless since he was appointed manager ten months ago.

Doug Outte (59) - tight-lipped in defeat

“I went into this game full of confidence,” said a pensive-looking Outte (59) “but then the opposition turned up. It was all downhill from there…”

“I feel badly let down by the VAR system,” added a stony-faced Outte (59). “Our three own-goals were clearly offside and should have been disallowed”.

Chattingham’s Congolonian striker, Adobe Acrobat, has taken his tally to an impressive 21 own-goals so far this season.

“The lad’s on fire,” said a grim-looking Outte (59). “It’s a shame people keep putting him out.” 

“I have full confidence in Doug Outte and believe the club is heading in the right direction,” said Club chairman and owner, millionaire American property developer Hank Methane.

Club owner Hank Methane

“Forty straight defeats shows a degree of consistency that should soon allow me to wind the club up, bulldoze the stadium and get my ol’ buddy Mike Coynte to slap up three hundred low-quality high-priced houses, er, shucks, I meant, to provide the investment needed for development of the playing squad...” 

“The team clearly needs a new quarterback, a tight end, a wide receiver and a running back. Then we can get down to the business of playing football how it should be played,” said Methane. 

Doug Outte (59) remained optimistic that his forty-game losing streak would soon come to an end. “I know the scoreline looks bad,” said a defiant Outte, “but at least we got something out of the game.” 

“Our Slovomanian defender Slobodon Miovakoat managed to strip out the copper pipe and fittings from the opposition’s changing room, so that should help with the wages bill this week…”

Comments: 

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Judge Dreadful wrote: 

Gutted. Sick as a parrot. We were all over them, except for the eight goals we conceded. Never mind, next week will be different. Post-match kebab was the highlight of the day. C’mon lads, up the Chats! COYC!!

👍+1

Dullman wrote:

Outte Out!

👎-1