Dynamo Frindsbury Hit Seven As Chattingham Crash To Defeat

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Chattingham 0  :  Dynamo Frindsbury 7 

Chattingham remain rooted to the bottom of the North Kent Relegation League after a seven-goal defeat against high-flying local rivals Dynamo Frindsbury.

Manager Doug Outte (59) remained tight-lipped in the face of this latest set-back, which leaves him still winless since he came to the club ten months ago. 

“We fought hard and were very competitive throughout the match,” said an ashen-faced Outte (59), “but letting in seven goals undermined what was otherwise a very encouraging performance.”

Chattingham striker Erik Haadluk

Chattingham’s new on-loan Norwegian striker, Erik Haadluk, wasted no time in finding the net on his debut. The giant six-foot nine blond cyborg is currently on a short-term “beta-test” trial from the same factory that produced the Premier League Manchester City’s goal machine with a similar model name.

However, four minutes into the game, Haadluk’s targeting software crashed and he promptly lashed the ball into his own net before running around in tiny circles, burbling “base error 606”. Eventually Haadluk ground to a halt and collapsed, with Chattingham’s coach unable to fix the problem despite plugging his laptop into the stricken striker and running a diagnostic check. 

Chattingham manager Doug Outte (59)

Haadluk was fork-lifted off of the pitch, but the game continued in much the same vein for Chattingham as Congolian striker Adobe Acrobat promptly added two more to his impressive total of 17 own goals this season just before half time. 

Four further second-half goals from Dynamo Frindsbury condemned Chattingham to a 39^th straight defeat. 

“Still, at least we got something from this game,” said grim-faced Chattingham manager Doug Outte (59). “Our Slovomanian defender Slobodon Miovakoat managed to nick a few mobile phones and bank cards from the opposition’s changing room, so that should help with the wages bill this week…”

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Judge Dreadful wrote: 

Gutted. Sick as a parrot. We were all over them, except for the seven goals we conceded. Never mind, next week will be different. Post-match kebab was the highlight of the day. C’mon lads, up the Chats! COYC!!

👍+1

Dullman wrote:

Outte Out!

👎-1