Young Mum Left Traumatised After Bowling Alley Incident

Stock picture of bowling alley.

Police were called to the Evildrome Bowlarama ten-pin bowling alley in Knife Street, Chattingham this afternoon, when some ten-pin bowling was alleged to have broken out.

Mandy Gormless

“It was, like, scary,” said mum-of-six Mandy Gormless, 22. “I’d gone there with a few mates to start our usual fight, and all of a sudden these teenagers just started ten-pin bowling.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it. Big bowling balls flying down the alley, knocking skittles down everywhere. And they were just laughing about it. How are normal people like me expected to start fights and stab each other when that sort of thing is going on?”

After no struggle whatsoever, police went on to “tazer” and then arrest four teenagers. They were subsequently charged with possession of dangerous weapons in a public place (bowling balls), criminal damage (knocking over skittles) and behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace (laughing and having harmless fun).

A police spokesman said: “We were called to the Evildrome Bowlarama following reports of a disturbance. Within a short space of time (3 days) we apprehended four people who are currently assisting us with our inquiries.”

“Residents of the Chattingham area can be reassured that we have zero tolerance for social behaviour. We do everything we can to ensure that they can go about their normal, day-to-day business of robbing, fighting and stabbing each other without hindrance.”

“I’m still in shock,” said Ms. Gormless. “I’m now suffering from ten-pin bowling-induced PTSD. I want compensation.”

A manager from the Evildrome Bowlarama rolled his eyes and refused to comment. 

 

Comments: 

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Chad Grunter wrote:

Looks like a typical self-entitled scrounging lazy thick La**ur voter to me. Who else would go to the bowling alley in Chattingham and expect to see ten-pin bowling?

👍+157

Grey Mondeo Man replied:

Maybe the clue is in the name of the establishment in question, “the Evildrome Bowlarama Ten-Pin Bowling Alley”…?

👎-145

David Simile the Second replied:

A typically stupid reply from a typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Crawl away and die, you tofu-eating, Guardian-reading pillock.

👍+234

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever wrote:

Ten-pin bowling sounds like a plebeian, working-class pastime. I think it is good that the lower orders have these places to congregate, well away from rich people like myself. I would hate to see paups anywhere near my golf club, unless they are ground staff or waiters, of course.

👍+63

Boring Welsh Tory wrote: 

Ten-pin bowling was invented by the Welsh Monk Cwm Dai Tafyn in AD 881 and it was played at Carefonwyn Abbey on a competitive basis in AD 898, using frozen dead sheep as pins and cannon balls for bowling. Today, over 42 million people play this ancient Welsh game in the UK every day. It is the national sport of Slovodonia and will feature in the 2032 Olympics. I know all this because I read it on the Internet.
Ten-Pin-Bowling-Balls.co.uk.
The online version of ten-pin bowling, “StrikeMaimKill”, is one of my favourite computer games, which saves me having to leave my Mum’s attic and meet people.

👍+1