The Undercover Intellectual On... Road Safety

Today, our Undercover Intellectual takes a break from the thirsty business of reviewing Midway’s public houses and instead offers us his thoughts on British Road safety today...

A proper rich person's car...

Today’s modern cars are technological marvels. I drive an Audi, a model that is the epitome of comfort, safety, speed and technology.

It is capable of 160 mph and is equipped with every conceivable driving aid and safety device known to man. It cost me an absolute packet but if you want quality these days, you have to pay for it. And that goes for the tax as well, what with it being a little heavy on the old juice, as it were.

In terms of its safety and quality, it is far superior to the more plebeian vehicles driven by the working classes who have the temerity to clutter up the King's Highway with their older, cheaper cars.

So I really do fail to understand why things like speed limits and driver sobriety criteria should apply to people like me, the well-off people who have invested a lot of money in buying (and taxing!) a car that by design is inherently far safer than most other cars on the road.

Typical working-class person's car

I mean, we’ve all seen that Audi advert, haven’t we?  Compared to us superior Audi-driving types, everyone else on the road really are just clowns, aren’t they?

Personally, I think it is a sad indictment of how far our ridiculous “health and safety” brigade have been allowed to erode our freedom to the point where "the powers that be" can consider me unfit to drive my ultra-safe Audi, just because I have spent the night drinking my way through 10 pints of Johnson’s Senior Wifebeater (at 5.6%, a beer that packs a real punch, I can tell you!) at a Masonic journalism party.

It all just smacks of a leftist, woke nanny state that is in thrall to the hi-viz mafia and our venal, grasping compensation culture. We need to take back control of our roads from the ULEZ-loving, politically-correct, brain-dead wombles who police our roads these days.

Why don’t they just leave the luxury car drivers alone and go hassle the rust-bucket jockeys instead? What do we pay our gas-guzzler road taxes for, after all?


Comments:

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Gonads wrote:

There is an inherent flaw in the safety features of all Audis. It’s the nut behind the wheel! And is this article anything to do with this, I wonder?

👎-8

Chad Grunter replied:

Another leftie driven by the politics of envy. Stick to your woke electric skateboard and stay out of the way of us sensible people.

👍+189

Grey Mondeo Man wrote:

This seems to be an essay suggesting that the law shouldn’t apply to rich sociopaths. Doesn’t sound like a democratic proposition to me.

👎-265

Kent’s Greatest Prick Ever replied: 

You silly little boy. Of course the law shouldn’t apply to rich people, any more than the idea of paying taxes should. That’s what “privilege” means after all – private law! I’m only too pleased that these days, we have a proper Tory government that isn’t scared to acknowledge this universal truth.

👍+614

David Simile the Second replied: 

As usual, a typically stupid reply from the typically stupid remoaning socialist La**or-supporting woke snowflake that is Grey Mondeo Man. Like all lazy parasitic leftist scum, you are a blight on society and as such are unable to hold any sort of discussion without resorting to vile, frothing insults. Stick to your Mondeo you St*rmer-loving bumboy!

👍+435

Mrs U.I. wrote:

Har har tha’ copper didn’ ‘alf bleed wen i bit ‘im yor my bes’ mate you are i luv you hic

👍+34